shadow

👉🏼 BLAMING VS OWNERSHIP 👊🏼

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What you resist in others is what you have in yourself that you haven’t accepted yet. 

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Judgement shows you where you need to grow or where you need to have more compassion for yourself more.

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Similar to judgement, blaming other people is a distraction from feeling and going through your own pain. It’s so much easier to blame someone for your pain.

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It’s so much easier to create drama rather than owning your pain. It’s so much easier to get angry at your parents rather than feeling your wound of feeling not good enough or unloved. It’s so much easier to blame your partner for making you feel sad by breaking up with you rather than feeling your own wound of abandonment.

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Whenever you get an emotional trigger towards someone, hurt, anger, frustration; it often comes down to a memory you had when you were a child. It’s usually not about that person. Nearly nothing is personal. You might feel your partner is causing you pain, they’re not. They’re triggering an unresolved pain from your past.

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So how do you create a life free of drama?

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By taking ownership of your life. You are creating everything in your life. Things don’t just happen to you randomly. Everything happening in your life shows you what is already going amazing and also what needs to change.

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Up until 2 years ago, I used to have so much drama in my life and I thought things were just happening and I felt powerless against it all. With ownership of all of my reality, constant self-reflecting and having few people around me with great awareness and intuition reflecting back to me the choices I make, I can say that, I’m grateful to live a life with honesty, openness and integrity. Of course I have setbacks but I bounce back from it in a day rather than lingering in my Ego for a week. This is my biggest achievement to date, to live my life this way 🌟

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And this shift doesn’t have to be hard. Inner work doesn’t have to be serious. Healing doesn’t have to happen in suffering. It takes a moment, a second, a choice to shift. 

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Here are some examples of turning BLAMING into OWNING:

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting angry at your partner for not making you feel loved and cared for

OWNING 👉🏼 You might feel this deep down without your partner anyway and you’re not letting them know what makes you feel loved expecting them to know magically.

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting annoyed at a woman in the bus for talking super loud on the phone

OWNING 👉🏼 You might have a family member that was super loud so you decided to keep yourself very quiet and small. 

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You feel pretty crap this morning and the weather is shit.

OWNING 👉🏼 You haven’t created space for yourself last night to unwind and relax, you went to bed straight from being your phone so you didn’t get a good night’s sleep.

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Here’s how you can shift from blaming to owning when you’re triggered:

- Close your eyes, take a deep breath.

- Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” and “What am I feeling?”. Your thoughts and feelings are gateways to your Ego. Feel free to blame others here, go for it.

- Sit with that feeling, notice how it feels.

- Ask “What is this showing me about myself?” & “What is this teaching me?”

- Take another deep breath.

- See a golden ball of light above your head descending onto your body, touching your head. As it does, your whole body lights up and you’re free of the past and the future. You’re empty, here and now. And you let go of the need to know ✨

- Ask “What is in the highest to do?” 

- Follow through on that. 

- Give yourself a hug, because why not ❤️

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This works with any kind of relationships, intimate, family, friends, collegue etc. If you want to have a conversation about it with the person, ask if they’d be open to talk about it. Then start with, “I’m feeling... when you .....”. This way you are owning how you’re feeling rather than blaming the other person.

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When you master this shift from blaming to owning, I PROMISE YOU, all the drama in your life will start to fall away. You’ll notice the difference when your life start to become effortless, simple where you know what your truth is as you own what is yours and what isn’t ❤️

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I do 1-1 transformational coaching sessions around owning your life, making choices that are in the highest and create a drama-free life full of flow and joy. Message me if you’re interested ❤️

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Have a gorgeous Saturday! 😍

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I love you 💛

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A reminder for you ❤️

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This is my notebook's cover. I usually buy my notebooks in orange, pink or some other bright colours, never in black. When I saw this one, I felt so drawn towards it though.

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Few weeks in having it, I'm seeing more and more the importance of just sitting with your shadow, parts you feel you can't share with others.
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No matter how you're feeling, how depressed, low, fearful or whatever you're feeling right now, its ok. You're allowed to feel that way, allow it to be there, see them and let it go in its own time. Each emotion goes away when they're seen and felt fully.
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Reach out to someone and share, you can share with me if you like to 💛 There's something powerful about just sitting with someone without needing to give them the answer, do coaching, healing or whatever. Sometimes its all you need, to be seen.
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You might feel like those uncomfortable depressing, restricting feelings shouldn't exist. But actually if you're seen and loved in those places, then you feel loved as a whole 😍
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Massive thank you to all the gorgeous ladies joined me last night at the Goddess Circle. I will always do these evenings where women feel seen ❤️ Tonita Hallam Daisie Wilson Sara Nesti Gemma Le Conte Carina Bidese Lena Magdalena
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Loads of love to you 💜
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💚 TRIGGERS IN RELATIONSHIPS 💚

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Every person that has a successful, deep, vulnerable and loving relationship have also experienced the depths of their shadow.. No question.

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I saw this photo the other day and I loved it! You might try to blame or shame that person but the very thing that you don't like about them is the side you're not accepting about yourself..
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The good thing is its coming up to show you a lesson. To help you move forward, to liberate you from your chains so that you can be who you truly are.
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Relationships fall apart, because you don't want to go there, you don't want to face your own shadow so you blame the other person for not showing up as how you want them to show up.
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If you're not willing to take responsibility of what's coming up for you, there's no intimacy and connection. Only seperation, illusion and pain.
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What ends relationships is not clearing the bagages as you go. A make up sex, a nice gesture after an argument make it look like the pain is gone, but it doesn't remove the pain. It overrides the pain, covers it.. Overtime, the pain becomes unbearable and because of the pile of uncleared stuff, the relationship falls apart..
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Each time you get triggered, its an opportunity to heal and grow.. Each time you go into that space, communicate openly and get out of it together all clear, that's where you have higher love and more connection.
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So the next time your partner triggers you, sit down together and do these:
- Express how you feel openly.
- Your partner listens to you without interrupting.
- When you're done, your partner gets a turn to speak.
- You do the same with listening.
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It doesn't have to be complicated, this is simple. When you are listened without interruption, you're being seen, heard and honoured in your vulnerability of your shadow. It's super healing, vulnerable and so worth the time and energy..
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What triggers you most in relationships? What's your immediate reaction when you get triggered? Comment below if you feel drawn to it ☺️🙏🏼
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Have a wonderful week! 🌼
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Much love to you 💚
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