vulnerability

πŸ’™ ASKING FOR HELP πŸ’™

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Asking for help can sometimes feel vulnerable. You might feel you need to do something for them then ask for help. Or you might assume people know you need help. They really don’t unless you share and it is your responsibility to ask before you feel resentment. You can ask for it directly and have it ❀️

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If you feel like you’re taking up their time etc, imagine someone you love asked for your help, you would do it right? Same applies to them. Not only you’re receiving your help but also they’re feeling good from helping you, it’s a win-win 😍
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A great way to start is by sharing how asking for help makes you feel (vulnerable, anxious, hesitant etc) then ask for what you need ✨
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You don’t have to do it all on your own. You can ask for help and when you reach where you want to go, it is still your achievement πŸ˜‰
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Feel free to share this ✨
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Sending you loads of love πŸ™πŸΌ
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Art by @underpantsandoverbites πŸ’™

πŸ™πŸΌ I GAVE A TALK THE OTHER DAY πŸ™πŸΌ

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I talked about surrendering to love at LOVEx Talks Sex and Relationships on Tuesday 😍

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Standing up and talking vulnerably and openly infront of 50 people felt like the scariest thing I’ve done in a long time. I’ve been avoiding talking and it was about time.
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I want to tell how this came about as it was a great lesson for me.
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Some of you read my β€˜I want to surrender’, the post about lovemaking. Here it is if you haven’t :
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https://www.facebook.com/isik.tlabar/posts/10160031020585300
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3 weeks ago, the organizer of LOVEx Talks Scott, read it and reached out to me saying he loved the way i wrote it, geniune, open and beautiful and would love me to speak at the event.
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So I said yes, I’d love to 😍
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I gave a Goddess Circle workshop the day before so I was focusing on that up until then. When the day came, I was pretty nervous, my thoughts were going in loops and I was forgetting to eat.
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Anyway, the day went by, arrived at the venue, went up there, feeling super nervous. I talked about letting go of the need to control, being vulnerable, surrender in relationships and also in lovemaking.
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It’s easy to sit and watch speakers and judge them but it’s a whole another reality when you go up there yourself. It’s pretty surreal, I can’t even remember what I said. Later on, I found out as I was speaking, a guy outside on the street was playing Imagine by John Lennon. It made me teary, that song literally is the world I want to live in.
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One of the many things that touched me afterwards was that 2 Turkish women came up to me saying, its inspiring to see someone from the same sexually repressed background putting herself out there sharing about these topics. They thanked me, I felt so grateful 😍 (I am Turkish, I grew up in Istanbul then moved to UK when I was 18.)
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A part of me always believed I have to go to networking events, do webinars etc, do all these things to be visible. But actually, I just have to write.
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Writing is my medicine, its how I realise, let go, forgive, feel, grieve, integrate, complete and move on. The bonus side of it is when I share, I find that so many people resonate with them. So when I just write and share, all these magical things come to me as a confirmation of what I’m doing is true. An opportunity to speak, to write in a magazine as a monthly columnist and to collaborate to run a women’s retreat ❀️ (Will share more on the last one soon πŸ˜‰)
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It took me few days to digest, integrate what happened but I feel like now I adjusted to this new energy. Ready for the next level 😍
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This showed me, once again, always do what’s true and the rest will take care of itself ✨
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Sending you love πŸ’›
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πŸ’— A REMINDER FOR WOMEN πŸ’—

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Today being the International Women’s Day, I wanted to write a reminder for women, for today and every day. I feel blessed and honoured to know so many beautiful, unique, powerful, raw, real and honest women in my life. I dedicate this to all women who inspire me daily by showing up and being themselves ✨

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Your power as a woman is your courage. To open yourself up to limitless possibilities, to stand right infront of the unknown no matter how you feel and say, 'I'm ready, show me.'
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Your power as a woman is your ability to feel. To feel someone so deeply that they don’t have to explain themselves, they feel heard and seen like they’ve never had before.
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Your power as a woman is your vulnerability. To be vulnerable in a way that no one can stand infront of you holding their mask up to their face, they drop their stories in your presence by you just being you.
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Your power as a woman is your intuition. To know the truth without needing any logical backup, to trust and follow that voice that says, β€˜Yes, go for it!’.
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Your power as a woman is your creativity. To imagine, to plant a seed, to nurture it and to allow it to blossom into a masterpiece. To realise that whatever you imagine, you can have it.
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Your power as a woman is your sensuality and sexuality. To connect deeply with your body, to express your ecstasy, your pleasure freely and unapologetically.
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Your power as a woman is your β€˜no’. To know what feels true for you, and what doesn’t, to respect and honour your boundaries without any compromise and without any need to justify.
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Your power as a woman is your voice. To speak your truth as it is, without conforming to societal norms, without a rundown version of it. To share your wisdom, your experience, your feelings, your life as you wish to express.
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Your power as a woman is your sisterhood. To support and cheer women as if every woman is your sister. To know that it’s not a competition, that we move forward together, that we are in this together. To know that you are connected to all the women who came before you and will come after you.
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Receive this. Take it and don’t let anyone tell you, β€˜don’t rock the boat’, β€˜keep quiet’, β€˜you’re too emotional’ etc. Live your truth no matter how insane life gets sometimes, knowing that you living your truth is for you and it benefits everyone in the long run. Show others your truth rather than explaining it πŸ˜‰
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I celebrate you today and every day ❀️ Love you πŸ’›
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Wishing you a gorgeous evening πŸŒ™
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Wonderful community πŸ™πŸΌ

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Thank you Ryan Pinnick for such a beautiful, powerful and refreshing SuperGeni Us momentum session today πŸ™πŸΌ

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I love this community of creators living from their truth, taking the next step whether its scary or not..

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I did a share infront of 150 people crying. Took my time to feel and cry too, didn't rush. 150 people just waited.
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I shared about when I first found this intuitive work, I was seeing my vision, what I want to do, was getting clearer on it thinking that'll be in 5 years or so..
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I saw today that I'm here, now. When I slow down, create space for me, things naturally happen anyway. I'm realising my vision, everything I ever wanted. I don't have to 'make' things happen anymore. I can rest as I go.
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Being witnessed in that vulnerability, openness was just so beautiful, I felt so held. Thank you everyone who was there today πŸ™πŸΌ Love you πŸ’™
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Thank you Ryan for creating and growing this amazing community 

πŸ‘ΈπŸ½ BELIEVE IN YOURSELF πŸ‘ΈπŸ½

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There's no one like you out there. No one has your energy or the gifts you have to offer.

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You might feel like you don't have much to offer, much to say. Or you might believe you're not that unique, what you want to do is done before and you're not where you want to be anyway so what's the point.. 

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When you're in that space and someone goes, 'Believe in yourself!' It might feel a bit flat and irritating, I do at least πŸ˜ƒ

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What does it even mean, believing in yourself?

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It means you know who you are and you know your gifts and the power they have. You know its true for you to be that, offer that, because that's what you love and you doing what you love is what the world needs.

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There's this beautiful quote by Howard Thurman, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

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I love this quote. When people ask for your help, you might feel like you're not capable to help them or you don't feel confident or experienced enough. That's not true, if someone's showing up and asking your help, its because they need your help, your energy. If they didn't resonate with you, they wouldn't have come up to you. 

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Allow yourself to receive the transformation you can create in their lives.. Make serving them more important than what you think about yourself and see what happens β˜ΊοΈπŸ’›

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When you step up, grow and stretch yourself your self esteem might feel like its getting lower, because your Ego gets scared. So it throws at you everything it can as a strategy to keep you small. Once you notice the strategy and the reason behind it, it doesn't have power or control over you. For example it might tell you to show this facade first before showing the real you, before opening up and being vulnerable. 

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As you drop your mask, people around you will drop theirs too. The more you see people pretending, its because you're pretending too. Its just a mirror of the vibration you're in. You don't have to show off or overdo you either. Just be the real you.

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Last Saturday I guided a movement session and a cacao ceremony for 20 people and 15 of them haven't meditated before in their lives. And there I was wearing my feathers, this goddessy dress walking around barefoot with my palo santo (similar to incense stick). I felt quite proud actually to be in that space and be myself. In the end of the day, they're just people who are not better or worse than you are.

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And if you have any doubt about not knowing who you are just think of an acorn. An acorn grows into an oak tree, it doesn't try to be an oak tree, it doesn't have to figure out how to be an oak tree. It just becomes an oak tree. It surrenders and allows that growth and transformation to happen to be its fullest and embodied self. Stop trying and allow.

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Here are 2 things you can do to start believing in yourself:

- Print out every beautiful thing people said about you.. A client's testimonial, a 'oh my god that session was incredible, thank you!' message. Your friend's or lover's encouraging message to you. Put them somewhere in your room where you can see them every day. 

(Know that you don't have to get attached to these praises, they're just reflecting your true nature to you, they're not giving you anything extra)

- Imagine you're at your 80th birthday. People are coming up to you and thanking you for being this beautiful person. What are they thanking you for? Write them down.

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So be like an acorn πŸ˜ƒ and wear feathers, always πŸ˜‰βœ¨

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Who would be if you didn't care what others think of you? And what would you do? Comment below β˜ΊοΈπŸ’ž

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Loads of love to you! πŸ’–

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How I write..

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People tell me they love my posts and I sound really confident in them. Sometimes I don't feel confident at all, definitely not while I'm writing them.

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To get to that point of having the post out there has ups and downs. Sometimes they just come out in 15 mins, sometimes I put off writing about that topic few days. Later on it comes back haunting me, then I definitely have to write about it like the one I posted today πŸ˜ƒ

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Each time I post, I have bit of resistance. Sometimes I feel excited to get it out there, sometimes I feel scared and sometimes I feel super anxious that I don't check my phone for another half an hour because I don't want to see the response. I got asked once, 'Do you ever feel anxious?' So hell yeah πŸ˜‚

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I don't write things that I don't have experience of either. That's why they feel so raw, open and vulnerable to me sometimes, but I still do it hey. Things I talk about in the sessions, posts, I live it myself. Otherwise its not honest and authentic. You'd feel it anyway if I wasn't authentic.

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Also to write a post or explore that topic in the session I need to get to a point of completion, where I learnt a lesson about it, otherwise I can't share. I'd still have blindspots around it. I'd write it from Ego, I'd project to you, almost like looking through a tainted glass rather than a clear glass.. 

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I don't wait until I got it all together either because I can always learn and grow around it. But I share it once I reach a point of, 'Oh cool, I can talk about this now.'

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I write for myself as much as you guys. I love sharing and its cathartic for me too. It makes me feel like I don't have anything to hide now.. I honestly still feel surprised at how beautifully people respond to the vulnerability.. Each time I do it, I feel like I've grown a bit more, I expanded a bit more..

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So I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful support and following what I write.. It means a lot 😍 Loads more to come hehe πŸ’ž

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Love you πŸ’›βœ¨

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It's hard sometimes, doing what's true..

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Yesterday night, my love left for Thailand, for 2.5 months.. I cried my eyes out, moments throughout the day, going to the airport to say bye and a bit today as well.

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We literally went from being together 7/24 for a month, to being apart for longer than two months.. Bit of an extreme contrast there πŸ˜ƒ

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It's hard sometimes, doing what's true. But I know that it will benefit me, Aaron and our relationship in the long run πŸ™ŒπŸΌ
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Of course I feel sad, I feel upset, but it's not lasting forever. I don't really go into victim mode anymore, because I'm aware of it. It takes away from your Ego's satisfaction πŸ˜ƒ
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Also being aware and spiritual doesn't mean you got it all together, all the time.
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You're human, I'm human and we all feel. Whatever you're going through, know that it definitely isn't going to last forever, even if it feels like it.. Only you can make it longer than it's meant to by holding onto it.
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When you open up and allow emotions to move through you without trying to make sense, everything settles down naturally.. Then sadness can turn into joy and anger into calmness..
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How are you feeling today? ✨
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I'm happy to be back in London ❀️ Loads of love to you! 😘
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🎭 BEING YOURSELF 🎭

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When you are yourself you feel loved and seen for who you truly are.

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You might feel like you need to behave in a certain way to get love. You have to do something to deserve love because you can't just get love by doing nothing.
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Or you need to put a mask on to keep everyone happy except you. You need to blend and mold in without being too much of a rebel. To do this, loads of your energy goes into figuring out the situation unconsciously, people so you can blend in. Otherwise, if you reveal yourself to the world you will be betrayed by those you love.
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The truth is you're not defined by other people and other people are not defined by you. People have their own perceptions going on which they're acting out from and that doesn't mean anything about you.
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Next time when you're trying to be in a certain way you think you should be, try these steps:
- Close your eyes.
- Ask yourself 'What's holding me back from being myself?'
- Allow yourself to feel that emotion and ask yourself when you first felt that emotion.
- See that time forming infront of you. What are the decisions you are making about the world and yourself in that moment?
- Imagine looking at the situation from high above, through the eyes of your higher self, your true self. What actually happened? What was other person scared of?
- Come back to the present moment and see what's the true action for you to do for yourself if no one you care about existed.
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When you are not yourself and see that you are being loved you don't receive that love fully because that love came to the masked version of you.
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But when you are truly yourself and when you see that you're celebrated and loved for who you are, that's when you fully feel loved, seen and heard. You have nothing to hide now and you just proved that you can be yourself. It's a beautiful feeling β˜ΊοΈπŸ’›
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Would love to hear from you, comment below your thoughts lovelies πŸ‘‡πŸΌ
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Much love to you πŸ’ž
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πŸ’ž ALLOW YOURSELF TO RECEIVE πŸ’ž

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"Life is hard."

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You might believe you have to push through life to get what you want, that it is a struggle and that is the way it is..
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What if it's not meant to be hard? What if you're meant to flow, you're meant to have loads of joy, love and abundance?
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Receiving is as important as giving. Allowing things to come to you naturally.. You might push things and believe that's the way to get things done. That's fine, but I'm saying there's another way.
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You have to open up your heart fully and receive all that is waiting for you. It's ok to open up your heart to its full capacity so that love can enter.. You might get scared that people will hurt you but when you're closing your heart, you're closing yourself to all the beauty that is out there as well..
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It doesn't just effect love, it effects everything. Your ability to receive love will be the same ability of receiving money, receiving joy, receiving support.. They are all forms of love.
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I'm learning loads about this at the moment. I have no problem with giving love or support freely because if I have the answer to someone's problem, its selfish not to give it.. But when it comes to receiving, there are layers I'm working through at the moment πŸ˜ƒ
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Each time I open up my heart more to receive, something external happens right away. A new client appears.. A friend contacts me appreciating and giving me love out of the blue.. I get a compliment from someone I haven't met before.. And I get a free coconut bite from Pret πŸ˜‚
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When you're in that vibration of allowing and receiving love, people will naturally want to give you stuff for free. It's inevitable.
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Next time you feel like you have to push through rather than allowing, try these out:
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
- Notice what your mind is telling you, usually its the impulse or urge to do something.
- Ask 'will this benefit me or will it lead to burn out?'
- Imagine the attachment to that idea is dissolving
- Have a look at where you are and what you want to do next.
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Have a beautiful rest of the weekend πŸ˜β˜€οΈ
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Love you πŸ’› Receive it, hehe πŸ˜‰
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πŸ’™ LOVING SOMEONE FOR WHO THEY ARE πŸ’š

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You agreed to come onto this planet to have a super real human experience. You forgot that you were pure light and energy as you came down.

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Coming from pure love, such high energy, it feels like a trauma having to fit in to a tiny human body. So the illusion of seperation starts.
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When you connect to and love someone, you are actually loving and connecting to yourself. They're showing parts of you, to you. Because you are everyone. And everyone is you. So when you hurt someone, you're hurting yourself too. That's why Universe has a funny way of bringing it back to you asap πŸ˜ƒ
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You created it all. You created love and darkness, everything ever existed. Once you see this, you don't get carried away with small things, you see the bigger picture.
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You might go, 'Yeah but what about my needs?' You communicate them openly and vulnerably as they are. The fear might be that they might leave or not take it well. When you're being yourself and that person is leaving, its good that they're leaving. Then the nature will fill that void. If they're receiving your vulnerability, that's awesome. So it always turns out great when you follow your truth.
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So when you love someone, and that person is triggering you:
- Look and see them for who they truly are. See the pure love in them. They might be having a tough time at the moment but that's not who they are.
- See their gifts. What are they good at? What are they not great at? That's just who they are. Accept it all.
- Be honest about if you love them because they are the way you want them to be or they are purely themselves and you love them for that.
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Let me know your thoughts below πŸ’›
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Much love to youπŸ’ž
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