surrender

✨ MAGIC OF THE DAY ✨

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I was on the bus the other day going to a breathwork client. Usually, I read a book or listen to music on the front seat top deck looking around.

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All of a sudden, the bus changed it’s route and went on diversion. I panicked a bit as I could be late for the session.
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I was juggling in between leaving the bus to walk or to wait until the bus joins its original route.
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I could feel anxiety and control creeping in. Then a voice went, “Wait and see.” It’s the same voice that tells me the same thing when I get impatient and I ask my intuition what will happen.
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Then the bus took a different path and I ended up arriving at the stop I needed to go, just on time 🤗
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Every time you try to control, you are killing the flow. You’re closing the door to a beautiful opportunity that might happen in the moment. You’re believing you know better. You have no idea.
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What if you trusted you’re on this bus that will take you where you need to go? Even if it went into diversion, what if it took you to where you exactly needed to go?
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So here’s your reminder to surrender and let go and let the magic connect you with your joy, wonder and curiosity ✨
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I love you 💛

Last week, I had two intense grief waves

One morning, I woke up feeling sluggish and uninspired. After doing my morning workout and breakfast, I sat with the feeling and asked what it was about.

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It was some sadness that wanted to be felt. So I put on my grief playlist, layed on my bed and cried for around half an hour and fall asleep for like 10 minutes after that. I woke up feeling rejuvinated and energised. Then I carried on with my day.
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I had another one of these 2 days later. Again, I stopped everything I was doing and just allowed myself to feel. I took this photo on the same day to show you how quickly grief can move through you if you allow it.
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Grief is a tricky emotion. It’s very unpredictable, you never know it will hit you and leave you like the weather here in London these days 😂 You might feel “I thought I’ve dealt with this”, but accepting that it’s here again and feeling it fully is the way out ✨
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Give yourself space and time to just FEEL. Put a 30 minutes timer on, leave everything and feel. 30 minutes spent feeling your emotions will save you hours of feeling either numb or very low. There’s a reason behind you feeling low.
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It might be hell for few minutes but in the end, you will feel lighter, connected, more alive and open. In the depth of your sadness, you will find your joy 💛 And your body will thank you for it later.
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If you’re going through challenging emotions, know that you’re not alone, you’re so brave to feel them 🙏🏼 Message me if you want that grief playlist ✨
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I love you ❤️
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✨ I ALLOW ✨

Last week was one of those weeks that felt like a whole month happened in a week 😃

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✨ Celebrating You, 7 week online course I facilitate, started! We had our first call with incredible women I feel honoured to know.
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✨ My mum came to visit and joined the breathwork journey we held! She stayed for few days and we created a deeper sense of love and appreciation for each other 🙏🏼
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✨ 2 women reached out to me wanting to work with me.
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✨ Yesterday I held a Goddess Circle, workshop for women, an evening of letting go and reconnecting with yourself. I filmed this afterwards 💃🏽
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All this happened while I was ON MY PERIOD 🔴
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My life tends to thrive and opportunities seem to come to me while I’m on my period 😃 as I’m more receptive and allowing more. I basically don’t have as much energy to drive forward or even resist. It showed me I don’t have to be on my period to allow. I can receive and allow other times, reminding myself by saying, “I allow.”
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When everything is flowing, I notice my Ego sneaking in with doubt trying to gain control, telling me:
- This is too good to be true
- Remember last time you were in flow, it all went downhill from there
- You can’t manage all this
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Then I close my eyes and come back to my heart where I know I can have it all, so can you ❤️
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Love you 💛
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🔥 TAKE ACTION & ALLOW 💫

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Taking action and allowing are two essential parts of creating.

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🔥 You might feel you need to be pushing, taking actions and hustling forward constantly. This is partly true. You do need to take action when necessary. The problem is when you don’t trust the universe that it will bring you what you desire, your Ego might want to push even further to overcompensate your disbelief that you can create what you want.

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💫 The second part is when you’re in a more receiving energy, when you’re allowing. Imagine someone gave you a compliment, allowing is the part where you say “thank you” and let it sink in. It’s the part of you that receives help so imagine an outward energy is coming inwards. You’re allowing.

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So how do you allow?

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You take the action that is true to take. Then you stop. You absolutely stop, stop even focusing on it. Leave it alone. Do something else you love. See your friends, go for a walk in nature, write etc. Let go of the need to know and control and allow your energy and the universe do its magic. This will give space for it to flourish and grow. 

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When you do cook paella, you leave the rice alone to cook, rather than stirring or poking it. Or when the photos from your phone are uploading to your laptop, rather than staring at it getting agitated, you leave it and go check the paella 😃🍚 Same thing.

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I came down to Brighton yesterday to see my friend Duke after not seeing him for around a year. I remember thinking, “Are you crazy? You have a week left for the online course, you need to work on it, so much to do etc.” But it felt true and so good to go down there. I really missed him. And we also said we would work together so my Ego loved that 😃

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Turns out we both needed to chill out and have some fun. So we didn’t do any work, walked alongside the beach, played arcade games, walked around Brighton, played wii, watched a movie, ate pasta and talked for ages. It left me feeling so grateful and appreciative to have him as a close friend, for all the adventures we shared and overall feeling so grateful for my life 💛

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When I checked my phone in the end of yesterday, I saw 5 opportunities that came to me while I enjoyed myself and did what I love. And since coming back to London today, things kept flowing 💫 

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So when that happens, my instant reaction is, “Yeah but I didn’t do anything. It just happened.” Or it’s just luck. Well, it’s not. It’s my Ego trying to trick me because I didn’t actively do anything, this makes it less legit. 

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So not true. I was receiving and allowing which is AS important as taking action. David Hawkins says, feminine energy doesn’t get as much reputation as masculine energy 😃

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Take action from the masculine. Do the work obviously. Then allow your feminine and the universe to bring you what you want to create. They always do 😉 And when they do, acknowledge yourself because you created that 💫

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I do 1-1 sessions around this lovelies, how to create in your flow. Message me if you’re interested ✨

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Have an awesome rest of the day! 

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Love you 💙

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A reminder for today 😍

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For the times when you think:

- I should be further along right now

- I should be married and have kids by now
- I should have accomplished more by now
- I should know what I meant to be doing by now
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Getting somewhere is not the ultimate success. It’s also about your enjoyment, your learnings and who you become while you’re on the journey. There is no comparison and who decides these shoulds anyway? Whoever it is, you can make a new decision that actually serves you and inspires you ✨
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Even if you don’t get there, you have lessons from it. You are growing either way 😍 What are the lessons you learnt from your unexpected detours?
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On another note, we have few spaces left for the breathwork journey tonight.
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Come join us if you need a good release this post full moon 🌑
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You can book your space through the link below ✨
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https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4053846
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Centre 151, Haggerston
6:30-9:30pm
£25
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Wishing you a wonderful day 💛
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Art by @chibirdart

👩🏽 HEALING THE PARENT WOUND 👨🏽

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This is can hold the key to your freedom, being yourself authentically. Family is not an area people want to work on until they realise it effects all areas of their life from relationships to business.

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Most of our fears and insecurities come from our perception of our interaction with our parents. Everyone had something in their childhood. Even the person who had the most beautiful childhood has pain somewhere whether they share it or not.
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Maybe your parents never saw you and understood you. Maybe they physically abused you leaving you feeling worthless. Or maybe they put too much pressure on you that you felt you had to be perfect to receive their love.
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Your mum and dad will never be who you want them to be. There will always be something you wish they did or didn’t do. The truth is you can’t change the past but you can see the lessons and forgive them.
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So how do you forgive?
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You see that forgiveness is for your freedom, not for them. When you forgive, you’re not making them right. You’re choosing to let go of the weight, resentment and move on. You’re choosing your future over your past.
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There is such a truthful quote I found the other day by Anne Lamott, “Expectations are resentments under constructions.”
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When you expect your mum or dad to do something, you lost sight of who they truly are. You might say, “Yeah but they’re meant to be my parents!”. They are, but they’re humans on their journey as well and no one is perfect.
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Letting go of the story requires you stepping into your authority and leadership which can feel scary. Because who would you be without your story? It’s what the little girl/boy in you have known all those years.
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This is a process of growing up and parenting yourself, coming closer to yourself every step along the way.
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Your parents are your mirrors. They show you parts you don’t love and accept about yourself. The more you love them, the more you love yourself ✨
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If you’d like support in forgiving, loving your parents, and healing childhood traumas, I offer coaching sessions around this. I deeply care about you all and I want you to move forward with ease, freedom and love this year 😍
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If you’re interested, message me ❤️
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I love you 🌹
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(Image is me with my mum and dad, love them so much 😍)
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❤️ YOUR HEART vs YOUR MIND ❤️

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This post is for you if you’re independent, don’t like being vulnerable and struggle to let your guards down 🙏🏼

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I know exactly how you feel, because this is my default. I had to geniunely face myself and my fears to be vulnerable, open my heart and create intimacy in all my relationships not just the romantic ones. 

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You might let people in but only to an extent that you know you’re in control. If you’re aware of this, it shows that you owned that part of you. This is great because not everyone who controls want to admit that that’s what they do 😃 It’s also the first step to change it, to accept it.

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As a young girl or boy, maybe you decided it wasn’t safe to let people in. If you did, people hurt you, judged you, didn’t love you back or abandoned you. So you decided it’s so much better to keep people at a safe distance, be self-sufficient to the point you don’t need people to be close to you.

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This strategy might have served you at the time as a little girl or boy, but it might not be serving you anymore as a grown adult.

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So this conversation happens:

You: Ok guys, I want to start letting people in now 🤩

Your heart: Dude thank God, I’ve been waiting for this moment! 💖

Your mind: Yeah right. Here’s a spreadsheet of what happened when you wanted to let someone in for in the last 10 years. Enjoy 📊

😃

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So there’s a conflict between your mind and your heart. Your mind is trying to keep you safe by keeping you do what you did in the past, while your heart knows what’s possible. It is longing for the openness, transparency and intimacy. 

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Here’s what you can do to start choosing your heart over your mind:

- Notice what your mind is telling you. (Need to control, fear of abandonment, being found out there’s something wrong about you etc)

- Notice what control, fear etc is telling you to do. Every emotion comes with an action.

- Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now imagine you’re breathing into your heart. You’re connecting with your heart. You don’t have to feel euphoric doing this. Just know that you’re in your heart space now.

- Ask you heart, “What would you love to do?” 

- Follow that heart ❤️

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See the two option clearly. 

One is fear based, one is love based. 

One is in the known, there’s no magic there.

One is the unknown, there’s shit loads of magic there. 

You decide ✨

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Have a mini notebook (or phone’s notes section) where you write down something magical happened synchronistically when you followed your heart. When your mind is winning, you can open this notebook and show your mind some solid proof. Talk in your mind’s language to calm it down - facts 😉 

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Plus your controlling side is going to love this new thing you can document and control 😂

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I find that this is number one struggle of women around intimacy - surrender ✨ 

It’s what we fear but what we most desire. I work with women around this in 1-1 coaching and breathwork sessions in how to surrender, not just to men but to life, living your truth in magic. Message me if you’re interested 😘

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Love you ❤️

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✨ MAGIC OF THE DAY ✨

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I was sitting at this cafe the other day, doing my morning pages that slightly turned into afternoon pages. They’re 3 pages of journaling of whatever comes to your mind, like a brain dump. Julia Cameron created them.

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Then a lovely woman approached me asking me what I was writing about so intensely 😃 I told her, turns out she does the morning pages too! We started chatting, she asked me what I listen to when I write, I showed her this playlist:
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https://open.spotify.com/…/spotify/…/37i9dQZF1DX3Ogo9pFvBkY…
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Yesterday we met up for a coffee at the same cafe, she’s beautiful and we had a lot to talk about from writing, creativity to self discovery ❤️
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If you want to go up and talk to a stranger, do it. You never know where it might lead you ☺️
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Have a beautiful afternoon 💛
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💫 SURRENDER TO YOUR EMOTIONS 💫

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I’m learning the balance of allowing myself to feel sadness, grief and loss while creating and doing my work. I have no control over this at the moment. The more I surrender to my emotions, the more they transform and I’m able to create from that space. 

Life comes with it’s highs and lows. People mostly share about the highs which I find is easy to share. I don’t see many people sharing about lows openly and honestly until I meet up with them and they tell me that’s exactly how they felt 😃 Maybe it’s because of not wanting to go there again or maybe the desire to be vulnerable to a controlled extent where they still get to keep their appearances. 

The lows are where you become who you are. They’re the your stones that turn into diamonds. They’re the richness of life, raw, real and vulnerable.

The most loving and compassionate people I met are the ones who went through hell, who faced their darkness, their lows and went out from the other side, transformed. You don’t become a beautiful person by only experiencing happiness, joy, bliss etc. You can’t have depth with only experiencing these emotions. If you only allow yourself to feel those ones, you’re living your life in denial, removed from life itself. You’re not living fully.

What doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger. It can make you a closed hearted, resentful, fearful and angry person towards life as well. But when you accept what’s happening and surrender, you grow from it. The more you resist it, the more it’s going to carry on.

Especially if you menstruate and bleed regularly, before and during period is a time where all your stuff comes up. If you look closely, that period pain is telling you something. That feeling of loneliness, sadness etc is there to be felt fully. Allow it before you jump to wanting to fix it. Painkillers are not the answer.

Over the years, especially when I was small, I learnt to be joyful and interested to make friends. And I got good at it. I can make friends with anyone. I love that side of me which is being a social butterfly. It makes me feel alive and connected. 

I also have a super depressed side to me that just doesn’t want anything to do with life. It wants to hide in a room, curl up into a ball and not exist for a while. In that egoic pattern, I can’t even cry. I don’t feel, I’m completely numb and apathetic.

Now I’m learning to accept that side, talk to it, write about it, love it and transform it. Every emotion moves through you when you allow it ❤️

Acceptance is the key. If you’re not accepting as life shows you things, you can’t move forward. You’re stuck. Accept that your loved one passed away, accept that you’ve been cheated on, accept that your friend stabbed you in the back. For your own freedom, see the situation for what it is without putting a meaning to it.

I saw a beautiful friend of mine last week. After catching up, she told me I felt more loving, grounded and accepting. See in my head, everything is turning upside down and I’m loosing my shit. If you feel like that, have an honest reflection from a close friend and don’t beat yourself up. You might be doing so much better than you think you are 😉

Here’s how you can process emotions like sadness, loss, grief:

- Accept that you feel sad. Even this can be revolutionary if you usually deny your sadness. It doesn’t mean anything, it just mean that you feel sad. You’re a human with emotions.

- Close your eyes. Take 5 deep breaths into your belly while allowing the feeling to be there. 

- If you feel teary, let those tears come. If you feel rage, let the rage be there.

- Out loud, say how you feel, to the person you’re angry at, or to yourself while feeling sad. Say anything else that wants to come out.

- Hold and hug yourself.

- (If you find it challenging to get into the feeling, start writing how you feel and let the feeling talk without censoring.)

And remember, after a low, there’s always a high. Crying is not weak, it’s powerful. It’s a gift for yourself from yourself in form of a beautiful release. After big good cries I always feel lifted, calm, grounded and happy. I feel joy starting to come in again in mini waves. 

If you have a job and have things to do, allow yourself that 30 min to feel, to not do anything but to be with your pain like you would do for a friend. Whenever I go inwards, cry, write, someone books their place in my workshop or wants to have a session with me. Always. It happened today as I wrote this post.

Any unprocessed emotions will stay in your body until you feel it fully. It’s the fear of feeling we’re scared of. Once you’re in it, it’s not actually that bad. But the disconnection you have from feeling reveals itself as chronic pain, a disease, numbness. It can even effect your face. For example the left side of your face can change becoming heavier.

I went to 5rhythms movement class the other day. One of the dancers just got qualified in teaching, so the teacher invited her into the huge circle of maybe 70 people. She went in with pure joy, ecstasy, celebrating herself and her success. Then she invited everyone else to join in. Few people joined in. Everyone else was clapping in the outside circle. I watched them, I watched the people in the middle dancing, smiling and laughing. That’s when it hit me:

✨ In life, you have to participate ✨

Whatever it is, wherever you are, however you’re feeling, bring that into your life. Don’t exclude your sadness, your insecurities, include them. Show them to people, love them. 

If you want to feel your emotions fully and transform any heaviness, shame, frustration, sadness, come to breathwork next Thursday, the 15th. Bring all of you to the table. Even the parts you don’t accept or love about you as they will hunt you back until you learn to love them ❤️

Make sure to book your ticket if you want to join, we’re half full now. Here’s the link to book:

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3745467

Happy new moon, a new beginning 🌕 

Sending you so much love and big hugs 💛

🙏🏼 I GAVE A TALK THE OTHER DAY 🙏🏼

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I talked about surrendering to love at LOVEx Talks Sex and Relationships on Tuesday 😍

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Standing up and talking vulnerably and openly infront of 50 people felt like the scariest thing I’ve done in a long time. I’ve been avoiding talking and it was about time.
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I want to tell how this came about as it was a great lesson for me.
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Some of you read my ‘I want to surrender’, the post about lovemaking. Here it is if you haven’t :
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https://www.facebook.com/isik.tlabar/posts/10160031020585300
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3 weeks ago, the organizer of LOVEx Talks Scott, read it and reached out to me saying he loved the way i wrote it, geniune, open and beautiful and would love me to speak at the event.
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So I said yes, I’d love to 😍
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I gave a Goddess Circle workshop the day before so I was focusing on that up until then. When the day came, I was pretty nervous, my thoughts were going in loops and I was forgetting to eat.
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Anyway, the day went by, arrived at the venue, went up there, feeling super nervous. I talked about letting go of the need to control, being vulnerable, surrender in relationships and also in lovemaking.
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It’s easy to sit and watch speakers and judge them but it’s a whole another reality when you go up there yourself. It’s pretty surreal, I can’t even remember what I said. Later on, I found out as I was speaking, a guy outside on the street was playing Imagine by John Lennon. It made me teary, that song literally is the world I want to live in.
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One of the many things that touched me afterwards was that 2 Turkish women came up to me saying, its inspiring to see someone from the same sexually repressed background putting herself out there sharing about these topics. They thanked me, I felt so grateful 😍 (I am Turkish, I grew up in Istanbul then moved to UK when I was 18.)
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A part of me always believed I have to go to networking events, do webinars etc, do all these things to be visible. But actually, I just have to write.
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Writing is my medicine, its how I realise, let go, forgive, feel, grieve, integrate, complete and move on. The bonus side of it is when I share, I find that so many people resonate with them. So when I just write and share, all these magical things come to me as a confirmation of what I’m doing is true. An opportunity to speak, to write in a magazine as a monthly columnist and to collaborate to run a women’s retreat ❤️ (Will share more on the last one soon 😉)
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It took me few days to digest, integrate what happened but I feel like now I adjusted to this new energy. Ready for the next level 😍
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This showed me, once again, always do what’s true and the rest will take care of itself ✨
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Sending you love 💛
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