boundaries

✋🏼 DON’T EVER DO THAT TO ANY WOMEN EVER AGAIN ✋🏼

don't ever do that to.jpg

This might not be a comfortable post to read. I want to share something that happened a few weeks ago because it’s important.

.

I was on the tube and I sat next to a guy who was sitting his legs wide spread, I sat normally my legs touching his as he was taking up the space in my seat. I forgot about it, put on my earphones and started listening to some music.

.

A minute or so later, he started to rub his leg against mine very slowly to the point I think he assumed I wasn’t going to notice. I noticed it, obviously. I didn’t say anything, shocked how he can do such thing in public.

.

Then he stopped. After a while he did the same thing again while the tube was moving. I said to myself, ‘Ok, if he does it again, I’m going to say something.’ He did it again. 

.

I took a deep breath and I took out my earphones. As I did that, he immediately took his leg away and got uncomfortable. I turned my head to face him and asked, “What are you doing with your leg?” He looked away. I carried on looking at him breathing deeply. I said very calmly and slowly, “You know what you did. Don’t ever do that to any woman ever again.” 

.

I turned my face forward, put back my earphones on and carried on listening to music. He kept his legs within where his seat was. Two stops later it was my stop, I got off feeling slightly paranoid he might follow me, he didn’t.

.

As I got off, I thought how if this has happened to me, it must happen to so many women as well. So many times that maybe women don’t share it, feeling ashamed, scared or unsafe. Also not knowing, what to do in this kind of situation. 

.

If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, here are some steps for you:

- Take 5 deep breaths, stay in your body. 

- Imagine you’re sending the breath to your centre, strengthening your core. Keep breathing.

- Notice what feels true to do, sometimes it’s saying something, sometimes it’s removing yourself etc . Whatever it is, don’t endure. You don’t have to tolerate what you don’t want.

- Breathe into your heart space. Now, if you want to say something, say it with presence and power coming from your heart space. Turn your anger into power that goes into your words so they can receive your words rather than shutting down or attacking back. You have as much strength and power as this person infront of you, if not more emotional strength and power.

.

The truth is if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, it doesn’t mean anything about you. Know that no human would want to hurt or prey on other human unless they’re in pain or feeling hurt themselves. Saying that, it doesn’t make what they did right either. Of course it’s not right. 

.

Not saying anything keeps this behaviour going. Even the slight “it’s ok, no big deal, happens all the time” is worth mentioning coming from fierce love, not from attacking. You have the ability to stop it. You are saying no, not just for yourself but for other women this person might go and do the same thing to.

.

Your words and presence carry power. Use them 🔥

.

I hope this post has given you something to reflect on today. Feel free to comment or share 🙏🏼

.

Loads of love to you ❤️

.

💛 BOUNDARIES: SAYING YES 💛

boundaries saying yes.jpg

The other day, I posted about saying no, today's about saying yes ☺️

.

If you haven't read it, you can read it in my previous post ⭐️

.

So boundary is a choice you make about what you feel ok and not ok with.

.

And how do you know when a yes is a true yes?

.

You see people go, 'just go for it', sometimes its a real no. Sometimes not doing is true. And sometimes going for it is the true choice.

.

You might be scared of saying yes, to be in the unknown. You might not want to commit fearing it might take your freedom away from you. You might not trust that things are going to work out. Or you might feel like if you want something you won't get it. So simply not wanting it will keep you safe and ok.

.

The truth is you can have everything you desire. If you don't have it by now, doesn't mean you'll never have it. Own what you want, ask for it. It puts you in a vulnerable place, because you're asking for what you desire. You're risking yourself to get hurt.

.

But you're also opening your heart to receive what you truly want. You can't receive if you're not open. And even if you don't get it, accept it didn't happen, let go of any meaning you make about yourself and go for it again without scaling down what you want ✨

.

Follow these steps to find out what a real yes feels in your body:

- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.

- Repeat in your mind, 'My name is ...(your name).' 

- Repeat in your mind, 'Yes'

- Notice how that feels in your body. Where do you feel the yes in your body?

.

When you do this you'll get a yes as a feeling, visual, hearing or just a knowingness. Know that that's how your yes feels like. Next time you say yes you'll know if its true or not.

.

When do you struggle to say yes? When do you absolutely know when something is a hell yes for you? 

.

Would love to hear ✨

.

Loads of love to you 💛

.

 

💛 BOUNDARIES: SAYING NO 💛

boundaries saying no.jpg

What are boundaries? 

.

They are choices you make about what you feel ok and not ok with.
.
These can feel like non existent for you. You might feel like you never explored boundaries. In some cultures, it can even be considered disrespectful to have boundaries, to say no, but they're actually super healthy agreements you have with people to respect and love one another.
.
You might have had an experience where you said yes when really you wanted to say no. Maybe you felt guilty about saying no, maybe you felt that's what you should say to get love.
.
Each time you say yes but you actually want to say no, you're abandoning your body. You start loosing trust in yourself and in your own intuition.
.
You don't have to take on people's fear and worries when they are accusing you, so that the conflict will be over. You can say no.
.
You don't have to have sex when you don't feel like it, so that the argument will be over and you can go to bed. You can say no.
.
You don't have to drink at the bar when you don't want, so that everyone else who is drinking won't judge you. You can say no.
.
The problem is the guilt that comes up, when you say no. Stay with the guilt, feel it. Then ask what you need and prioritise your needs before others. This can feel selfish but actually it benefits everyone in the long run.
.
Saying no is a loving thing to do for the other person too. Then they can trust you that you will speak your truth instead of resenting them. You can always choose not to have what you don't want. You don't have to justify yourself either. And at any point, you can also change your mind.
.
Follow these steps to find out what a real yes and a real no feels in your body:
- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.
- Repeat in your mind, 'My name is ...(someone else's name).'
- Repeat in your mind, 'No'
- Notice how the no feels in your body. Where do you feel it in your body?
.
This is your real, authentic no. Start noticing how you feel when you say no in your daily life. If its a maybe, take that as a no for now and then explore it again 😉
.
When do you struggle to say no? When do you absolutely know when something is a no for you?
.
Share below if you're drawn to or private message me if you don't want to share publicly, would love to hear. You can also say no and choose not to 😃
.
Loads of love to you 💛
.