trigger

👦🏽 TRIGGERS IN FAMILY: COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR CHILDREN 👧🏽

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This post came out from what I observe around me for years, my experience and what I saw when few parents told me their issues they're having with their children.

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I'm not a parent but I have pretty sick observing skills and awareness, so bare with me 😃
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If you're a parent, you're going to have conflict with your children at some point, it's inevitable.
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You will not agree with your child, at times they will annoy you. They will mirror you aspects of yourself which you haven't seen or resolved from the past..
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It's a blessing and a burden at the same time. It's totally up to you to decide how to perceive it. You can see it as an opportunity for growth or an obstacle.
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Infinite amount of love can turn into infinite amount of annoyance if you choose the second 😂 Then followed by guilt because how can you be so angry at someone you love so much, your own daughter or son..
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In those moments, listening to your children is the key. When I say listen, I'm not talking about staying silent while you have a storm going on inside you. Your child will feel that and close themselves off.
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What I mean is being fully present with them, parking everything at the side for a while and giving them all your attention to really hear them out.
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Next time your daughter or son is disagreeing with you, try these out:
- Take a deep breath.
- Notice how you feel.
- Name how you feel (in your mind).
- Imagine you have your own bubble of energy around you. Imagine they have one too.
- Imagine you enter their energy field.
- Now listen. Give all your attention to them. Leave your phone, stop looking at tv, fully focus on them.
- Ask questions to clarify, to fully understand. You can say things like, 'From what I heard, it sounds like you .... Is that right?'
- Then hear them out.
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Open communication and true listening are two things you need, not just in your relationship with your children but in all relationships..
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Here's another example:
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Let's say you have a 16 year old who doesn't give you much info about their day at school and gets angry all the time.
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When they come home, you ask them how their day went and you get a simple 'fine'.
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Don't ask yes or no questions. Then you're asking and guiding them to give the answer you want to hear. Ask them what they're up to these days for example and allow them to lead the conversation. Be curious and if they sense your curiosity, they'll open up.
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It's ok if it doesn't work at the first go. Some may test you when they see a change, to see if the change is real lol. So they'll push you at times. Be patient and know that you're doing your best.
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You're doing the best you can with where you are right now. And it's ok to make mistakes as you're a human too, no one's perfect.
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Much love to you all lovely parents 💞
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You're doing the most important job on the planet 😍
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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 TRIGGERS IN FAMILY: MASTER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

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Your parents are the people that will trigger you the most, at times even more than your partner.

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I was chatting to a friend the other day. He was telling me how he went on a holiday with his family and now he needs another holiday, an actual one where he can relax 😃

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This is so real.. You go to see your parents for Christmas, holiday or whatever and that gathering becomes hell.. Everyone's Egos flying all over the place, people getting annoyed, old deep wounds coming up to surface.. You leave the holiday feeling worse than how you felt in the beginning 😂

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It's so easy for your parents to trigger you, annoy you. The reason for this is they're the people you know the oldest. There are so many memories between you, pain, love, joy, happiness, hurt, anger, guilt, even emotional, sexual or physical abuse at times. So when you get triggered you're not just triggered for that moment, you're triggered for the sum of all those moments, for all these unresolved issues coming up.

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Also they are great mirrors. You inherited so many unconscious behaviours, patterns, habits from your parents because you saw them doing it as you were growing up. So you absorbed them like a sponge. Now as a grown up, when your unconscious defense mechanisms are reflected back at you by your parents, you feel angry and annoyed.. 

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In an argument with your family, your Ego will get triggered because its an unsafe situation. There's danger so you go into a survival mode by seeing the other person as the enemy. 

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But you're more than that. You're not just your Ego. You have your higher self, your true self. This is fully you, this is the real part of you that sees the situations as they are rather than attaching a story to it. 

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You can see those trigger moments as opportunities for you to grow. Your parents are showing you areas you need to work on.. Patterns that you have are being reflected to you so you can change them. Rather than figuring out those patterns on your own, you have someone to show you. How wonderful is that..

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In one of Tony Robbins videos, he was saying that its easy to meditate all day and grow on your own. Try being with the person you love 24/7, that's real growth 😉 You don't necessarily need that person, but through your parents or partner you see all those areas you need to work on much quicker than you'd see on your own.. 

Your parents are as human as you are, they have their vulnerabilities, mistakes, regrets, weaknesses etc. When you see them as humans, you understand them, you forgive them and you see them for who they are. 

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And you don't have your parents for long. Some of you don't have them with you anymore. Feel the love you have for them and connect with them as much as you can. Then you actually enjoy the time you have with them rather than dreading it.

Find out what their love language is. How you want to be loved might not be the same way they want to be loved. Maybe your mum loves a hug rather than receiving a gift. You can find out yours from this link, then your parents'. You can even make a game out of it and do it together 😍 

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I'll write another post about love languages but here is the link until then: 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

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Next time you're in an argument with one of your parents, follow these steps:

- Before you do or say anything, take a deep breath. Honestly, don't skip this. Do this throughout the whole thing anyway 😃

- Notice how you feel.

- Notice how the way you feel is making you do something, like an impulse. It can be shouting, getting physical, hurting that person with word etc. 

- Notice how your parent feels. If its not obvious, ask them, don't assume how they're feeling. (Always focus on how you feel first then the other person, a bit like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first on plane before you put on your child)

- See they're human like you and see their pain in that moment.

- Then imagine you're looking at the situation from above as if your higher self is observing it.

- Ask yourself 'What would my higher self do?', 'What's in the highest in this moment?'

- Do that.

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You, but only you have the power. Just having awareness of what's going on internally and externally will do magic for you, your parents, and eventually for your relationship.. 

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You always have a choice. You can choose to act from Ego or you can choose to act from your higher self. Depending on what result you want to have, its up to you to choose which level you want to operate from.. 

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When you can see you're in your Ego while you're in your Ego, that's the biggest, most helpful tool you can learn in life. Then nothing has power or control over you. 

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Master your relationship with your parents, master all relationships 😉

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Loads of love to you ❤️

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(I love Family Guy 😍)

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💚 TRIGGERS IN RELATIONSHIPS 💚

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Every person that has a successful, deep, vulnerable and loving relationship have also experienced the depths of their shadow.. No question.

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I saw this photo the other day and I loved it! You might try to blame or shame that person but the very thing that you don't like about them is the side you're not accepting about yourself..
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The good thing is its coming up to show you a lesson. To help you move forward, to liberate you from your chains so that you can be who you truly are.
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Relationships fall apart, because you don't want to go there, you don't want to face your own shadow so you blame the other person for not showing up as how you want them to show up.
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If you're not willing to take responsibility of what's coming up for you, there's no intimacy and connection. Only seperation, illusion and pain.
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What ends relationships is not clearing the bagages as you go. A make up sex, a nice gesture after an argument make it look like the pain is gone, but it doesn't remove the pain. It overrides the pain, covers it.. Overtime, the pain becomes unbearable and because of the pile of uncleared stuff, the relationship falls apart..
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Each time you get triggered, its an opportunity to heal and grow.. Each time you go into that space, communicate openly and get out of it together all clear, that's where you have higher love and more connection.
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So the next time your partner triggers you, sit down together and do these:
- Express how you feel openly.
- Your partner listens to you without interrupting.
- When you're done, your partner gets a turn to speak.
- You do the same with listening.
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It doesn't have to be complicated, this is simple. When you are listened without interruption, you're being seen, heard and honoured in your vulnerability of your shadow. It's super healing, vulnerable and so worth the time and energy..
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What triggers you most in relationships? What's your immediate reaction when you get triggered? Comment below if you feel drawn to it ☺️🙏🏼
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Have a wonderful week! 🌼
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Much love to you 💚
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🔴 "ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?" 🔴

There's a thing where women feel all over the place just before they have their period. I'm sure women, you felt this or men, you dreaded being around your woman feeling 'oh god here it goes again' 😉

Everything seem to work great when period is not around, you feel energised, sexy, radiant and getting so much done. Then slowly PMS vibes start to kick in. You don't have as much energy, not motivated, not feeling overly social and just a bit off, sometimes annoyed at yourself for not keeping your momentum, also triggers are everywhere.. Who can relate to this? 🙌🏼
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First of all, women are not built like men, you don't function linearly super pumped every day. You function in cycles, you have your ups and downs. And when you really honour the downs, ups become even more powerful and stronger.
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PMS is actually a magical time where, women, have a natural built in system telling you things you need to work on. Brings up stuff for you so there is an opportunity to learn and grow more. But sometimes you tend to not listen to your body, numb it with painkillers or feel sorry for yourself for few days..
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I was at that place for many years thinking its normal to have pain during period. It's actually not, those pains are things coming up for you so you start clearing them. When I started listening to those messages and did healing on things that were coming up, pain went away as soon as I realised the lesson of it.
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And now even when I'm thinking of doing something that I shouldn't, my womb literally kicks in a pain saying no to that ✌🏼
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So here are few steps you can do to clear:
- Feel into the pain, allow yourself to feel the pain first, its there for a reason.
- Ask the pain what emotions, feelings and even people its bringing up.
- Imagine taking out that emotion, person and talking to them, tell everything you want. Acknowledging the feeling is most of the healing.
- Ask what do I need to learn about this experience and allow the answer to come up.
(You can talk in your mind or journaling is even more powerful)
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So what are the things that come up for you during or before your period? You can PM me if you don't wanna share publicly ✨
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Loads of love!