🔻 COMPLETING 2018 🔻

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Every year I do a full on completion that takes me 2-3 hours of going through my calendar, journals, photos of the year.

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It is important to reflect to see how far you came. If there’s not much progress, that’s great. It’s good to acknowledge where you’re at, so you can let it go and move forward. 

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There is no comparison, everyone is different. There is no new year police either, you can take your time and do it during January too, or whenever you want. Do it on the Persian new year if you like 😃

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Here’s mine ✨

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This year, I love who I became. I learnt to love her. I have things to improve on, for sure. But I’m enjoying being a learner, being open, so I can grow.

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I’ve gone into the depths of my darkness this year to an extent I’ve never been before. It felt neverending, excrutiating and painful. I was never depressed growing up as I developed this “bubbly” personality to be friends with people, only to realise I’ve never allowed myself to feel sad or angry.

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The breakups Aaron Le Conte and I went through, my dad and nan passing away were catalysts for me to feel those supressed emotions. It was a full permission to go into parts I didn’t love and accept about myself. I came to accept that I get my energy from being on my own. I love people so much, but I am at my best when I have a lot of alone time. While I was with Aaron, I abandoned this part of me. I spent a lot of time with him and friends which was incredible. Towards the end of the year, I started to come back to myself, finding out again what I love, who I am, what I want to do. Moving to live on my own was the beginning for that. I felt uncomfortable being on my own in the beginning without any distractions, now I’m falling in love with it. 

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I will be on an ongoing journey of discovering myself as I change all the time but I can honestly say I’ve never been clearer in what I want to create in my life. Knowing this is freedom for me. And it came from spending a lot of time on my own and being honest with myself.

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Aaron and I broke up and got back together four times. Every time, we tried to make it work and in the end we accepted the fact that we’re not right for each other. Going through months of breaking up and trying to make it work while running a business was hard, I’m not gonna lie. But it taught me to show up no matter what and I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

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I started creating sacred spaces for myself, lighting candles, running a bath, putting fairy lights on, ambient chill music and just be. With no agenda, nothing to do. It was one of the things I found my most challenging and also most rewarding, to sit with myself, with all of me, with no distractions. It helped me to surrender to my emotions and process grief.

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I connected with my body deeper. I stopped using make up, wearing bras, started using natural hair products and I got my coil (iud) out. Three things I’m so proud I did. It took a lot of letting go of old conditioning and fears and my body instantly thanked me for them.

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I put my polyamory/open relationship explorations to an end. I’ve been on this journey on and off for three years. I came to the point of realising with relief, I love going deep with one man, in complete surrender and intimacy loving all of each other.

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I learnt to not put my sense of purpose in a relationship. My nature is naturally masculine, I need to create, put something out in the world which is often my writing, sessions, workshops and will be books eventually. That is my primary focus for a good while and I’m ok with that. I grew up with this fairy tale that I should always have a man in my life. I am open to that but my foundation is always will be me and what I offer. I don’t have shame around it anymore, I don’t feel too masculine or anal about it. I love it because this is me, this is what brings me alive. 

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I started to deeply appreciate the time I have with my friends and family. I’ve never been a big fan of quality time, but this year I fell in love with it. I am surrounded with so many beautiful women that held me and listened to me this year through my hard times, so grateful for every single one of them. 

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Last holiday I had with my parents this summer before my dad passed away was the best one we had, most connected I felt to both of them, especially dad before he passed away. The last conversation we had on the phone was me coaching him on something which I never did before. It was a pleasure to do that for my own dad. It’s been only three months since he passed away but after processing the initial intense grief, I’m seeing more and more when he died, he took my need for male validation with him. He freed me from it.

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This past year, a lot of introspection, healing and growth happened. I welcomed grief with open arms, got frustrated in the beginning as it didn’t fit in my schedule. I quickly realised feeling it fully whenever it showed up, helped me move through it.

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I softened a lot, became more embodied. I used to believe these were not really measurable, they didn’t give you tangible results so it meant you didn’t progress. I saw that, that is when you progress the most. You go further by slowing down. Recovery, rest, reflection is as important as taking action. It’s a dance between hard work and rest, a wave in the ocean that goes in and then out that creates beauty.

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As I was going through my calendar, I realised I did a lot of things too actually:

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- I gave 24 workshops, co-hosted my first women’s retreat.

- I gave 212 coaching and breathwork sessions.

- I moved to live on my own.

- I started eating regularly, doing yoga every day and going to 5rhythms regularly.

- I wrote 20k words to my book “The Sacred Space”

- I saw writers I love such as Julia Cameron, Elizabeth Gilbert and Gabrielle Bernstein.

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Below are some questions for you to reflect on your past year. All you need is pen, paper and your honest heart. Go through your calendar. Write down significant events. This will help you give some perspective about what actually happened. Here are the questions:

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1. If your 2018 was made into a movie, what would it be called?

2. A word defines 2018 the best for you.

3. The biggest lesson you learnt?

4. The biggest surprise of the year?

5. The wisest decision you made?

6. The biggest thing you completed?

7. What are you most proud of?

8. 3 people you influenced the most?

9. 3 people influenced you the most?

10. The best thing you have discovered about yourself?

11. What are you most grateful for?

12. What were the most memorable moments? What made them memorable?

13. Your 3 greatest accomplishments?

14. Who or what helped you achieve those accomplisments?

15. Your 3 biggest challenges you overcame?

16. Who or what helped you overcome those challenges?

17. What did those challenges teach you?

18. Anything you need to forgive from 2018? Maybe yourself? Write them down even if you don’t feel like forgiving.

19. Is there anything you need to let go before starting the new year?

20. Any last words to 2018? Anyone you want to say goodbye to?

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If you want to reflect deeper on 2018, forgive anything you need to forgive, let go of anything you need to let go of and want to get clear of what you want in 2019, I’m offering a one-off 1-1 session with me during January. 

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It is on offer for - £120 - 2-2,5 hours.

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It will be a powerful ending and a clear beginning. If you’re interested, message me ❤️

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Happy new year! 😍

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