love

👉🏼 BLAMING VS OWNERSHIP 👊🏼

thou shall not judge.jpg

What you resist in others is what you have in yourself that you haven’t accepted yet. 

.

Judgement shows you where you need to grow or where you need to have more compassion for yourself more.

.

Similar to judgement, blaming other people is a distraction from feeling and going through your own pain. It’s so much easier to blame someone for your pain.

.

It’s so much easier to create drama rather than owning your pain. It’s so much easier to get angry at your parents rather than feeling your wound of feeling not good enough or unloved. It’s so much easier to blame your partner for making you feel sad by breaking up with you rather than feeling your own wound of abandonment.

.

Whenever you get an emotional trigger towards someone, hurt, anger, frustration; it often comes down to a memory you had when you were a child. It’s usually not about that person. Nearly nothing is personal. You might feel your partner is causing you pain, they’re not. They’re triggering an unresolved pain from your past.

.

So how do you create a life free of drama?

.

By taking ownership of your life. You are creating everything in your life. Things don’t just happen to you randomly. Everything happening in your life shows you what is already going amazing and also what needs to change.

.

Up until 2 years ago, I used to have so much drama in my life and I thought things were just happening and I felt powerless against it all. With ownership of all of my reality, constant self-reflecting and having few people around me with great awareness and intuition reflecting back to me the choices I make, I can say that, I’m grateful to live a life with honesty, openness and integrity. Of course I have setbacks but I bounce back from it in a day rather than lingering in my Ego for a week. This is my biggest achievement to date, to live my life this way 🌟

.

And this shift doesn’t have to be hard. Inner work doesn’t have to be serious. Healing doesn’t have to happen in suffering. It takes a moment, a second, a choice to shift. 

.

Here are some examples of turning BLAMING into OWNING:

.

BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting angry at your partner for not making you feel loved and cared for

OWNING 👉🏼 You might feel this deep down without your partner anyway and you’re not letting them know what makes you feel loved expecting them to know magically.

.

BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting annoyed at a woman in the bus for talking super loud on the phone

OWNING 👉🏼 You might have a family member that was super loud so you decided to keep yourself very quiet and small. 

.

BLAMING 👉🏼 You feel pretty crap this morning and the weather is shit.

OWNING 👉🏼 You haven’t created space for yourself last night to unwind and relax, you went to bed straight from being your phone so you didn’t get a good night’s sleep.

.

Here’s how you can shift from blaming to owning when you’re triggered:

- Close your eyes, take a deep breath.

- Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” and “What am I feeling?”. Your thoughts and feelings are gateways to your Ego. Feel free to blame others here, go for it.

- Sit with that feeling, notice how it feels.

- Ask “What is this showing me about myself?” & “What is this teaching me?”

- Take another deep breath.

- See a golden ball of light above your head descending onto your body, touching your head. As it does, your whole body lights up and you’re free of the past and the future. You’re empty, here and now. And you let go of the need to know ✨

- Ask “What is in the highest to do?” 

- Follow through on that. 

- Give yourself a hug, because why not ❤️

.

This works with any kind of relationships, intimate, family, friends, collegue etc. If you want to have a conversation about it with the person, ask if they’d be open to talk about it. Then start with, “I’m feeling... when you .....”. This way you are owning how you’re feeling rather than blaming the other person.

.

When you master this shift from blaming to owning, I PROMISE YOU, all the drama in your life will start to fall away. You’ll notice the difference when your life start to become effortless, simple where you know what your truth is as you own what is yours and what isn’t ❤️

.

I do 1-1 transformational coaching sessions around owning your life, making choices that are in the highest and create a drama-free life full of flow and joy. Message me if you’re interested ❤️

.

Have a gorgeous Saturday! 😍

.

I love you 💛

.

I’m giving a talk next week! 😍

animas talk.jpg

I’ll be talking about how to differentiate our Ego from our truth and a practical tool to use in the moment to come back to truth and love 🤓

.

It’s for Animas, the coaching school I went to and it’s open to public! You can book your place through here 👇🏼
.
https://www.animascoaching.com/coaching-cpd-events/
.
Tuesday 26th
7pm
Double Tree by Hilton West End
92 Southampton Row
.
See you there lovelies ❤️
.

This is my little heaven ❤️

One of the reasons I wanted to live on my own was to see clients at my place and hold mini workshops. I’m so grateful today I’m able to do this 😍

.

Last year had a lot of grief for me. At some point it was so intense that I thought I won’t go back to my old joy. I even made peace with not feeling ecstatic or excited about life again. I surrendered to it. At the time, Aaron said something wise as he always does. He said that I won’t go back to my old joy, but I’ll have a new joy that has so much more depth as I’ve gone way into the other side of the spectrum.
.
Yesterday evening, I felt that joy during Goddess Circle which I held at my place. It’s a more grounded joy rather than an overexcited and erratic one. It felt alive and I felt totally ok losing this joy again. In that moment, I felt grateful for every single tear, every single loss, every single dark moment. I looked up and saw the word “joy” on this cushion I have.
.
Another thing was seeing once again, whether it’s 1 woman, 2 women, 30 women there, the number doesn’t mean anything. Even if one person shows up and receives something out of it, I’ve done my job ❤️
.
The next Goddess Circle is on the 28th Jan.
1 space left.
Link to book ✨
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3914294
.
The next Freedom Through Breath is on the 31st Jan.
* SOLD OUT *

The one after that - 21st Feb
Link to book ✨
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4053846
.
I’m off to dance, wishing you a beautiful and magical evening 😍✨
.
Love you ❤️
.

We did a workshop! Your Empowered Cycle 😍🔥

post your empowered cycle.jpg

Amanda and I did a half day workshop today for the first time, journeying into four seasons we go through in our menstruation cycle.

.

I presented the spring (maiden) - summer (mother) phase as Amanda did autumn (wild woman) and winter (crone) which works so well with our natural energy 😍 Then we led a dance together through the seasons.
.
You never know how the dances are going to turn out. Complete unknown. Somehow they always do their magic and I feel so alive doing them. I feel tingles, complete presence, joy, bliss, gratitude, everything. I feel everyone in the room and I feel grateful to be able to feel.
.
That’s what we were saying, when you feel something fully, it leaves naturally. It finished it’s course and now it’s a new phase. Nothing stays the same no matter how hard you hold onto it, it transforms and flows when you allow and surrender.
.
When you embrace all parts of you, sit with all parts of you, nothing can hold you back really. You claim your space in the world by being yourself 🔥
.
I always get nervous when it’s a new workshop format and always, I mean always, it turns out great. And I still get nervous 😂 Then I remember when women come together things naturally flow and connect anyway 🌷
.
I feel grateful to have women showing up, ready to go in to shift things. And I feel so grateful to do this with Amanda. We work so well together ❤️
.
My intention was to make this post a short one which no longer is but will end this one with those beautiful words from the feedback today:
.
“Powerful circle for women to feel open, acknowledged, empowered. It allows you to connect deeply to yourself, to find yourself and reconnect with the rhythms of being a woman.”
.
And looking at the feedback forms, I am calm, grounding, focused, loving and gentle. Amanda is wild, funny, passionate, present and a free spirit 😃
.
Thank you everyone who joined us today ❤️ We’ll do another one after summer ☀️
.
Coming up next is The Integrated Feminine retreat next weekend with Clara, bringing aspects of femininity together through different embodiment practices. 4 spaces are left lovelies if you’re interested, here’s the link for more info ✨
.
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3434972
.
Loads of love to you 💛
.

✨ JUDGEMENT DETOX ✨

judgement detox.jpg

Yesterday I went to Gabrielle Bernstein’s talk about her new book ‘Judgment Detox’. 

.

I love this woman and her energy so much and I love how she’s able to get her message across from the truth. One thing she said about storytelling was ‘You write from a language that’s not triggering so you can serve the highest’. In a way, translating the language so that it can be received, I love that!

.

In her book, there are 6 steps to rise above judgement:

.

1. Witness your judgment without judgment ✨

You accept the fact that you’re judging and sit with how it makes you feel, how you might be justifying yourself for judging and what experience from your childhood is being triggered.

.

2. Honour the wounds that live beneath the judgment ✨

Allow yourself to feel the core wound that is being triggered in this experience, be with it. You might even have a chat with your inner child, make sure that little boy/girl feels safe.

.

3. Put love on the altar (through prayer) ✨

Ask for guidance and willingness to make a new choice coming from love. Example of a prayer, ‘I’m open to higher consciousness, I’m ready to receive higher guidance.’ Or ‘I choose to judge nothing that occurs.’ Last one kinda gives your power away to judging by focusing on, you’re fixing it from the level you created it, so I’m not sure about that one.

.

4. See for the first time ✨

See the person through the lens of love for the first time, see their beauty, what you admire about them, see who they truly are beyond their mask. 

.

5. Cut the cords ✨

Imagine there are energetical cords between you and this person, that is weighing you down, that is not love. Imagine you’re cutting them so there’s pure love now.

.

6. A willingness to forgive ✨

Forgive the person not because what they did was right but because you no longer want to hold onto them, letting go of the judgment and willing to forgive so you can be free.

.

I didn’t read the book and didn’t know about the process until yesterday evening.

The interesting thing is on my way to the talk with my friend Steve, I was talking about Aaron, how it hurt me seeing him with someone so soon etc (I was judging). Whilst judging I knew it was a part of me that feels unloved and lonely that was getting triggered, it wasn’t personal. He felt it and I asked him if he can cut cords between me and Aaron as we both felt the heaviness. So he did. 

.

Cutting cord doesn’t have to be a massive ceremony just the intention would do, he did it with his hand like a cutting gesture and I felt something leaving me. I cried a bit, usually a great indication something shifted 😃 In a way went through the whole 6 step process there and then ✨

.

Noticing yourself judging, bringing it back to what it triggers in you, acknowledging that and coming back to love can happen within seconds really. I’m constantly doing this as it comes up.

.

A part of me thinks, ‘Jeez I’ve been working on myself for a while now, there’s STILL stuff to work on.’ Accept the fact that if you’re committed to live your truth, there will always be, but you feel so much more freer and happier on the other side 😉

.

Enjoy this beautiful sunny day ☀️💛

.

Loads of love to you ❤️

.

🔥 WHAT STUDYING ARCHITECTURE TAUGHT ME 🔥

flames.jpg
archi2.jpg
archi3.jpg
archi4.jpg
archi5.jpg
archi6.jpg

I burnt all my architecture work today 🔥

.

This has been something I wanted to do for a while now, to get rid of all my architecture stuff. That’s what I studied 5 years ago. Then I worked in few places then realising I really don’t like doing it. So I stopped.

.

Yesterday I googled, ‘how to burn stuff in the garden’ and bought an incinerator bin this morning, one of those metal bins you can burn things in. I took a Uber to Amanda’s place where we did the fire. The Uber driver was asking me (turned out to be a stunt man who is a dive master, kickboxer, free runner, professional gymnast lol), why I wanted to burn them instead of throwing them away. Good question 😍

.

I first got the idea after doing a breathwork, it came to me super clear, ‘burn your architecture stuff’. I was like, wow ok I’ll do that. There’s something very cleansing about fire, I believe burning something ceremonially frees you from it. Every time I moved houses, I was carrying them with me which was pointless and felt heavier and heavier.

.

Studying architecture is not a walk in the park. ‘I have so much work to do.’ was the normal thing you hear in a stressed out studio. The first 2 years, I was super lost. I didn’t really understood how anything worked, I experimented a lot to see what worked for me. One of the things I tried was flipping my sleeping cycle for a month to work at nights - terrible idea.

.

I wasn’t sure if this was what I wanted to do later on anyway. Questioning something back and forth while at the same trying to succeed at it, takes a lot of energy. You can’t move forward doing that. Final year, I told myself, ‘You know what, this is my final year. I’m not going to question this anymore. I’m going to put my absolute best into this year, graduate, then figure out the rest later.’

.

So I did that.

.

For a whole year, I didn’t have a social life or a partner (slight crush in the end of the year as a perfect distraction). All I did for myself was writing 3 pages every morning as part of the Artist’s Way book. Then studio all day, all night until 2am. 

.

Towards the end, I really missed going out as I loved dancing while I was out. My housemate at the time told me, ‘You can put your headphones on and dance in your room.’ I thought, what a great idea, I gave it a go. It was bliss, pure bliss. Every night between 2-3am I would dance out the day in my room after studio, go to bed at 3am then wake up at 7am and do the whole thing again with occasional sleep ins.

.

The biggest lesson architecture taught me is showing up no matter what. I showed up for 3 years doing something I wasn’t passionate about. It showed me, well if I can do that without enjoying it, I can absolutely nail the things I enjoy no matter how scary they might feel at times. I had a proof of it working basically, I can make it work again.

.

There’s a beautiful quote by Steve Jobs, ‘You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.’ 

.

My dissertation was called ‘Architecture as a form of meditation’ - looking at places to meditate all around the world, what makes them a better place to meditate in etc.

.

First year, I did a project on circus skills - I always admired circus artists, did pole dancing after graduating and will soon start doing aerial silks 😍

.

Third year, I designed a kindergarden/art school for children - When I accepted that I didn’t want to do architecture, I worked in a school looking after kids until I find out what I want to do, I loved being with them at the time. I feel like there’s more to come about this one in the future 👩‍👧‍👦

.

Throughout the projects, I used body, movement a lot in the concept and danced every night - I didn’t know 5rhythms or ecstatic dancing existed back then, I was just releasing and moving emotions out of my body. Now I guide movement/dance in my workshops.

.

Sometimes I find people making a huge deal out of finding your purpose. It’s always there. You’re looking at it, you’re doing it in some form or another. It’s what brings you alive, something that you would do anyway even if you weren’t paid for.

.

I used to walk around in the studio, talking to people comforting or motivating them. People would come to me when they were stressed. Helping them get out of that place brought me so much more joy than doing drawings.

.

It took me a whole year to fully let go of architecture to move forward with coaching, healing and workshops. It took me another year procrastinating throwing away all the work and carrying them with me every time I moved houses 😊 Today I finally let go of all of that physically, only kept dissertation and final portfolio as a souvenir from that time.

.

It’s such a good feeling when you do things you keep putting off no matter how small or big they are. Thank you for the beautiful ceremony Amanda 💛

.

What can you physically get rid of this week? 

.

Something that is already long gone to you, but you’re holding onto it physically. Would love to hear it in the comments below 😍❤️

.

Loads of love and freedom to you 🔥✨

.

Sound Healing Journey

gongbath1.jpg
gongbath2.jpg

Thank you Jamie Kat and Francisco for a beautiful all night sound healing journey Friday night 😍 It was 8 hours long. 8 HOURS! I didn’t sleep much actually and each time I looked up it was all 3 of them, doing their magic ✨ Thank you guys, I’m very grateful for you. You created such a loving and held energy ❤️ I admire your focus, awareness and love for doing this 🙏🏼

.

Then Tamlyn I had a super chilled day. Layed on grass, soaked in bit of sun, ate leftover Turkish food, went for a crap house viewing and I got my tattoo redone randomly 💛
.
Days like this I appreciate having friends who are pro at resting and taking things easy. Thank you my lovely for a gorgeous day together ❤️
.
Have a beautiful Sunday night y’all 

💚 I SURRENDER 💚

i surrender1.jpg
i surrender2.jpg

 

It’s been few months since I wrote about Aaron and my seperation. Now I feel to share more about it.

.

To give bit of a context, Aaron and I broke up after going through the seperation together for 5 weeks. Then, he went to Panama for 3 weeks where we didn’t communicate at all. He did lots of release while I moved to my own place and had the busiest time in my business giving sessions and workshops. After he came back, we carried on being intimate for another 2 months. When we realised this is not serving us, we seperated for real, a month ago. That was the last time we made love. 10 days ago, he started seeing someone. 

.

I was in my Ego for the last few days about him seeing someone. This is us after he was there holding space for me on Sunday when he first told me. I cried straight for 2 days, pretty sure I made some abs from sobbing. At some point I really thought I won’t be able to go through this, it was just all too much, all too soon and all too painful. I don’t want any of this. This is the most amount of pain I felt in my entire life.

.

Then the pain started turning into suffering and I started going into the drama of it, how I’m not ready for this, how dare he do this to me, this is not love, it’s been only a month since we were intimate, how could he move on so quick, what is she like etc.

.

I did a breathwork on this yesterday, to feel all the emotions fully to let them go, to cry for all the times I didn’t feel loved, crying to release them rather than crying from a place of victimhood, thinking ‘why me’ and ‘this isn’t fair’. In the end, I felt a glimpse of what it would feel like to be free from all this pain. I heard this voice that told me, ‘By the end of this, you’re going to feel the freest, happiest and most empowered you’ve ever felt in your whole life.’ Now that’s a big promise. I asked, ‘Really?’ rolling my internal eyes. It said, ‘Yes, just trust me.’ I smiled.

.

It’s the little girl in me that feels she’s not loveable, and it’s that wound coming back to the surface again. Today I told that little girl, ‘There’s so many beautiful experiences infront of you. Keep your heart open. I love you.’

.

Aaron and I had the most beautiful year together where we went super deep and grew so much. And we have that, nothing can change the memories or take them away from us. We’ll always have a place in each other’s heart and will always have love for each other. I’ll forever be grateful for him for everything we shared.

.

The same love we shared tells Aaron, ‘I love you. I want you to be free. Whatever happiness looks like for you I want you to have it and I’ll be happy for you.’ I can’t be the judge of what his happiness looks or feels like or what moving on looks like for him. I didn’t believe as humans we can have unconditional love, it’s just not possible. What my coach reminded me today was, (thank God I have a coach!) ‘You experience unconditional love from a Soul level, on a human level, yes, you can’t get it, but from a Soul level you can.’ And I felt that for Aaron today 💛

.

All of the drama was a distraction for me to avoid my pain. I’m stepping up to a new level in my business so it’s another distraction to not create and to not serve. In every moment, we get to choose which level we want to operate from. I was in my victim place for the last few days. I can’t write or serve from that place, it just doesn’t work because I’m still in it.

.

When I was little, I remember realising we’re all going to die one day so I wanted to experience life fully until I die, I wanted the whole spectrum of it. Little did I know what the spectrum was like 😃 

.

Today, sitting here, I’m feeling grateful for wishing that. I get to experience life fully, the joy, ecstasy, love, and the grief, sadness, loss. On too of that, I get to guide people through their pain, into their gift, their light, to fulfill why they’re here for.

.

In deep pain, I shout through my tears, ‘I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!’

.

Surrender is not giving up, it’s letting go of needing to know all the answers and opening yourself up to what’s there for you. I don’t know all the answers. I know that I love giving workshops, sessions and I love writing. And currently I’m grieving. That’s all I know for now.

.

I have a part of me that is rigid in many ways. I like knowing what I’m doing, I like controlling the outcome so I feel safe. I’m learning to let go, to surrender a whole lot more. Already I’m feeling that I softened a bit more, I opened up a little bit more, knowing that I can’t control any of this so I surrender to what’s unfolding absolutely having no clue what that is.

.

In the midst of all this, I gave a Goddess Circle workshop Monday evening. I took a bath, setting the intention by the end of this bath I’m going to be in a place to serve. I’m going to do the best I can with where I am at in this moment. And I did that. I showed up, I told the ladies, ‘Look, I’m in a lot of grief and sadness at the moment. But I’m here for you and ready to serve you.’ In the end of it, one of the women told me, ‘Thank you for your energy even though you were going through a grief period, you still served and carried us perfectly through the session.’ 🌹

.

When I’m in this place of huge learning and growth, it’s not always easy. I look at other people and go, ‘Their life seems to be going pretty smoothly when mine is like a fucking roller coaster.’ Then I remind myself, people don’t always share their experiences or they’re not aware of their pain, especially on social media you see the tip of the iceberg. You see the package that is put together nicely. Take my word for it, everyone has something going on. 

.

Another thing is there is no comparison of intensity of the event. You might have an abortion, the love of your life might die, your child you made with love might leave this world (which I can’t even imagine how that feels) but it’s the inherent pain we all have in this human existence that gets triggered. So don’t ever compare your experience to someone else. This experience is what you need right now. You get to choose how you’re going to go through it.

.

That was another reason I wanted to share. I commit to being raw, open and real in life, same with my posts. I can’t pretend life is all happy and good when I’m experiencing grief. But also that’s not an excuse to not show up and do what I love.

.

You can be in pain, but in joy at the same time. You can feel pure joy and deep sadness at the same time. We’re not black and white, we’re having a human experience which has a whole spectrum I’m just tapping into. 

.

Everyone chooses to process their pain differently. I know that if I lock it away in a box and move on, it will come up again in my next relationship. I will carry on dating the same guy in different scenarios. I choose to go into it to heal it as much as I can while it’s present in my life.

.

Aaron and I will not be communicating for a month. During this time I will put everything I’ve got into writing my book which is our story. To write through my pain but not through my suffering as that’s a never ending, never serving place.

.

That’s the only healthy way I know to release something, to create something beautiful out of it, to put all that energy into a creation so it serves people going through something similar. That’s why I’m here to do, to write my experiences. This experience is a blessing in many ways, there’s a book in it to start with and who knows what else but I’m open to go into it and find out.

.

I’m just at the beginning of this, just because I had this realisation, doesn’t mean I’m healed from it but now I have a point of reference, a place I can go back to to remind myself and to surrender. It feels like swimming up to the surface of the water to breathe some air in.

.

Feel free to share this if it touches somewhere in your heart 💛

.

Loads of love to you all ❤️🌹

.

.

.

(This is the breathwork I’m doing, the guided journey is at the bottom of the page, it’s called Quantum Light Breath by Jeru Kabbal. It’s great and you feel super held. Give it a go:

.

http://yourfriendinspirit.blogspot.com/…/quantum-light-brea…)

Highlights from How the Light Gets In Festival

highlights.jpg

This is me laying down in Hampstead Heath on the weekend after a whole day of being in Walthamstow Wetlands, seeking the most naturelike places in London, yas 😍

.

Some of my highlights from attending How the Light Gets In festival last week 💚

.

✨Watching the circus twice from front row - human circus. I forgot how much I love watching aerial performers. They make it look so easy and effortless when it really isn’t. I admire them.
✨ Getting all my clothes and pillows wet and surrendering to the fact that our tent flooded two nights in a row.
✨Sitting around the bonfire staring at the fire for ages flirting with a guy realising I am now actually single.
✨ Watching debates, observing their body language when they disagree with each other. So fun, my daily dose of drama 💁🏽‍♀️
✨ Feeling grateful for having such a wonderful sister in my life Amanda, how we’re a great team and also we’re great at asking stuff from each other.
✨ Giving a breathwork journey while keeping a small kid away from the space of women shouting and stomping the floor - he didn’t succeed in getting into the space.
✨ Realising I like comfort. I love going into forest staying there for few days but eventually would love to come back to my warm house, bed and hot bath. I’m a true Libra, I like balance in life ☯️
.
Thank you Emma Bonnici Kanga Yoga for having me there to give sessions and workshops 🙏🏼
.
Thank you How the Light Gets In festival for offering a diverse experience of what a festival can look and feel like ❤️
.
What was the best memory you had at a festival you attended? Share one below 😍👇🏼
.
Loads of love to you 

I held a Goddess Circle yesterday at the Hay festival 🔥 

held a goddess festival.jpg

 

It was beautiful to see women feeling safe allowing themselves to express whatever their bodies need to express.

.

It’s an interesting experience for me when I give workshop in different spaces without seeing the space. I worry a little about how the space is, if its warm, will the door be open or closed etc. Then I show up and find out its all good 😃 This time it was in a dome tent. I loved it though, it allows me to adjust to different situations on the spot and improvise a little ✨
.
Festival here is a mixture of loads of talks about meaning of life, meditation, research studies, circus, bands, food and a wellbeing area where Amanda and I are giving workshops and sessions.
.
My expectation was to have a sunny weekend laying on the grass. That happened for like 3 hours yesterday when this photo was taken and now we’re back to pouring rain and I’m back in my warmest sweatshirt walking around attached to my umbrella 😍
.
Next workshop I’ll be holding here will be tomorrow at 12pm, a breathwork journey for men and women. Come along if you’re around Hay-on-Wye. Message me if you’re interested 💙
.
Sending you loads of love 💛✨
.