Conscious Parenting

✨ MAGIC OF THE DAY ✨

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At the weekend, I wandered around Hampstead Heath and went into a bookstore. I always check the children’s books section as some are really deep concepts simplified and they end up being both for children and grown-ups actually.

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I found a children’s book called “Cry Heart, but never break” by Glenn Ringtved. Feeling intrigued, I sat cross legged and started reading.
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It’s a story about how death is a natural part of life, how joy and grief cannot exist one another. Here’s how the story goes:
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In a small house, lived four children with their grandmother. One day she had a visitor. The children knew it was Death who came for their grandmother.
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The children made the plan to keep Death away from their grandmother by giving him coffee all through the night. Every time Death emptied his cup, they would offer him more.
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Time passed and finally, Death was ready. The children asked him why their grandmother had to die. Death wanted to help them understand. So he told them a story.
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There lived two brothers called Sorrow and Grief. Woeful and sad, they moved up and down their gloomy valley, never looking up. At the top of those hills, there lived two sisters called Joy and Delight. Bright and sunny, they were full of happiness, but they felt they couldn’t fully enjoy their happiness.
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One day the brothers and the sisters met and they fell in love with each other. After their double wedding, they moved into neighboring houses halfway-up and halfway-down the hill. They lived to be very old. When the time came to die, Grief and Joy died on the same day. So did Sorrow and Delight.
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After telling the story Death said, “It is the same with life and death.
What would life be worth is there were no death?
Who would enjoy the sun if it never rained?
Who would yearn for day if there were no night?”
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Then Death stood up and went upstairs. Moments later, the children heard the upstairs window open. Then, in a voice somewhere between a cry and a whisper, Death said, “Fly. Soul. Fly, fly away.”
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The children hurried upstairs. Grandmother had died. Looking at the children, Death said, “Cry, Heart, but never break. Let yours tears of grief and sadness help begin new life.” Then he left.
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In the years that followed, the children loved with their joy and their sorrow, but they always remembered Death’s words and took great comfort from their hearts, which grieved and cried but never broke.
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It’s pretty deep for a children’s book 😃
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It’s my favourite one after “Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls”. I loved it so much I bought it for my inner little girl, who didn’t know how to process sadness, now she does 🙌🏼
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Highly recommend getting this book, it’s never too early to teach about emotions to your children or too late for your inner child 🙏🏼
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I love you 💛

👩🏽 HEALING THE PARENT WOUND 👨🏽

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This is can hold the key to your freedom, being yourself authentically. Family is not an area people want to work on until they realise it effects all areas of their life from relationships to business.

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Most of our fears and insecurities come from our perception of our interaction with our parents. Everyone had something in their childhood. Even the person who had the most beautiful childhood has pain somewhere whether they share it or not.
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Maybe your parents never saw you and understood you. Maybe they physically abused you leaving you feeling worthless. Or maybe they put too much pressure on you that you felt you had to be perfect to receive their love.
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Your mum and dad will never be who you want them to be. There will always be something you wish they did or didn’t do. The truth is you can’t change the past but you can see the lessons and forgive them.
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So how do you forgive?
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You see that forgiveness is for your freedom, not for them. When you forgive, you’re not making them right. You’re choosing to let go of the weight, resentment and move on. You’re choosing your future over your past.
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There is such a truthful quote I found the other day by Anne Lamott, “Expectations are resentments under constructions.”
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When you expect your mum or dad to do something, you lost sight of who they truly are. You might say, “Yeah but they’re meant to be my parents!”. They are, but they’re humans on their journey as well and no one is perfect.
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Letting go of the story requires you stepping into your authority and leadership which can feel scary. Because who would you be without your story? It’s what the little girl/boy in you have known all those years.
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This is a process of growing up and parenting yourself, coming closer to yourself every step along the way.
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Your parents are your mirrors. They show you parts you don’t love and accept about yourself. The more you love them, the more you love yourself ✨
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If you’d like support in forgiving, loving your parents, and healing childhood traumas, I offer coaching sessions around this. I deeply care about you all and I want you to move forward with ease, freedom and love this year 😍
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If you’re interested, message me ❤️
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I love you 🌹
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(Image is me with my mum and dad, love them so much 😍)
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I came to Istanbul for a few days 😍

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Mum and I went to this movie called Sampiyon, it’s a true story of a horse racer who won so many races with this horse called Bold Pilot to the point where he was called a magician.

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It’s such a beautiful story. The horse racer falls in love with his trainer’s daughter and races with the love he has for her. She later on has cancer and fights for her life from seeing them shining, winning so many races.
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I never knew this horse and this story. Before every race, the horse would get all agitated. The audience would become quiet so the horse can calm down and go into the starting box to begin 😊
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This sentence from the movie went right into my heart ❤️ “Being a champion means is to keep running knowing that you might fail.” No matter what happens, keep going, fight for people and things you love ✨
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Love you 😍
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This is our best family photo so far 😂

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Dad, mum and I were having dinner last night and mum asked me what I appreciated them doing while I was growing up. There are many of them but here’s the one that came to me ❤️

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I remember when we went out for food, mum would ask me to ask for the bill. So as a 6-7 year old, I would do that. Or if I wanted chocolate or something, mum would give me money and I would go off to buy it rather than her buying for me. I didn’t enjoy it at the time but now I’m really grateful for it.
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Once in France, right after just having learnt how to write, dad would write down how to ask for newspapers in French which he wrote in a readable Turkish way so that I could go off to buy newspapers from this French woman. I remember after giving me the newspapers, she would tell stuff and I’d just stare at her face. Little did she know, that was the whole of my French vocabulary back then 😃
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So thank you mum and dad for encouraging me to do things I was shit scared to do. I now continue to do that voluntarily like a crazy person 🙏🏼
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Swipe right for more decent photos 😃❤️
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Have a gorgeous Friday night! 💛
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✏️🔨 THE MAGIC TABLE 🔨✏️

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I’ve been selling and giving away loads of stuff as I moved recently.

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I sold this table to a guy today. He came around to pick it up and said, “It’s going to be perfect for the kids.”
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“Is it for kids?” I asked.
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He said, “Yes, I teach kids how to do woodwork stuff in a community centre in Highgate, for kids who have ADHD, autism and so on.”
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I was like 😍😍😍😍😍
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I asked him, “Do you do it with dads and sons as well?”
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“Oh yeah, lots of dads and sons come in”
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So he’s taking this table to them so they can do it as well. I can tell that that’s literally his gift and he’s offering it to the world with such love, genuineness and kindness.
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He said there was a woman asked him once if he had a ‘normal’ class for kids who don’t have ADHD, autism etc.
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He told me he told her, “I don’t seperate them. I put all of them in the same class.”
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I just stared at him in awe and said, “Oh my god, that’s so lovely.”
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It makes me so happy when I meet such kind and loving people. This is what the world needs more of. There are so many kind men out there and it warms my heart when I see them spreading their love, making the world shine a bit more ✨
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This got me super emotional and so grateful today for life for bringing such beautiful people to me sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for years 💗
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If you want to go to his woodwork classes open to children, adults, and together, his details are:
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Ricky
07506 504 220
woodthatworks@hotmail.com
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May you receive kindness and love as much as you spread them and so much more ✨
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Sending you so much love 💛
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🎉 HOLIDAY TIME & FAMILY TRIGGERS 🎉

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Merry Christmas and happy holidays! 

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Whether Christmas is a happy, joyful place for you, whether you really don't care about it or whether its not as easy for you as it is for some people, Merry Christmas and happy holidays! Honour however you're feeling. You don't have to be feeling happy this time just because everyone is. I see and feel you.
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I'm with Aaron's family today and tomorrow eating food and being together. Then we're going to Turkey on Thursday for the new year's eve. Everything you do for Christmas, gifts, tree, family time is done on the new year's eve there. So I'm having a double Christmas this year 😃
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If you're choosing to spend this time with your family, you might have old wounds surfacing, or thing you thought you dealt with. If you have doubt that you haven't progressed, see your growth as a spiral, not a line. You feel like you arrived at the same place but on a deeper level and awareness you have today.
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Follow these steps to let go of a trigger you have being around someone in your family:
- Notice and name how you're feeling
- What is that feeling telling you to do or not do?
- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.
- Have the 4 year old you in front of you, ask them to show a scene that made you feel the same way.
- Let the scene unfold and now see it unfold in a way that it makes the 4 year old you safe.
- Now imagine yourself rising above the situation, seeing it from a higher perspective.
- Ask, 'What's the truth?' Or 'What would I love in this moment?'
- What's that telling you to do or not do?
- Follow through on that.
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I wish you a gorgeous Christmas and a wonderful time whereever you are. And happy birthday if you're born around this time of the year as well 😃 See it as everyone's celebrating your new age with you 😍🎉
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Loads of love to you! ❤️
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👦🏽 TRIGGERS IN FAMILY: COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR CHILDREN 👧🏽

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This post came out from what I observe around me for years, my experience and what I saw when few parents told me their issues they're having with their children.

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I'm not a parent but I have pretty sick observing skills and awareness, so bare with me 😃
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If you're a parent, you're going to have conflict with your children at some point, it's inevitable.
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You will not agree with your child, at times they will annoy you. They will mirror you aspects of yourself which you haven't seen or resolved from the past..
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It's a blessing and a burden at the same time. It's totally up to you to decide how to perceive it. You can see it as an opportunity for growth or an obstacle.
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Infinite amount of love can turn into infinite amount of annoyance if you choose the second 😂 Then followed by guilt because how can you be so angry at someone you love so much, your own daughter or son..
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In those moments, listening to your children is the key. When I say listen, I'm not talking about staying silent while you have a storm going on inside you. Your child will feel that and close themselves off.
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What I mean is being fully present with them, parking everything at the side for a while and giving them all your attention to really hear them out.
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Next time your daughter or son is disagreeing with you, try these out:
- Take a deep breath.
- Notice how you feel.
- Name how you feel (in your mind).
- Imagine you have your own bubble of energy around you. Imagine they have one too.
- Imagine you enter their energy field.
- Now listen. Give all your attention to them. Leave your phone, stop looking at tv, fully focus on them.
- Ask questions to clarify, to fully understand. You can say things like, 'From what I heard, it sounds like you .... Is that right?'
- Then hear them out.
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Open communication and true listening are two things you need, not just in your relationship with your children but in all relationships..
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Here's another example:
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Let's say you have a 16 year old who doesn't give you much info about their day at school and gets angry all the time.
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When they come home, you ask them how their day went and you get a simple 'fine'.
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Don't ask yes or no questions. Then you're asking and guiding them to give the answer you want to hear. Ask them what they're up to these days for example and allow them to lead the conversation. Be curious and if they sense your curiosity, they'll open up.
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It's ok if it doesn't work at the first go. Some may test you when they see a change, to see if the change is real lol. So they'll push you at times. Be patient and know that you're doing your best.
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You're doing the best you can with where you are right now. And it's ok to make mistakes as you're a human too, no one's perfect.
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Much love to you all lovely parents 💞
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You're doing the most important job on the planet 😍
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THE ONE THING

"What would be the one thing you couldn't live without doing?" ✨

I got asked this question recently and realised I'm doing that one thing all the time, helping & coaching people basically.

So I looked after children part time and I loved being around their playful energy. They're so much in the present moment!

I wanna write about 2 things happened with them which I didn't even realised I was doing it.

With one of the girls, we were playing parrot. Basically she was repeating what I was saying. We started off with 'hello, how are you' etc. Then I started saying 'you're beautiful, you're smart, you're loveable' she would repeat obviously starting with 'you.. You..' Then I thought, ok let's turn this game into a mini affirmation game. I started phrasing them as 'I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm loveable' then she'd repeat that. I could see how her face was changing as saying these. 

She actually came up to me few times to play that game and another girl asked me to play it too..

There's another game I play where I find out what children's love languages are. 

Love languages are 5 ways we feel loved (physical touch - words of affirmation - quality time - gifts - service). Somebody might fix your lamp for you to show their love but all you wanted was a hug.. For that person offering something might have the same effect. Its an any kind of relationship saver, look it up! Mine is in this order if you ever wanna make me feel loved btw😉

I'd ask the kids 'do you feel more loved when mummy buys you an ice cream or tells you she loves you?' or 'do you feel more loved when she hugs you or plays with you?'. So that I know what to do to make them feel loved and its super fun!

So I asked a kid 'what's your favourite thing in the world?' Its a great question btw to ask kids if you don't wanna ask adult questions like how was your day😄  He said 'my mum'. The convo went like this:

- Does your mum play with you?

- Yes

- Does your mum buy you gifts?

- Yes

- Does your mum tells you she loves you?

- No.

I felt the sadness and feeling of unloved in his voice. So I went:

- But she plays with you and buys you gifts right?

- Yes.

Obviously mum's love language was service and gifts whereas this kid's was words of affirmation and physical touch (kept hugging me).

- Ok, next time she buys you something or plays with you remember this is the way she shows her love. She might not say it but she tells her love by playing with you or buying gifts for you, ok?

He was looking at the floor the whole time we were speaking. First time ever he looked up and nodded smiling. I wasn't sure the whole time if he was getting all this, i mean he's 6-7, but I just knew he got it, when he looked at me. I was like 'YES!'. Nailed it! You know😄

My point is, your one thing is something that you're doing all the time knowingly or unknowingly.

If you're a dancer, you'll just dance nearly the whole time you're awake, on tube, in the kitchen..

If you're a writer or a poem, in every occasion to write, even for a christmas card, you'd throw out some magic in your writing.

If you're a helper, you'd help in every occasion without thinking.

Whatever you're doing that's natural for you to do no matter what your job is, is your gift.

Keep sharing it! The world needs more people like you just being themselves..

Love and magic 💜✨

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