feeling safe

๐ŸŒพ I WANT TO SURRENDER ๐ŸŒพย 

i want to surrender.jpg

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Following similar theme to yesterday's post, this might be taboo for some. I'm going to share something very personal but also very important to me. Surrender during lovemaking ๐Ÿ’—

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Surrender is the hardest thing I find in life. Surrendering to life, to my partner, to myself. That's why I love talking and writing about it. I'm constantly coming back to it, feeling more and more scared and vulnerable each time, surrendering more and more.

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I'm used to being on my own, not needing anyone. When you're in that space, surrender becomes a struggle. It can even feel like a weakness. It can feel hard to let someone in and show all parts of you.

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If your default mode is more masculine, you might want to control the outcome to make yourself feel safe. When you let go of the need to control, it can feel uneasy, unsafe. It can feel like your whole world is turning upside down because you never found out what on the other side of control is.

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This reflects in your lovemaking as well. You might not be able to get out of your head to feel and enjoy the sensations in your body. You might struggle to let go of the need to control and drop your guard which stop you from having orgasms. I used to be this woman. I didn't allowed myself to surrender and feel fully. As a result, I never had vaginal/g-spot orgasms up until few months ago.

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Few months ago, Aaron and I did this beautiful process allowing me to surrender fully to him. He asked me, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?'. I said, 'You can put your hand on my heart and tell me I'm safe.' He did that. Then he asked me, 'How safe do you feel? 1 to 10, 10 being the safest.' I said, '7'. He asked again, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' I said, 'You can tell me you love me.' He did. This went on and after a while I had 5 vaginal orgasms back to back. I cried, laughed, cried, laughed, surrendered more and more.

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I'm writing this because I know there are women out there feeling like there's something wrong with their bodies, so I want to let them know, you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you or your body. It's all about creating a space where you feel safe to surrender and feel. You feel everything when you surrender. You're meant to feel all emotions when you make love. Its the fear of feeling that we're scared of, not the feeling itself. You feel deeply and you let it go. Now, you're free โœจ

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If you're a woman:

- Get him to ask you, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' 

- Then they can ask you, 'How safe do you feel?' answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, let him ask you these questions few times. And just observe how you let go and surrender more and more. You might cry, feel sadness, grief or joy, ecstasy, let everything come to you. You're meant to feel all emotions while you make love.

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If you're a man:

- Ask her, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' It could be putting your hand on her heart, letting her know its safe, caressing her face etc.

- Then you can ask, 'How safe do you feel?' get your partner to answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, ask these questions few times. And just observe how they let go and surrender more. They might cry, hold them in that emotion, you don't have to make the emotion go away, be present and let them know all emotions are welcome here. This can be a huge thing for her..

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You can swap roles around and as a man you can experience how it feels to surrender as well, its a beautiful thing partners can do for each other. For me, it was words, I needed to hear that I was safe, for you it can be that or something different. There are many ways out there to guide you back to surrender, this is one simple way Aaron and I made up that worked for us. I respect and honour what works for you too โค๏ธ

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How do you feel about surrendering? What are the ways you found that help you surrender more? Would love to hear, message me if you don't want to share publicly ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

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Feel free to share if you feel this might help someone you know โœจ

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Loads of love to you โค๏ธ

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(Artist: Ines Honfi)