❤️ MY DAD’S FUNERAL ❤️

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A week ago today, my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. 

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I was camping Saturday when my mum called me to say dad had a heart attack. He was in emergency and not responding. 

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It’s a weird feeling to hear something like that. I never had any situation like that in my life. I was in disbelief, sadness, anger, frustration, loss all at the same time. 12 hours after that he passed away.

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On Sunday, I flew to Istanbul. The next day was the day the funeral was happening. In Turkey, the funeral is 1-2 days after the person dies. It’s all a bit intense to have everything happen in 2 days but it also helps you accept and come to terms sooner. Everything that happened that day I experienced for the first time and it’s a day with a full on itinerary.

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Monday morning, mum and I picked up my aunt and went to the cemetery where they wash bodies before burying them. My uncle came over with two family friends. We waited there while my dad was being washed. While we waited, I ran into a guy from my primary school, he lost his nan the day before. It was a funny conversation to have asking each other, “My nan passed away. How about you?”. But even in those moments you can find humour.

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I wanted to see my dad’s body to say goodbye and to accept that he’s not here anymore rather than thinking he’s here and we’re just not talking to each other. It was lovely, he looked like a baby, super peaceful. Then they wrapped him up, put him in a box covered with prayers in Arabic (irony is dad was deist) to be transferred to a mosque for the afternoon prayers and the funeral.

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That day I saw that you can cry and laugh at the same time. There were moments at the funeral where I laughed then cried. Some of the conversations I had there had a half cocktail half funeral vibe to it. 

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People I haven’t seen for 10 years were there, people I wanted to see each time I went back but didn’t have time, dad’s friends from high school, aunt’s friend from her Sedef Island community, my mum’s friends, my primary and high school friends... 

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They were all saying in one way or another, dad was a gentlemen, kind, loving and supporting. It was like one of those guided meditations you see yourself in the end of your life to make you realise the impact you had on other people.

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Then we all went to the cemetery for the burial. Few men, his friends carried the box. It was a beautiful moment to watch, like a brotherhood, men which dad loved were carrying him for the last time. 

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When the soil was being dug up and closed back after the burial, there was a beautiful orange/brown butterfly flying around the whole time. It landed on the orange flowers for a long time which were from me then went onto the purple ones which were from mum. When the digging was finished, it rained for a bit. My aunt, mum and I stood infront of where dad’s body was buried for a while when this photo was taken.

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Then few of us went to have dinner and celebrated dad’s life 🥂

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I said hi, kissed, handshook or hugged nearly 200 people that day. It felt like everyone was holding us through our grief.

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I learnt so much already in this week.

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People are generally not comfortable about talking about death. Some of my friends I thought would be there dissapeared and some I haven’t spoken to in years got in touch and were there for me.

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Sooner or later you will experience sadness, loss or grief in one way or another. You can’t escape from it. It’s part of life.

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People often take life for granted. When my mum told me dad died, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me but also a sense of urgency. I really don’t have time to waste here. Whatever I want to do I don’t have all the time on the planet really. It is sad to lose him but it also reminds me to live. To say the things I want to say and to create the things I want to create.

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One of my friends messaged me in tears telling me how my dad and his comments on my posts had an impact on her even when not having met him. She was scared to do something that day and she remembered Wayne Dyer’s quote, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” and she did that thing she was scared to do.

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I received so many beautiful loving and supportive messages. So many people seeing my dad, how much dad and I loved each other and how he supported me in what I do. 

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Thank you for all your messages, calls, prayers and blessings 💛✨

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There isn’t a good time to loose for mum or dad, but it couldn’t have been a better timing really. A week after spending a week with mum and dad in Bodrum, going out, having dinners, being silly together, hearing about dad’s childhood and life, realising we have a lot more common than I thought we had, accepting who he is despite the things he did or didn’t do as a dad and loving him as he is because he’s my dad. In a way it was a beautiful completion.

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I learnt that the way to flow with life is not to resist it. To welcome anything that is coming your way even when it doesn’t go to plan. Especially when it doesn’t go to plan. So you can accept, feel fully and continue with life. 

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Grief is not a process where you can just block out 2 weeks of your life and process it all and move on. It comes and goes in waves. I’m so grateful for the breakup I had with Aaron few months ago, without that I’d be in shatters today. I wouldn’t know how to process this.

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I realised through this process there are so many people who lost their loved ones. So many of them shared with me their experience of loss and how time helped. It showed me you can connect with people not just through joy but from sadness and loss as well.

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If you’re one of them, sending you and your loved ones loads of love 🌹

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Love you all 🎈

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