conscious relationships

💚 COMMITMENT TO LOVE 💚

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This post is dedicated to me and Aaron Le Conte’s friendship ✨

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Over the last 1.5 years, we committed to turn our intimate relationship into deep friendship. When I reflect and look at my life our friendship is something I deeply cherish and honour. So I’d love to tell you more about it as I think it’s pretty rare the journey we went on.

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In summary, Aaron and I met three years ago. We went super deep and fast into our relationship. Our first date turned into 3 days where we told each other “I love you”. Fast forward one year, every moment we were triggered by each other, we held space for each other to do a healing around it. This was very intense and to be honest not sustainable in the long run 😃

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As we decided to end our intimacy, we wanted to be friends forever for real. So we decided to hold each other through our seperation, to open our hearts even more rather than shutting down.

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This wasn’t a walk in the park. I can honestly say this breakup was the hardest thing I had to go through as it brought up so many wounds to the surface while my dad passed away as well. During this time parts of me literally died.

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I want to celebrate the qualities of this man that have deeply transformed my life:

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✨ His unconditional love. He loves me as I am and to this day carries on to do so. He showed me what unconditional love can feel and look like in a relationship and how it doesn’t have to go away after breakups. He showed me how when you love someone as they are unconditionally, they blossom and become more of who they truly are.

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✨ His support. From day 1, he encouraged me to step into my power, start and build my business. When I wanted to stop, he helped me to carry on. He still helps me with my business. He edits my meditations, gives me business strategy sessions, assists me with the breathwork journeys when he’s around. He still did, even when we were going through a tough time together. He was able to put our process aside and serve.

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✨ His commitment to his growth. He doesn’t share as much on social media but I know that he sits down every day, goes within into his darkness with his processes, feels uncomfortable emotions and always finds a way to get to the other side of it. It’s very inspiring to witness.

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✨ His love for his loved ones. He would do anything for his family and friends, he feels geniune joy out of helping them unconditionally with pure love and no agenda.

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✨ His silliness. Behind all the peace, love and the hugs he gives out, there’s a silly boy with a dark humour.

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He taught me how to connect with my heart and my body. He taught me how to let go of the idea of what something should look like and be open to what it might become. And he taught me the beauty of spending hours together as quality time.

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He showed me how love can be supporting your ex partner to be ready to attract their future partner.

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Here are few things we did that enabled us to transition and to be great friends today:

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❤️ Being vulnerable and open with each other ❤️

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If there’s even a slight little thing that feels off or triggering, we share it IN THE MOMENT in how we make each other feel. Of course we had moments where we manipulated each other but we called each other out and came back to honesty.

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❤️ Telling each other what we need ❤️

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At some point during our breakup, we asked each other exactly what we needed to hear looking into each other’s eyes. It went something like this: “Us breaking up doesn’t mean neither of us is not good enough or worthy of love, it means we’re not right for each other.”

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❤️ Having time apart with periods of no communication ❤️

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Some time apart helped in letting go of the relationship and remembering who we are without the relationship. We had few weeks where we didn’t speak, but always reconnected and checked in how we were both doing.

❤️ Trusting the truth of we’re not right for each other ❤️

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This was a hard one to accept because there is so much love between us. It also showed us how if we’re letting go of this which was true, something even more aligned is coming. We also connected with our future partners’ energy and described it for each other which helped with letting each other go. If you’re not focusing on the future, you can’t let the past go.

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❤️ Not leaving a conversation without resolving ❤️

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We would argue, talk, eventually be vulnerable and open until we come to a resolution. At times, this was happened to be inconvenient places like 2am at night or tube stations. We left things unresolved few times and it got worse, there was more to resolve afterwards. Better sooner then later. Best way I feel to end a conflict is to catch yourself when you’re in your Ego, admit out loud you’re in your Ego. Then you hold each other and come back to love together.

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❤️ Choosing friendship first ❤️

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We wanted to be friends first. When we decided to break up, we got matching triangle tattoos on our ankles to commit to our friendship. We promised to treat each other how friends would treat each other during this seperation, with respect, love and decency.

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This is what worked for us. I know its not for everyone. Some relationships are those where you just need to leave and not look back. And some have a potential to turn into beautiful friendships. If this is something you want to create and both sides want it, it is possible with honesty, vulnerability and direct communication.

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I believe true love between two people never goes away. It doesn’t have to just because there was a breakup. It can transform into a form of love that is even deeper. Aaron is like a brother and a super close friend to me now. I cried many times while I wrote this post feeling the love, appreciation and gratitude I have for him.

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This photo was taken back in April after a breathwork journey eating at Pizza Express which is a ritual we do to celebrate. Aaron was away for 3 months and I’m super excited that he’s in London for a week now 😍

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There is no set in stone way of going about in relationships. You decide how you want to start, create and end a relationship. Be honest with yourself. What is your truth? Have an open, honest conversation about it and follow that.

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I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions below ✨

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I love you 💛

🌙 WE ARE OUR MOTHERS & WE DATE OUR FATHERS ☀️

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Few weeks ago, my friend Lauren Love came over and we dived deep into a deep conversation about relationships ❤️ This post came out of our conversation 🤗

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We all have feminine and masculine energies in us whether we’re in a female or male body. 

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In a nutshell, feminine essence is about love, creativity, connection, flow, receptivity and surrender. Masculine essence is about presence, drive, focus, action, giving. They are so much more than this though and people are much more complex than this.

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When I mention those energies in the post, I’m referring to the feminine and masculine essence of both in women, men or however you identify yourself.

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If we are unconscious, we go into relationships to resolve our unmet needs from childhood through using the behaviours we learnt unconsciously from our parents. We are often attracted to the character traits similar to the parent whose love we wanted the most and didn’t receive.

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This often ends up in a disaster 😂

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When your partner or someone you’re in connection with is triggering you, it’s nearly never about them. It’s something your mum or dad used to do that created a similar emotional response in you in the past. So when this happens, all the emotions you couldn’t express in your childhood gets directed at this person.

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Here are some examples of unconscious patterns and reasons for why they mighy happen. They can apply to both essence, vice versa:

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Examples for the feminine:

- Wanting to mold the masculine into your ideal partner. Even when you mold them, it doesn’t work. The attraction goes away because that wasn’t who you were attracted to in the first place.

- Choosing emotionally unavailable and not present masculine. Getting little bit of love to keep you going. Unconsciously, if you get them to love you, your dad who wasn’t emotionally present, loves you too.

- Choosing to be with mentally or physically ill masculine coming from the need to save the masculine. If you save them, then you also save your dad.

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Examples for the masculine:

- Not speaking truth and pleasing the feminine, coming from fear of abandonment

- Feeling not good enough and unappreciated no matter what you do so why bother, disconnection from emotions. Chasing the feeling of appreciation in other feminine.

- Fluctuating between “I’m free” & “I’m not free”, as soon as it goes deeper disconnecting going aloof to protect your freedom.

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So how do you change this?

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✨ You comfort and love the little girl/boy in you. 

✨ You see the situation from a higher perspective that you weren’t able to see at the time.

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Next time you notice you’re repeating your past or doing exactly what happened between your mum and dad, follow these steps:

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- Close your eyes. 

- Take 4 deep breaths in.

- Ask your inner child to show a moment when you experienced this as a little boy/girl

- Talk to them and tell them, “It’s ok. I’ve got you now. I’m here for you now and I always will be here. I love you.”

- Ask if they need to hear anything from you. Tell them that. Comfort and love them.

- Now imagine yourself lifting off, almost rising above seeing the scene from a bird’s eye view. See a golden ball of light above your head representing your greatness, higher self descending onto you as you connect with it.

- Ask yourself, “What’s really going on looking at it from this higher perspective?”

- Ask yourself, “What would I love?” or “What would my higher self do?” 

- Follow that 🙂

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Awareness is the first step. If you’re not aware of what you’re doing, you can’t do anything about it. Same scenarios will keep happening to you with different people. 

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This is also not a one off thing where you do it and you’re healed forever 😂 As you do it, you feel freer and freer and more connected to your true essence.

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Moment by moment, ask yourself, “Am I repeating my past, or am I making an empowered choice from the truth?” Doing the exact opposite of what your parents did could still be coming from your Ego. The root cause is still the same thing, you’re just using different strategies.

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The examples that were set for you and your past is not your fate. You are your fate. You decide what kind of relationship you want to create ✨

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We also inherit beautiful qualities from our parents or caregivers. This post was focused more on unconscious patterns. They did their best whilst carrying their own wounds from the past with a wounded inner child. Also even if they did everything amazing, you still have an Ego and you still perceive things from your perspective 🙂

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Focus on becoming a version of you that is connected to your highest truth. The rest will be taken care of 🙏🏼

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If you made it reading this far, thank you for reading 🙏🏼 

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Feel free to share this if you resonated. Would love to hear your comments or questions below ❤️

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I love you 💛

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❤️ 4 THINGS TO REMEMBER IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS ❤️

✨When someone rejects you, it doesn’t mean anything about you ✨

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When someone doesn’t want to be with you, it can be almost automatic to take it personally. You might feel abandoned, unloved, unworthy or insignificant. You might question yourself as if there is something wrong with you or you might loose your confidence. You might even change yourself to fit into the criterias of that person so they don’t leave you.

When you’re being yourself and someone rejects you, that is actually a good thing. It shows that you’re not right for each other. When you’re being yourself and that person wants to be with you, that’s beautiful. You win either way. 

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The truth is, there is someone for you out there who will love you for who you are. You don’t have to change yourself and be less of who you are for someone. Ever 😍

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✨When you compare yourself with others, you forget who you are ✨

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When you compare yourself with others, you’re taking something external as a reference point and you loose your centre, you give your power away. 

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Especially on social media when you look at other people’s lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. You don’t know the whole story of what’s going on for them. No one’s life is perfect. Even if they tell you they don’t have any issues, that’s not true. They’re either playing it small, not being honest with themselves or haven’t gone deeper into their wounds.

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Write a list of 20 things you love about yourself, it could be about how you look, your character, anything. 20 things that makes you, you ❤️ Next time you catch yourself comparing with others, you can bring your focus back to what you love about yourself.

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✨ You can ask for what you want and have it ✨

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You might feel like you can’t ask for what you want not just from your partner but from people around you. It might feel awkward, you might feel you don’t deserve to have it or you might not want to let people in to keep yourself safe as asking for help requires vulnerability.

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A good way to ask for what you want is speak from your heart. Don’t offer a favour first, or tell how tired you are hoping they’ll get the message, that’s manipulation. Ask directly. Be clear and loving. If they say no, that’s ok, again doesn’t mean anything about you. Ask someone else. You’ll be surprised how many people are willing to help you, they just don’t know how. 

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✨ Give yourself what you wants others to give you ✨

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Close your eyes and imagine the 5 year old you infront of you. What does s/he need? What does s/he need to hear from you to feel safe and loved? Tell them that.

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Give your inner child what you want others to give you. This way you meet your own needs and you don’t get upset by others’ actions towards you, especially by your parents’. When the need for them to do something is not there, they naturally give you what you always wanted anyway 😊 This also helps you to focus on your future with ease and flow rather than dwelling on the past.

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Feel free to share if you found this useful 😍

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I work on those areas (relationship & purpose) a lot in 1:1 coaching/clearing sessions. If you want support in mastering these, message me ❤️

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Love you 😘

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💛 END OF A CHAPTER 💛

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It took me 7 months to finally share this post. I was in process of feeling and now I’m in a place where it feels complete and I can share it. So here it goes:

Aaron and I had been together on and off since our initial breakup in February, but two days ago was our final day as a couple.

We initially broke up gradually over 5 weeks back in February. Rather than cutting each other off and being strangers overnight, we held each other through the grief and sadness. After that, Aaron went to Panama to Tribal Gathering, I moved into my own flat and we had a few weeks of not talking to each other. 

After a while, we started to be intimate again. We tried open relationship to polyamory (intimate relationship with more than one person), being lovers to being committed intimate partners to not having any labels. At some point we were friends and seeing other people, at some point we didn’t speak at all. 

Every time we didn’t speak to each other for long periods of time, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

In this process, we became two different people. The relationship energy we had initially was gone and two new people met for the first time. Every time, we went deeper into intimacy and deeper into love.

You need to know yourself and know what you want. If you don’t, you’re going to loose yourself in your relationships. Whether you choose to be non-monogamous or monogamous, you will be carrying the same wound to any form of relating.

Non-monogamy can be a beautiful way to go deeper within yourself to dive into your wounds and shed light on them. It could be a great way to ask for what you want, speak your truth, practice your boundaries or enjoying your sexuality, breaking through the shame and guilt.

Or it could also be a way to avoid commitment, a coping mechanism to feeling not good enough to be your partner’s only lover, feeling unworthy to ask for a closed relationship, fear of missing out or fear of going deep into intimacy, being devoted to one another. 

There were times I got the hang of it and there were times I fucked up. After exploring back and forth, I came to the conclusion that I like monogamy. I love surrendering into one another and creating a sacred space only two people share.

2 days ago, we both saw that this intimate relationship we created, grew and shared together over the last two years was not serving us anymore. Aaron came over to my place and we sat down, instantly we both broke into tears. Without saying a word, we both knew it was the end. It felt unreal but so true. We tried everything but it didn’t work.

It’s easy to break up with someone when you hate each other, but it’s so hard when you have so much love for one another. It’s easy to break up when you just met someone incredible that could be your new partner, but it’s so hard when you haven’t met that person yet, and you both choose being single so it serves you both, no matter how much it hurts.

No matter how much love you put into something, if it’s not right, it’s not going to work. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

This relationship showed me what I want, what is possible. It showed me the depth, vulnerability and honesty two people can journey into. It showed me I don’t need anything from men anymore, I got it all within me. I can stop searching, now that I see what a relationship could look and feel like. It showed me that my body’s a sacred temple and to not let anyone in who doesn’t deserve to be there.

We had 3 intense breakups and coming back to love each time, to keep surrendering into love through the pain and hurt, to keep choosing love.

Aaron and I will always be in each other’s life. I feel deep sadness, grief, loss combined with my dad’s loss but also relief that we are doing what is true. We are always going to be friends, brother and sister.

I especially want to thank our mutual friend Amanda for seeing us go back and forth and sticking with us through it all and choosing to love us even when she saw when we were not right for each other. I love you so much Amanda and so grateful for you 💛

I want to finish with what Aaron said to me when we made love for the last time. If you’re a woman, receive this as the masculine talking to you ❤️

“Your sexuality is one of your greatest gifts.

You are the most expensive meal on the menu.

You are the diamond that shines the brightest in the store.

You are the greatest gift you can receive at Christmas.

Do not give yourself away cheaply.

The level of love you give, it’s a level people can’t imagine.

Don’t allow a man to enter you without feeling your body.

Make sure the man feels right, deep within you, before you are intimate with him and share your sacred energy

Feel your body, womb and heart.

What do they say?

Don’t give yourself away freely to anybody.”

Feel free to share this if it touched somewhere in your heart ❤️

Love you 💛