free love

✨💛 UNCONDITIONAL LOVE SETS YOU FREE 💛✨

unconditional love.jpg

Unconditional love is loving with freedom.

.

It is loving without conditions. Rather than saying “I’m only going to love if you ...”, loving with freedom says, “I’m going to love you either way.” In doing so, you’re actually loving all parts of you as well, without conditions.

.

It’s about letting the other person be themselves in all their quirks and everything that makes them who they are rather than shutting them down.

.

It’s about not taking each other for granted. You don’t have to be in an open relationship or be polyamorous. Even when you’re in a closed relationship, it’s about setting each other free every day and being grateful for keep choosing each other.

.

So how do you love with freedom?

.

You don’t expect the other person to resolve your unmet needs as a child. You love them for the sake of sharing love.

.

Expecting someone you just met to make up for all the times you felt not good enough, unloved or abandoned is not fair on both of you.

.

Go into all your wounds and comfort that little girl or boy in you. Give her the love she wish she received from her dad. Give him the love he wish he received from his mum. Then with your partner, you can come back to love.

.

It’s never about them. They’re triggering in you for example how your mum made you feel unloved by being cold and distant or how your dad made you feel not good enough by never showing you how proud he was of you. It’s always your mum and dad playing out, not the person infront of you. It’s not personal.

.

I love this quote by Thich Nhat Hanh (will never know how to pronounce that):

.

“Love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

My friend told me the other day, “I feel like I don’t need to filter anything with you. I can be completely transparent, completely myself. I feel free.” For me, that’s an honour to know that when someone I love hangs out with me, they feel like they’re hanging out with themselves.

.

My default mode in relationships is controlling, not gonna lie. When I’m triggered or feel like I’m under threat, I try to control. So I know what it feels like to attempt to create safety by controlling, doesn’t work 😂 I’m grateful for coming to a place where I can say, “I can love freely now.”

.

If you resonate with the need to create safety by controlling, create that safety within yourself first. Hold yourself and give yourself what you want your partner to give you. Ask each other how you can support one another to feel safe. Ask each other how you feel loved and what your needs are.

.

Same applies to all relationships with your family, friends, collegues etc, not just in intimate relationships. Love in a way that you want what’s best for them, not what’s in your benefit. Half of my closest friends live in different continents right now. I miss them of course, but I’m so happy for them for following their truth. That’s what love does, it chooses what’s in the highest not what will be more beneficial to you.

.

Here are some steps to come back to loving with freedom:

- Close your eyes

- Take a deep breath in.

- Notice how you’re feeling. What’s the emotion? Is it sadness, anxiety, fear etc?

- In that scenario, what are you believing about yourself?

- When was the earliest time you felt this?

- Let that scenario unfold. (For example - you’re 3 and your mum and dad are arguing.

- Imagine standing infront of them and tell them out loud what you wish you said at the time.

- Imagine seeing the scenario from a higher perspective now, see for what it is. See their pain. Why did they act the way they did?

- Can you forgive them for that? If you do, tell them.

- Give them a hug. (If you feel like it)

- Let that go. Bring your awareness to the situation you have today.

- Now knowing you’re whole and complete as you, ask “What would be in the highest?”

- Act on that.

.

When you feel whole within yourself, you don’t have expectations from one another. You don’t want them to do anything or be anything. You love and appreciate them for who they are. You don’t need anything from them. They can meet you or not meet you, you’re happy either way. That’s freedom.

.

Most importantly, be ok with being on your own. This is one of the most important thing you can learn. Find what makes you happy outside of the relationship. Don’t base all our happiness into the relationship so you feel happy either way. When you feel that fulfillment, the most freedom seeking soul wants to stay anyway. But don’t fake your fulfillment to manipulate them to stay obviously 😂

.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this lovelies ❤️ Feel free to message me or comment below 👇🏼💫

.

Love you 💛