control

❤️ YOUR HEART vs YOUR MIND ❤️

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This post is for you if you’re independent, don’t like being vulnerable and struggle to let your guards down 🙏🏼

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I know exactly how you feel, because this is my default. I had to geniunely face myself and my fears to be vulnerable, open my heart and create intimacy in all my relationships not just the romantic ones. 

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You might let people in but only to an extent that you know you’re in control. If you’re aware of this, it shows that you owned that part of you. This is great because not everyone who controls want to admit that that’s what they do 😃 It’s also the first step to change it, to accept it.

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As a young girl or boy, maybe you decided it wasn’t safe to let people in. If you did, people hurt you, judged you, didn’t love you back or abandoned you. So you decided it’s so much better to keep people at a safe distance, be self-sufficient to the point you don’t need people to be close to you.

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This strategy might have served you at the time as a little girl or boy, but it might not be serving you anymore as a grown adult.

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So this conversation happens:

You: Ok guys, I want to start letting people in now 🤩

Your heart: Dude thank God, I’ve been waiting for this moment! 💖

Your mind: Yeah right. Here’s a spreadsheet of what happened when you wanted to let someone in for in the last 10 years. Enjoy 📊

😃

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So there’s a conflict between your mind and your heart. Your mind is trying to keep you safe by keeping you do what you did in the past, while your heart knows what’s possible. It is longing for the openness, transparency and intimacy. 

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Here’s what you can do to start choosing your heart over your mind:

- Notice what your mind is telling you. (Need to control, fear of abandonment, being found out there’s something wrong about you etc)

- Notice what control, fear etc is telling you to do. Every emotion comes with an action.

- Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now imagine you’re breathing into your heart. You’re connecting with your heart. You don’t have to feel euphoric doing this. Just know that you’re in your heart space now.

- Ask you heart, “What would you love to do?” 

- Follow that heart ❤️

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See the two option clearly. 

One is fear based, one is love based. 

One is in the known, there’s no magic there.

One is the unknown, there’s shit loads of magic there. 

You decide ✨

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Have a mini notebook (or phone’s notes section) where you write down something magical happened synchronistically when you followed your heart. When your mind is winning, you can open this notebook and show your mind some solid proof. Talk in your mind’s language to calm it down - facts 😉 

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Plus your controlling side is going to love this new thing you can document and control 😂

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I find that this is number one struggle of women around intimacy - surrender ✨ 

It’s what we fear but what we most desire. I work with women around this in 1-1 coaching and breathwork sessions in how to surrender, not just to men but to life, living your truth in magic. Message me if you’re interested 😘

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Love you ❤️

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💛 CONTROL IN RELATIONSHIPS 💛

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When there's control in a relationship, there's no connection, only seperation. 

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The need to control can have many reasons. Maybe you weren't allowed to be yourself as a child. Maybe your boundaries were violated. Maybe you decided you had to control the other person before they control you..

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When you try to control in a relationship, you see yourself seperate from the other person. You see them the enemy rather than your partner. You try to mold them into who you think they should be and what they should do.

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Then the other person gets angry, upset or might even leave because you're not allowing that person to be truly who they are.. 

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You might go into this super independant mode of doing everything on your own, because the other person might slow you down, because they're different, because they're not like you and they won't get you.. So it's better off to do it on your own.

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But the truth is, you're in this together. Once you work with your differences rather than against your differences, things become much easier. Once you let go and surrender, there is more love, intimacy and joy.

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Here's how you can move from control to surrender:

- Notice your immediate reaction of wanting to control when it comes up. Just become aware of it.

- Notice what behaviour the need to control pushing you to do.

- See what might happen if you do that

- Imagining you're empty and free from anything, feel the love you have for this person.

- Then ask, 'What's my next step to come back to this love?'

- Do that 😉

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It's actually just a choice in the end of the day. It is choosing either love or seperation. 

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Try this out and see how it goes for yourself. Would love to hear the outcome 🙏🏼

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In which situations do you find yourself wanting to control? Comment below if you feel drawn to it ☺️💙

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Much love to you! 💛

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