💃🏽 CONFIDENCE: BEING YOURSELF💃🏽

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Video: https://www.facebook.com/isik.tlabar/posts/10160864658090300?__tn__=K-R

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Confidence is owning all that you are and showing up in the world saying “This is who I am.” ❤️

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One of the most common things I come across people say in sessions and workshops is in some form or another, “I want to be myself. Sometimes, I don’t know who I am.”

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Confidence starts with being yourself. I don’t believe you can fake until you make it. People can tell that you’re faking it, they’re not stupid. And you definitely know that you’re faking it 😃 so what’s the point of that when you can start from where you’re at? Sometimes being yourself is being in silence. You don’t have to express your opinion about everything all the time. Or you don’t have to be loud to be or feel confident. No confident person ever tried to prove they’re confident anyway.

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When you see someone being themselves, it gives you the permission to do the same in your own way. You might have heard this quote by Marianne Williamson, 

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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It’s probably my favourite quote to date ❤️

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As children we felt free, we lived in the moment. We didn’t worry about how we looked or what people thought about us. We were so busy being ourselves, having fun and enjoying the world. What if we kept that outlook on life? What if we didn’t doubted or questioned ourselves?

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I saw ‘I Feel Pretty’ last week. I loved it so much that I watched it again. It’s about how we pressure ourselves to look a certain way, especially women, how we criticise ourselves constantly beating ourselves up. When we look at someone we can see what makes them, them, in their unique way but when it comes down to ourselves, we’re our worst critics.

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✨ Who would you be if no one you knew existed?✨

Who you are is you, better than all the comparisons and shoulds because no one is you. No one has your face, your ideas, your energy, your creativity. Even if its a similar idea that is done before, it’s not you who’s doing it, your energy matters. 

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✨ What would you do if rejection didn’t exist? ✨

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Rejection is another thing. When it happens, we make it personal about us. Even if we knew deep down, that person wasn’t right for us, now on top of that you feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. The truth is it doesn’t mean anything about you, and it’s time to find someone who will cherish you for who you are.

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Another thing is you don’t have to believe in yourself all the time. I definitely don’t. All you need is 1-2 cheerleaders by your side as a reminder of what you already know, deep down. They can be your friend, lover, your coach, someone that will tell you, “I believe in you. You’re a shining star and you got this.” And some days its you, telling yourself.

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Here’s a process for you:

- Stand infront of a mirror and look into your eyes

- Keep breathing

- Think of something you like about yourself and say it to yourself out loud

- It can be small or big, physical or anything else. To take it to the next level, do this once a day every day for a week and see what you come up with 🤩 you might even hug yourself by the end of it 🌹

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If you want to feel what it feels like to be yourself, with no judgement or shame, come do breathwork with me on the 20th next week. If you know what that feels like, come join anyway. Let’s go deeper, find parts of you that you didn’t know was there. And all you’re doing is breathing ✨

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Make sure to book your ticket if you want to join, we’re half full now. Here’s the link to book:

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https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3600217

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You might get caught up in your imperfections and completely miss what makes you amazing until someone points it out.

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So tag a friend and comment below. What do you love about them? What makes them, them? Let’s celebrate each other 😍❤️

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Loads of love to you 😘

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🎧 by Monolink - The End

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I’m on a podcast!

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Few weeks ago, Kat and I spoke about intuition, ego, getting out of your head and coming back to your body and so much more ❤️

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Click and have a listen ✨
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https://www.kathorrocks.com/…/connect-to-your-intuition-put…
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Check out the other super inspiring conversations on her podcast Put Yourself First which are all about empowering women 😘
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Have a beautiful Sunday evening ❤️
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And happy new moon! 🌕
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Here’s to a new beginning and cycle ⭐️
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🍒 WHY I STOPPED WEARING BRAS 🍒

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Here is the last post from the makeup, body hair etc I’ve been writing about in the last few days ❤️ 

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Ever since I’ve grown breasts up until two years ago, I was wearing bras every day. I was wearing those underwired ones, the ones that make you feel like you’ve just stepped into a heaven when you take them off. So I started thinking “It’s super comfortable to have these off, why am I not having them off completely?” I stopped wearing them for a while just to try it out. And I ended up not wearing them for a whole year.
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When you feel self-conscious about how you look, people look at you as if they read your mind 😃 When you don’t feel self-conscious, people just mind their own business. So in the beginning, I was super conscious of people seeing my nipples as if they’re things you should hide while everyone pretends they doesn’t exist. Over time, I relaxed into it. The more women do it, the more it becomes a normal thing as well.
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There is also a sexualisation of women and their breasts. Yes, they’re sensual, beautiful and sexy but they’re also nurturers of new life, they feed babies and they are part of a women’s body. They’re actually functional too.
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Later on I found out wearing a bra doesn’t actually prevent your breasts from sagging. On the contrary, that underwire in the bra weakens the supporive tissue by stopping the blood flow. When I found this out, I went, “Fuck this, I’m not wearing those underwires again.” (unless its an irresistably sexy one 🍒)
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Here’s the article if you want to read other myths about breasts sagging - https://www.health.com/breast-ca…/what-causes-breasts-to-sag
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Another thing that happened to my breasts over the last year was, they grew in size! There’s something about your breasts also being around your heart centre. When you fully receive love and you feel loved, your breasts grow. I don’t know if there is a scientific explanation to this but this is what happened to me and if it happened to me, I’m pretty sure it can happen to other women too.
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Now I got rid of all my underwired bras and I only wear bralettes some days when I go dancing etc. They can be super sexy and my God, they’re comfortable!
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Whether you have a partner or not, give love to your breasts. Close your eyes and caress them in a way you’d love to receive touch to your breasts. Don’t wait until someone comes in and shows then love while you don’t do that for yourself 😍
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How’s your journey been with your bras and breasts? 🌹
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Feel free to share this 😘
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Loads of love to you 👙❤️
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🎨 by @tinamariaelena

I went to this bookstore/cafe place the other day in Bodrum and I loved it! 

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So here’s another memory about books from when I was a kid 😍

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I completely forgot about it until I remembered it the other day. It’s amazing, when you spend time somewhere you used to live, the energy of the place brings up memories.
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When we went to toy shops etc mum would say I’m allowed to buy one toy. But when we went to bookshops, she would say there’s no limit, I can buy as much as I wanted.
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Obviously I didn’t go over the top but thanks to that, I would read so many books. I was super shy and I didn’t speak much. I mainly observed people and got lost in stories in the books keeing myself entertained as the only child.
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To this day, I can spend hours in a bookstore ❤️
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Another thanks goes to my parents for giving me the love for books 😍👨‍👩‍👧
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Loads of love to you ✨
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This is our best family photo so far 😂

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Dad, mum and I were having dinner last night and mum asked me what I appreciated them doing while I was growing up. There are many of them but here’s the one that came to me ❤️

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I remember when we went out for food, mum would ask me to ask for the bill. So as a 6-7 year old, I would do that. Or if I wanted chocolate or something, mum would give me money and I would go off to buy it rather than her buying for me. I didn’t enjoy it at the time but now I’m really grateful for it.
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Once in France, right after just having learnt how to write, dad would write down how to ask for newspapers in French which he wrote in a readable Turkish way so that I could go off to buy newspapers from this French woman. I remember after giving me the newspapers, she would tell stuff and I’d just stare at her face. Little did she know, that was the whole of my French vocabulary back then 😃
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So thank you mum and dad for encouraging me to do things I was shit scared to do. I now continue to do that voluntarily like a crazy person 🙏🏼
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Swipe right for more decent photos 😃❤️
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Have a gorgeous Friday night! 💛
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💛 YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY HAIR 💛

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Following the post I wrote two days ago about makeup, today’s post is about body and pubic hair.

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I’m Turkish and I am a naturally hairy woman. As a teenager, I was very self-conscious of my body hair. I started waxing super early in my life. I was super embarrassed about my hair that I got laser on my legs, arms and armpit at the age of 16 to get rid of the hair. I got rid of %90 of the hair (as good as it gets with Turkish hair 😃). So now I barely have hair on my body apart from my pubic hair. 

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I remember the main reason I didn’t do laser on my pubic hair was having a very low pain threshold. And I remember this thought, ‘What if a future partner prefers to have hair down there?’ I was prioritising someone else’s opinion over how I feel about having or not having hair. 

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I remember boys at school would tease girls who had hair on their arms, legs, upper lips and near the chin line. They would tell them they look like a boy. I know they didn’t know any better, as they were young boys growing up feeling insecure about their own hair as well. But how damaging is that to hear, as a girl growing up to find out who she is?

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I watched Russell Howard’s show “Recalibrate” on Netflix. He’s just an incredible comedian. He was talking about pubic hair and how young girls are pressured to be and look in a certain way. They thought having hair on their vagina looks horrible. This breaks my heart as I was one of them too.

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He makes a joke saying, “No men found himself in paradise and went, ‘Well this is lovely, but look at the lawn.’” 😃 

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It’s your body, your hair. You decide what you want to do or not do with it. No one can tell you what you should do with it. They might have a preference and that doesn’t mean anything about you or how your vagina looks. Your vagina is beautiful as it is. 

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Men are blessed to be around your naked body and your vagina. Don’t let them tell you either way. It is the most sacred part of your body and most intimate someone can be with you. They’re literally in you.

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Here’s a little process if you were shamed for your body or pubic hair:

- Close your eyes

- Imagine the person who shamed you, infront of you

- Say out loud everything you need to tell them to let go of this memory (alternatively write)

- Now see what their pain, their conditioning was, why did they behave that way?

- Forgiveness is always great, not to make them right, but to release heaviness from your side. If you feel to do so, forgive them.

- Imagine a cord between you, cut the cord woth your hands

- (Do this one by one or address a whole bunch of people collectively and cut the cord collectively.)

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It is never personal, only a conditioning ✨

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I believe this will change with women sharing how they feel about having or not having hair. Rather than men telling how it should be on a body or body part they don’t even have. I find it similar to expecting men to magically know how it feels to have a period, they can’t. Because they haven’t experienced it. Only women can tell them how it feels.

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I know many women who choose to grow their body hair. That’s beautiful. I know many women who choose to shave all the hair off their body. That’s beautiful too. Because women are beautiful, as they are 💃🏽

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I’m not saying throw away all your shavers and grow all your hair on your body and never shave, do whatever feels good for your body. 

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Now I shave my arms / legs / armpits with that bit of hair comes out after laser. Because I love how my skin feels and I’m actually grateful now that I did the laser. And I wax my pubic hair regularly after cupping my vagina telling her I love her, I’m here and this will hurt a bit, because that ‘painless’ wax is such a lie 😂

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Feel free to share this 🌹

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Loads of love to you all ❤️

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Painting by Georgia O’Keeffe

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💄 A MONTH WITHOUT MAKEUP 💄

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Today marks one month without wearing any makeup ❤️

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I grew up being told if you go out without make up, it’s disrespectful for other people. You haven’t put any effort in, meaning you don’t care about the person you’re meeting up with. It sounds ridiculous writing this but growing up it sounded legit. Ever since I was 15, I learnt to put makeup on my face every day. It just became a habit so I rolled with it.
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I had a week here and there when I was camping, in nature, or at a retreat and didn’t put makeup on. It felt weird initially, like something’s missing. I look like I just rolled out of bed. After few days though, it felt beautiful. I get to connect with and love my real face ❤️
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This time around, after 2-3 weeks of no makeup (not even ‘bit of mascara’), I swear, my eye lashes started to grow! Even my skin got better, my eyes started to shine a lot more. My face literally perked up. So I carried on until now ✨
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I keep hearing men sometimes find telling women ‘You’re beautiful’ a bit cheesy, assuming they hear it all the time. They might or might not hear it all the time, but it never is cheesy to hear it again. You have no idea how many incredibly beautiful women don’t find themselves beautiful. It might be a vulnerable thing to say but go for it ❤️
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I didn’t find myself beautiful without makeup at some point because I was disconnected from who I truly was. Now I’m super happy to say I can go out without makeup and feel beautiful and good in my body (I don’t really go out, but you know to 5rhythms class or something 😃)
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You might be in a workplace where you feel you have to wear makeup. Start with a week on holiday where you’re not putting anything on to try it out, to pass that initial resistant phase and see how your face will start to shine in it’s natural beauty 😍
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Another thing is how men treat you when you have no makeup on. If they don’t honour and treat you well without it, maybe have an open and honest conversation about your expectations and upbringings around how women should be. They are just beliefs many people took on board without questioning how they feel about them. They’re not the ultimate truth, and they don’t have to be your truth for sure.
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✨ You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. ✨
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If they honour and treat you well without makeup on, amazing. You should be treated like a queen, just as you are, with or without makeup 💃🏽
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I’m not saying throw away all your make up and never use it again 😃 If the desire to do so comes naturally, that’s amazing. Just don’t do it out of reaction. I love make up, I’ll probably use it in the future 😍 Just sharing how in awe I am for the result of not using makeup for a month 💄
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Your face is the only face you have and no one else has it. Give so much love to it ❤️
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Feel free to share this post 😘
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May you have a gorgeous week ahead 💛
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I’m in Turkey! 🇹🇷

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And it’s hot here, super hot 🔥

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But there’s aircon everywhere thank God 🤗
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Here are few cool things that happened since I arrived on Sunday:
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- I met a super aware cab driver. (Cab drivers are usually grumpy and aggressive here). He was talking about how life is not about knowing but applying what you know, taking action. Life happens now. And if you don’t know pain you don’t know true happiness either. I asked him how he learnt all this, he said, ‘On the way, in life.’ He finished by saying I’m like a Zen garden. Thank you Ahmet 🙏🏼
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- I went to the dentist’s. This is not the cool part. The cool part is a dentist asked me after stopping drilling to my gum ‘Do I have permission to carry on?’. I nearly cried from gratefulness. I find that doctors I came across, mostly didn’t let me know what they’re doing to my body or they didn’t ask for permission. I loved how he asked, I acknowledged him, gave it a shot and talked a bit about how trauma works in the body. He lost me there a bit but received the compliment 😍
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- I had dinner with mum and saw the movie ‘I Feel Pretty’, its all about how people get caught up in their little imperfections and they completely miss what makes them awesome. Just see it, it’s so good 🤘🏼
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- I took a nap today, then woke up to see I sold two more Goddess Circle tickets for September. In the next hour, it was sold out. Yey! I didn’t even do anything. It always amazes me how they get filled when I rest 😃
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- I’m writing this on the plane from Istanbul to Bodrum (South Turkey). At the airport, I ran into a friend of mine, then another one ON the plane :)
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- I saw 22:33, 22:44, 22:55 back to back. I’m aligned as fuck, ready to take over the world 😎 Just another reason to celebrate life, why not.
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I’m off to spend time with mum and dad in Bodrum for like a week, alternating between the sea, laptop and book ☀️
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What are you up to so far in your week? 😘
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Have a gorgeous night 🌙
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