love languages

❤️ HOW DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? ❤️

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This topic has been coming up for weeks now, today being the Valentine's Day, I thought its a good day to write about self love 😍

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You're the most important person in your life. The better you take care of yourself, the happier you'll feel, the better you'll help, serve, give others.

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Loving yourself can be a challenge when you have parts of you that you don't love. You see all parts of yourself that are incomplete, dark, messy, not lovable, not good enough.

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But actually, you're not meant to be perfect and sorted. You're meant to be as human as you can. And love yourself as much as you can with all those parts that you can't accept and love.

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So how do you love yourself?

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You give yourself what you need. You listen to your body, to yourself and prioritise what you need. "You do you" as one of my clients says.

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When you do that, you might have guilt coming up. How can you prioritise yourself and chill when you have a 3 year old needing your attention? When you take care of yourself, your little one will see what self-love looks like, feels like and you'll be more present with them more than ever.

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Or you might have shame coming up. Who do you think you are? How can you love yourself when you messed up? Notice the shame, talk to it, feel it, let it know its ok and let it go.

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Because when you prioritise yourself, you don't expect other people to give you love. You don't resent them for not fulfilling an expectation that they were not even aware of.

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You can hold yourself, hug, caress yourself, seduce yourself without needing someone to do that for you. If they do, that's great. If they don't, that's great too, because you don't feel lonely or desperate anymore by the lack of it. And its exactly that energy that attracts more love.

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Here are ways to be loving towards yourself:

- Think about where you were 2 years ago. Think about where you are now. Write down all your achievements (including non tangible ones: your patience, courage, working on yourself, building family, creating relationship, enjoying yourself, self growth etc) Celebrate them!

- Next time you want to say no, but you feel like saying yes not to cause conflict; take a step back, breathe, close your eyes and ask yourself what you want, do that.

- When you had a long day at work, in the evening allow yourself to rest properly, could be bath with no phone, walk in woods, journaling, reading etc. (TV is not rest, its stimulation.)

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If you learn to be happy on your own, to enjoy your own company, you never have to settle down for less than what you desire in a partner or in a friend. 

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Someone shared with me she hugged herself after breathwork I held and she meant it. It moved me, seeing someone geniunely hugging herself feeling love for themselves. Later on the same day, I felt so much joy, I was kissing my arms, hugging myself and geniunely feeling, meaning it 💜 

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How do you show yourself love? What do you do just for yourself, no one else? 

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Love you 💛

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💚 5 LOVE LANGUAGES 💚

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This keeps coming up for me, people are asking me about their relationships. As they do I'm mentioning 5 love languages more and more. So here is how you can use this simple tool to create more intimacy and love in all your relationships.

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5 love languages are 5 ways we feel loved: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service.
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You and your partner's love language might not be the same and doesn't have to be the same. As long as you're aware of both your love languages, you're good.
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So what are they exactly?
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Physical touch is kissing, hugging, a loving stroke on arm, cheek, back rubbing, massage, sexual intimacy, love making etc 🙌🏼
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Words of affirmation is expressing your love through words. Giving compliments, writing poems, appreciating through written or spoken expression ❤️
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Quality time is spending time together being fully present with no phone, going on adventures together, sharing experiences together 💑
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Gifts are giving gifts, pretty obvious 🎁😃
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Acts of service is doing things for your partner like cooking for them, cleaning their room for them, hanging some pictures on the wall, taking the bin out etc. Showing your love through your acts 🍛
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Love languages are formed by how you were treated when you were younger. Maybe you were hugged loads by your parents so you want the same from your partner. Or you weren't hugged at all and you want hugs from your partner.
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They might change over time as well depending on your life circumstances, for example when you go through hard times, service might become more important for you as someone doing something for you will lift the weight off your shoulders..
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How can you use this?
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First find out yours through here:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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Mine is in this order: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service 😍
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Then you can make a game out of it and ask your loved one:
- Do you feel more loved when you receive a hug or a gift?
- Do you feel more loved when someone cooks for you or gives you a compliment?
- Do you feel more loved when someone rubs your back or spend the whole afternoon with you?
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You get the point 😉 Or just follow the questions on the website with your partner, friend, children, family etc.
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Great conversation to have on dates too 😉
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When you do this you can truly make your loved one feel loved and vice versa, massive life saver..
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What makes you feel loved? Comment below top three ways you feel loved 👇🏼💞
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Much love to you 💚
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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 TRIGGERS IN FAMILY: MASTER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

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Your parents are the people that will trigger you the most, at times even more than your partner.

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I was chatting to a friend the other day. He was telling me how he went on a holiday with his family and now he needs another holiday, an actual one where he can relax 😃

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This is so real.. You go to see your parents for Christmas, holiday or whatever and that gathering becomes hell.. Everyone's Egos flying all over the place, people getting annoyed, old deep wounds coming up to surface.. You leave the holiday feeling worse than how you felt in the beginning 😂

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It's so easy for your parents to trigger you, annoy you. The reason for this is they're the people you know the oldest. There are so many memories between you, pain, love, joy, happiness, hurt, anger, guilt, even emotional, sexual or physical abuse at times. So when you get triggered you're not just triggered for that moment, you're triggered for the sum of all those moments, for all these unresolved issues coming up.

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Also they are great mirrors. You inherited so many unconscious behaviours, patterns, habits from your parents because you saw them doing it as you were growing up. So you absorbed them like a sponge. Now as a grown up, when your unconscious defense mechanisms are reflected back at you by your parents, you feel angry and annoyed.. 

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In an argument with your family, your Ego will get triggered because its an unsafe situation. There's danger so you go into a survival mode by seeing the other person as the enemy. 

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But you're more than that. You're not just your Ego. You have your higher self, your true self. This is fully you, this is the real part of you that sees the situations as they are rather than attaching a story to it. 

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You can see those trigger moments as opportunities for you to grow. Your parents are showing you areas you need to work on.. Patterns that you have are being reflected to you so you can change them. Rather than figuring out those patterns on your own, you have someone to show you. How wonderful is that..

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In one of Tony Robbins videos, he was saying that its easy to meditate all day and grow on your own. Try being with the person you love 24/7, that's real growth 😉 You don't necessarily need that person, but through your parents or partner you see all those areas you need to work on much quicker than you'd see on your own.. 

Your parents are as human as you are, they have their vulnerabilities, mistakes, regrets, weaknesses etc. When you see them as humans, you understand them, you forgive them and you see them for who they are. 

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And you don't have your parents for long. Some of you don't have them with you anymore. Feel the love you have for them and connect with them as much as you can. Then you actually enjoy the time you have with them rather than dreading it.

Find out what their love language is. How you want to be loved might not be the same way they want to be loved. Maybe your mum loves a hug rather than receiving a gift. You can find out yours from this link, then your parents'. You can even make a game out of it and do it together 😍 

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I'll write another post about love languages but here is the link until then: 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

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Next time you're in an argument with one of your parents, follow these steps:

- Before you do or say anything, take a deep breath. Honestly, don't skip this. Do this throughout the whole thing anyway 😃

- Notice how you feel.

- Notice how the way you feel is making you do something, like an impulse. It can be shouting, getting physical, hurting that person with word etc. 

- Notice how your parent feels. If its not obvious, ask them, don't assume how they're feeling. (Always focus on how you feel first then the other person, a bit like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first on plane before you put on your child)

- See they're human like you and see their pain in that moment.

- Then imagine you're looking at the situation from above as if your higher self is observing it.

- Ask yourself 'What would my higher self do?', 'What's in the highest in this moment?'

- Do that.

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You, but only you have the power. Just having awareness of what's going on internally and externally will do magic for you, your parents, and eventually for your relationship.. 

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You always have a choice. You can choose to act from Ego or you can choose to act from your higher self. Depending on what result you want to have, its up to you to choose which level you want to operate from.. 

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When you can see you're in your Ego while you're in your Ego, that's the biggest, most helpful tool you can learn in life. Then nothing has power or control over you. 

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Master your relationship with your parents, master all relationships 😉

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Loads of love to you ❤️

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(I love Family Guy 😍)

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