deep

💚 DEEPER LAYERS OF LOVE 💚

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This post has been the hardest post I've written to this day taking out words from me with each tear, feeling each pain and each emotion.

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Aaron and I seperated on Monday. It was our last day as a couple. We made the decision to seperate 5 weeks ago realising we've given each other everything we needed at this time, it was time to let go and be on our own for a while.

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Since then we've been allowing ourselves to grieve, to feel and to celebrate what a wonderful and special relationship we created. We held breathwork journeys for each other, spoke about our memories together, had playful and fun time together, soaking up the last moments we have of our relationship. We wanted to do it in a way to honour our love and life together for the past year so we can go into friendship without any heaviness, resentment, sadness or anger.

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I've never had a breakup this way before. It hasn't been easy. It has been a very loving, honouring but also a confronting process requiring us to be honest with ourselves and each other. It's the opposite of cutting each other off, two lovers becoming two strangers within hours after intimate months together, moving on like nothing happened. 

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Rather than holding onto pain for months and years, we've been feeling the pain of letting each other go and releasing as we feel. Rather than crying out on our own or with a friend, we've been crying together. Rather than turning all the love to hate, we've been going deeper into love while transitioning into friendship. As we let go, we find a deeper layer of love underneath the sadness, underneath the resentment and the pain.

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When you're getting to know someone you slowly go into the relationship, this felt like the same thing but on the other side of completing a relationship allowing us to not carry on any trauma to the next phase of our lives.

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Part of me is excited to see what's ahead of me. Part of me is scared that I'll never find such a deep and loving connection ever again. My mind goes, it's insane to have this and let it go, how can there be something even deeper than this? Then my heart says, 'You've already made the hardest decisions in your life, just trust, I got you.' Then I take a step forward into the complete unknown not knowing what's next ✨

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I've been feeling so grateful for the last few days for receiving such supportive and loving feedback about my recent posts telling me I'm brave to tell all of this. I feel like real bravery is willing to go deep within yourself, willing to dig deeper and deeper knowing you might not like what you find but still going until you hit the gold. There's a deep sadness, deep loneliness within me that I discovered recently as I write more. I didn't know it was there before. That's gold for me because that's what makes this post happen.

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I feel grateful to have been with a man with whom I went into the depths of my darkness together. I feel grateful to have been with a man who can see right through me and love all that I am. I feel grateful to have been with a man who stays by my side lovingly even when I try to push him away. 

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This has been a magical, beautiful, transformational year full of growth, deep love, deep intimacy and lots of fun. We were two people who grown into two completely different people. The intensity of shift felt like ten years fitting into one year.

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The last five weeks we've been through together has been a ride, beautiful, loving and honouring. Now its time to journey and grow on our own. Aaron's off to Panama in few hours for three weeks, I'm staying in London focusing on my 1-1 sessions, writing and workshops 🙏🏼

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If you're going through a seperation, breakup, grief and want to talk, PM me, would love to listen to you. Know that you're not alone and you're meant to feel as a humanbeing 💙

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Loads of love to you 💚

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