judgement

👉🏼 BLAMING VS OWNERSHIP 👊🏼

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What you resist in others is what you have in yourself that you haven’t accepted yet. 

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Judgement shows you where you need to grow or where you need to have more compassion for yourself more.

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Similar to judgement, blaming other people is a distraction from feeling and going through your own pain. It’s so much easier to blame someone for your pain.

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It’s so much easier to create drama rather than owning your pain. It’s so much easier to get angry at your parents rather than feeling your wound of feeling not good enough or unloved. It’s so much easier to blame your partner for making you feel sad by breaking up with you rather than feeling your own wound of abandonment.

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Whenever you get an emotional trigger towards someone, hurt, anger, frustration; it often comes down to a memory you had when you were a child. It’s usually not about that person. Nearly nothing is personal. You might feel your partner is causing you pain, they’re not. They’re triggering an unresolved pain from your past.

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So how do you create a life free of drama?

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By taking ownership of your life. You are creating everything in your life. Things don’t just happen to you randomly. Everything happening in your life shows you what is already going amazing and also what needs to change.

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Up until 2 years ago, I used to have so much drama in my life and I thought things were just happening and I felt powerless against it all. With ownership of all of my reality, constant self-reflecting and having few people around me with great awareness and intuition reflecting back to me the choices I make, I can say that, I’m grateful to live a life with honesty, openness and integrity. Of course I have setbacks but I bounce back from it in a day rather than lingering in my Ego for a week. This is my biggest achievement to date, to live my life this way 🌟

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And this shift doesn’t have to be hard. Inner work doesn’t have to be serious. Healing doesn’t have to happen in suffering. It takes a moment, a second, a choice to shift. 

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Here are some examples of turning BLAMING into OWNING:

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting angry at your partner for not making you feel loved and cared for

OWNING 👉🏼 You might feel this deep down without your partner anyway and you’re not letting them know what makes you feel loved expecting them to know magically.

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You’re getting annoyed at a woman in the bus for talking super loud on the phone

OWNING 👉🏼 You might have a family member that was super loud so you decided to keep yourself very quiet and small. 

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BLAMING 👉🏼 You feel pretty crap this morning and the weather is shit.

OWNING 👉🏼 You haven’t created space for yourself last night to unwind and relax, you went to bed straight from being your phone so you didn’t get a good night’s sleep.

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Here’s how you can shift from blaming to owning when you’re triggered:

- Close your eyes, take a deep breath.

- Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” and “What am I feeling?”. Your thoughts and feelings are gateways to your Ego. Feel free to blame others here, go for it.

- Sit with that feeling, notice how it feels.

- Ask “What is this showing me about myself?” & “What is this teaching me?”

- Take another deep breath.

- See a golden ball of light above your head descending onto your body, touching your head. As it does, your whole body lights up and you’re free of the past and the future. You’re empty, here and now. And you let go of the need to know ✨

- Ask “What is in the highest to do?” 

- Follow through on that. 

- Give yourself a hug, because why not ❤️

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This works with any kind of relationships, intimate, family, friends, collegue etc. If you want to have a conversation about it with the person, ask if they’d be open to talk about it. Then start with, “I’m feeling... when you .....”. This way you are owning how you’re feeling rather than blaming the other person.

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When you master this shift from blaming to owning, I PROMISE YOU, all the drama in your life will start to fall away. You’ll notice the difference when your life start to become effortless, simple where you know what your truth is as you own what is yours and what isn’t ❤️

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I do 1-1 transformational coaching sessions around owning your life, making choices that are in the highest and create a drama-free life full of flow and joy. Message me if you’re interested ❤️

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Have a gorgeous Saturday! 😍

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I love you 💛

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🙏🏼 GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION 🙏🏼

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Last weekend, I went to Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk. She’s the author of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and ‘Big Magic’.

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She’s super funny, real, loving, straightforward and compassionate all at the same time, loved her energy and the way she spoke. Such a courageous Soul ✨
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We wrote ourselves letters from different aspects of ourselves. One letter we wrote specifically hit close to home. It was a permission slip.
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There might be times you feel like you can’t do the things you want to do because you might feel you will be judged, you might feel like a bad person for wanting to do these things. Then shame comes in. An endless battle starts within you trying to be good. You look outside of yourself wanting someone to tell you you’re ok.
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Usually this person is some sort of authority figure, teacher, mum, dad. Someone you look up to, someone you believe if they agree with what you are doing and who you are, you’re all good.
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What if you gave yourself that permission you’ve been seeking for?
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We wrote the ultimate permission slip from the authority, the head teacher within us. It goes like this, I put in some examples:
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From the office of the head teachers, (you gotta make it all formal)
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Dear (your name),
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I’m the head teacher and this is your permission slip.
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I give you permission to not clean up that food you spilled straight away.
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I give you permission to not smile when you’re not feeling like smiling.
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I give you permission to change your hair colour.
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(And goes on until you feel complete.)
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Sincerely,
The head teacher
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You list everything you’ve been meaning to do or be but felt like you can’t do that. This is your permission from yourself to yourself.
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You can say things like ‘I give you permission to love yourself, to forgive yourself’ etc but be specific. Maybe its speaking your truth about something, maybe its about allowing yourself to cry or maybe its taking yourself to that retreat or holiday.
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When some of the people in the room read their permission slip, the energy was incredible. So freeing, expanded and honest. I definitely felt freer when I wrote mine🌻
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Try this for yourself, write it out and put it up somewhere you can see 😍
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Ask these questions:
- What exactly is it you want to give yourself permission for?
- What is it you want to do?
- What is it you want to stop doing?
- What would you love to do if no one would judge or shame you?
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Would love to hear some in the comments if you feel like sharing 🌷
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Sending you loads of love 💛
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