fear

❤️ YOUR HEART vs YOUR MIND ❤️

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This post is for you if you’re independent, don’t like being vulnerable and struggle to let your guards down 🙏🏼

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I know exactly how you feel, because this is my default. I had to geniunely face myself and my fears to be vulnerable, open my heart and create intimacy in all my relationships not just the romantic ones. 

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You might let people in but only to an extent that you know you’re in control. If you’re aware of this, it shows that you owned that part of you. This is great because not everyone who controls want to admit that that’s what they do 😃 It’s also the first step to change it, to accept it.

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As a young girl or boy, maybe you decided it wasn’t safe to let people in. If you did, people hurt you, judged you, didn’t love you back or abandoned you. So you decided it’s so much better to keep people at a safe distance, be self-sufficient to the point you don’t need people to be close to you.

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This strategy might have served you at the time as a little girl or boy, but it might not be serving you anymore as a grown adult.

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So this conversation happens:

You: Ok guys, I want to start letting people in now 🤩

Your heart: Dude thank God, I’ve been waiting for this moment! 💖

Your mind: Yeah right. Here’s a spreadsheet of what happened when you wanted to let someone in for in the last 10 years. Enjoy 📊

😃

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So there’s a conflict between your mind and your heart. Your mind is trying to keep you safe by keeping you do what you did in the past, while your heart knows what’s possible. It is longing for the openness, transparency and intimacy. 

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Here’s what you can do to start choosing your heart over your mind:

- Notice what your mind is telling you. (Need to control, fear of abandonment, being found out there’s something wrong about you etc)

- Notice what control, fear etc is telling you to do. Every emotion comes with an action.

- Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now imagine you’re breathing into your heart. You’re connecting with your heart. You don’t have to feel euphoric doing this. Just know that you’re in your heart space now.

- Ask you heart, “What would you love to do?” 

- Follow that heart ❤️

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See the two option clearly. 

One is fear based, one is love based. 

One is in the known, there’s no magic there.

One is the unknown, there’s shit loads of magic there. 

You decide ✨

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Have a mini notebook (or phone’s notes section) where you write down something magical happened synchronistically when you followed your heart. When your mind is winning, you can open this notebook and show your mind some solid proof. Talk in your mind’s language to calm it down - facts 😉 

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Plus your controlling side is going to love this new thing you can document and control 😂

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I find that this is number one struggle of women around intimacy - surrender ✨ 

It’s what we fear but what we most desire. I work with women around this in 1-1 coaching and breathwork sessions in how to surrender, not just to men but to life, living your truth in magic. Message me if you’re interested 😘

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Love you ❤️

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😱 EMOTIONS: FEAR 😱

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I've been reading "Maps to Ecstasy" by Gabrielle Roth, the creator of 5rhythms. She talks about 5 emotions that move into one another as you allow yourself to feel.

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Over the next few days, I'll write about these emotions: Fear, anger, sadness, joy, compassion 💛

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So fear 🙈

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Fear can be paralysing. Your breathing becomes shallow. You stand there for ages, overthinking stuff because of fear 😃

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You might feel frustrated when fear takes over you. You might feel like you don't know what to do, other people know. So you ask other people what to do. The ones that look like they never get scared 😉

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You can loose sight in where you want to go. You might feel unsafe, alone and in danger. It can feel stressful. And it becomes a matter of surviving, you aim for the bare minimum to make sure you're safe.

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But in truth, fear can be healthy. It's useful to be scared when you're crossing the road and a car is driving towards you, you're able to protect yourself, act quick thanks to that.

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It's also a good sign. It shows that you're growing, you're evolving. Doing things you've never done before 😉💙

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You can see fear like a nosy obsessed perfectionist. It wants to assess every single situation even when you don't need them to do that. And they like to go everywhere. Makes you imagine every single thing that can go wrong even if none of them ever happened to you before.

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So how do you get out of that fearful state?

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You acknowledge what its trying to do. And you make a choice in where to direct your focus to.

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Next time you're scared of something, you feel paralysed, follow these steps:

- Close your eyes.

- Breathe into your body.

- Feel that fear. Stay with it.

- Ask, what is it telling you to do?

- Imagine you're lifting yourself out from that fear, floating above it. See a huge golden ball of light washing all over your body from your head to toes.

- Imagine the situation unfolding exactly how you want it to unfold.

- Ask, if you could describe that feeling in one word, what would that be?

- Say its freedom, love. Hold that at the forefront of your mind.

- When you're in that situation remember that, tell that to yourself.

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When you see what fear is trying to do, it doesn't have power or control over you. You get to choose. Fear can still be there. You don't have to try to eliminate fear completely until you take action. You can still feel it but act from the truth, from freedom, or whatever it is.

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You don't have to do or be anything, you can just be yourself. Other person doesn't have to like you for you to have what you want. You can just ask and have it.

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What are the ways you found that help you not buying into fear? Would love to hear ✨

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Love you 💜

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💛 BOUNDARIES: SAYING NO 💛

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What are boundaries? 

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They are choices you make about what you feel ok and not ok with.
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These can feel like non existent for you. You might feel like you never explored boundaries. In some cultures, it can even be considered disrespectful to have boundaries, to say no, but they're actually super healthy agreements you have with people to respect and love one another.
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You might have had an experience where you said yes when really you wanted to say no. Maybe you felt guilty about saying no, maybe you felt that's what you should say to get love.
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Each time you say yes but you actually want to say no, you're abandoning your body. You start loosing trust in yourself and in your own intuition.
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You don't have to take on people's fear and worries when they are accusing you, so that the conflict will be over. You can say no.
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You don't have to have sex when you don't feel like it, so that the argument will be over and you can go to bed. You can say no.
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You don't have to drink at the bar when you don't want, so that everyone else who is drinking won't judge you. You can say no.
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The problem is the guilt that comes up, when you say no. Stay with the guilt, feel it. Then ask what you need and prioritise your needs before others. This can feel selfish but actually it benefits everyone in the long run.
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Saying no is a loving thing to do for the other person too. Then they can trust you that you will speak your truth instead of resenting them. You can always choose not to have what you don't want. You don't have to justify yourself either. And at any point, you can also change your mind.
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Follow these steps to find out what a real yes and a real no feels in your body:
- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.
- Repeat in your mind, 'My name is ...(someone else's name).'
- Repeat in your mind, 'No'
- Notice how the no feels in your body. Where do you feel it in your body?
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This is your real, authentic no. Start noticing how you feel when you say no in your daily life. If its a maybe, take that as a no for now and then explore it again 😉
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When do you struggle to say no? When do you absolutely know when something is a no for you?
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Share below if you're drawn to or private message me if you don't want to share publicly, would love to hear. You can also say no and choose not to 😃
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Loads of love to you 💛
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