loving yourself

❤️ SELF LOVE 101 ❤️

Self love is one of the hardest things I find. The more I do breathwork journeys, workshops and sessions, the more I see I’m not alone in feeling this way.

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Self love is not just taking baths, getting a massage etc. It’s also about going into your darkness, accepting and loving those parts of yourself you don’t want anyone to find out.
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You might feel you don’t deserve to be cared for so you don’t do it for yourself when you do it so generously for others. You might feel seperate and lonely so you seperate yourself even more by abandoning yourself. You might feel you deserve good things only as a reward when you earned it. Or you might feel self-love is a weird narcissistic thing where you feel awkward to love yourself.
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Growing up, maybe you believed there was something wrong with you, maybe you felt you’ve done something bad and you don’t want anyone to find out. So you carry a shame keeping people at an arm’s length distance so they don’t find out. If they find out, they might shame you, reject you or abandon you.
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I have felt and done all the above. I still do them from time to time and continue to work on them.
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You’re not black or white. There are many sides to you. Sometimes you’re feisty, dark and sexual. Sometimes you’re loving, soft and giving. Accepting them as a part of you takes the power out of it. When you do so, it stops showing up so strongly because you listened and payed attention to it. It was a part of you just wanted to be heard and seen.
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Growing up, I believed anger was a bad emotion and I felt guilt and shame whenever I felt it, especially towards people I loved. Now I see, anger when integrated, coming from a higher place, is actually power and strength. It shows you where your boundaries are and what you care about.
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There are always two sides to things. Our pain becomes our greatest strength when we see the lesson, forgive and let go of the story. Our shame becomes compassion. Our fear becomes courage. Our grief becomes freedom.
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Here are few steps to accept and love parts of you you might struggle to accept and love:
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
- Take 4 more deep breaths.
- Go on then, one more 😃
- Ask, “What part of me I feel I can’t show to people?”
- Imagine that part of you infront of you
- Ask, “What do you need?” (Maybe just needs to be acknowledged and to be listened)
- Give them what they need.
- Tell that part of you, “I love you and accept you.” and imagine you hug that part as it integrates to your body.
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When you have your internal love and validation, any external love and validation would be extra, not a necessity. You receive love and validation when you let go of the need for it 💛
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Master this and practical side of what to do to cultivate self-love such as alone time, bath, movement etc is actually easy. My next post is about that ✌🏼
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Sending you love ❤️✨
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(Image is from this past summer ☀️)
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💃🏽 CONFIDENCE: BEING YOURSELF💃🏽

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Video: https://www.facebook.com/isik.tlabar/posts/10160864658090300?__tn__=K-R

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Confidence is owning all that you are and showing up in the world saying “This is who I am.” ❤️

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One of the most common things I come across people say in sessions and workshops is in some form or another, “I want to be myself. Sometimes, I don’t know who I am.”

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Confidence starts with being yourself. I don’t believe you can fake until you make it. People can tell that you’re faking it, they’re not stupid. And you definitely know that you’re faking it 😃 so what’s the point of that when you can start from where you’re at? Sometimes being yourself is being in silence. You don’t have to express your opinion about everything all the time. Or you don’t have to be loud to be or feel confident. No confident person ever tried to prove they’re confident anyway.

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When you see someone being themselves, it gives you the permission to do the same in your own way. You might have heard this quote by Marianne Williamson, 

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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It’s probably my favourite quote to date ❤️

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As children we felt free, we lived in the moment. We didn’t worry about how we looked or what people thought about us. We were so busy being ourselves, having fun and enjoying the world. What if we kept that outlook on life? What if we didn’t doubted or questioned ourselves?

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I saw ‘I Feel Pretty’ last week. I loved it so much that I watched it again. It’s about how we pressure ourselves to look a certain way, especially women, how we criticise ourselves constantly beating ourselves up. When we look at someone we can see what makes them, them, in their unique way but when it comes down to ourselves, we’re our worst critics.

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✨ Who would you be if no one you knew existed?✨

Who you are is you, better than all the comparisons and shoulds because no one is you. No one has your face, your ideas, your energy, your creativity. Even if its a similar idea that is done before, it’s not you who’s doing it, your energy matters. 

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✨ What would you do if rejection didn’t exist? ✨

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Rejection is another thing. When it happens, we make it personal about us. Even if we knew deep down, that person wasn’t right for us, now on top of that you feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. The truth is it doesn’t mean anything about you, and it’s time to find someone who will cherish you for who you are.

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Another thing is you don’t have to believe in yourself all the time. I definitely don’t. All you need is 1-2 cheerleaders by your side as a reminder of what you already know, deep down. They can be your friend, lover, your coach, someone that will tell you, “I believe in you. You’re a shining star and you got this.” And some days its you, telling yourself.

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Here’s a process for you:

- Stand infront of a mirror and look into your eyes

- Keep breathing

- Think of something you like about yourself and say it to yourself out loud

- It can be small or big, physical or anything else. To take it to the next level, do this once a day every day for a week and see what you come up with 🤩 you might even hug yourself by the end of it 🌹

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If you want to feel what it feels like to be yourself, with no judgement or shame, come do breathwork with me on the 20th next week. If you know what that feels like, come join anyway. Let’s go deeper, find parts of you that you didn’t know was there. And all you’re doing is breathing ✨

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Make sure to book your ticket if you want to join, we’re half full now. Here’s the link to book:

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https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3600217

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You might get caught up in your imperfections and completely miss what makes you amazing until someone points it out.

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So tag a friend and comment below. What do you love about them? What makes them, them? Let’s celebrate each other 😍❤️

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Loads of love to you 😘

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🎧 by Monolink - The End

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