Relationships

Today my man and I have been together for 1 year! 😍❀️

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One year of adventures, diving into each other's dreams, fears, triggers.. Going to new levels of love, growth and intimacy over and over again..
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I feel very grateful we're at this point. We might look like we have the perfect relationship from the outside. But its not perfect obviously. No relationship is what it looks like from the outside. We created this beautiful connection and love we share but it didn't happen overnight magically.
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We constantly push each other to grow together. Intimate relationships are such a huge mirror, it brings up all parts of you, especially the parts you don't want to see. And I'm so grateful in those moments one of us didn't go, that's it I had enough, its over πŸ˜ƒ Funnily enough these are the moments that brought us closer too.
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Last night we went through these questions and spent an hour looking back at what we created together in the past year ✨ 
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These are great questions Aaron made up. They help you see parts of your relationships you haven't noticed before and acknowledge more of what you have. Having these conversations stops you from taking the other person for granted as well. 
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Here are the fabulous questions πŸ’πŸ½βœ¨
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1. What is your favourite memory of your first year together?
2. What is the most magical moment of the last year?
3.List your 5 favourite things about you as a couple
4. List your 5 favourite things about the other person
5. Has anything surprised you about your relationship?
6. What’s been the hardest thing that you’ve gone through?
7. What has brought you closer together so far?
8. When do you feel most loved?
9. What would you like more of in your relationship?
10. What would you like less of in your relationship?
11. What have you learnt this year in your relationship?
12. What would you like to unfold in your relationship over the next year?
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You can even prepare a whole evening around going through these questions with your partner to connect deeper ❀️ Have fun! πŸ˜‰
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Loads of love to you all πŸ’›

πŸ’› BOUNDARIES: SAYING YES πŸ’›

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The other day, I posted about saying no, today's about saying yes ☺️

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If you haven't read it, you can read it in my previous post ⭐️

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So boundary is a choice you make about what you feel ok and not ok with.

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And how do you know when a yes is a true yes?

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You see people go, 'just go for it', sometimes its a real no. Sometimes not doing is true. And sometimes going for it is the true choice.

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You might be scared of saying yes, to be in the unknown. You might not want to commit fearing it might take your freedom away from you. You might not trust that things are going to work out. Or you might feel like if you want something you won't get it. So simply not wanting it will keep you safe and ok.

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The truth is you can have everything you desire. If you don't have it by now, doesn't mean you'll never have it. Own what you want, ask for it. It puts you in a vulnerable place, because you're asking for what you desire. You're risking yourself to get hurt.

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But you're also opening your heart to receive what you truly want. You can't receive if you're not open. And even if you don't get it, accept it didn't happen, let go of any meaning you make about yourself and go for it again without scaling down what you want ✨

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Follow these steps to find out what a real yes feels in your body:

- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.

- Repeat in your mind, 'My name is ...(your name).' 

- Repeat in your mind, 'Yes'

- Notice how that feels in your body. Where do you feel the yes in your body?

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When you do this you'll get a yes as a feeling, visual, hearing or just a knowingness. Know that that's how your yes feels like. Next time you say yes you'll know if its true or not.

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When do you struggle to say yes? When do you absolutely know when something is a hell yes for you? 

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Would love to hear ✨

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Loads of love to you πŸ’›

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πŸ’›Β BOUNDARIES: SAYING NO πŸ’›

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What are boundaries? 

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They are choices you make about what you feel ok and not ok with.
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These can feel like non existent for you. You might feel like you never explored boundaries. In some cultures, it can even be considered disrespectful to have boundaries, to say no, but they're actually super healthy agreements you have with people to respect and love one another.
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You might have had an experience where you said yes when really you wanted to say no. Maybe you felt guilty about saying no, maybe you felt that's what you should say to get love.
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Each time you say yes but you actually want to say no, you're abandoning your body. You start loosing trust in yourself and in your own intuition.
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You don't have to take on people's fear and worries when they are accusing you, so that the conflict will be over. You can say no.
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You don't have to have sex when you don't feel like it, so that the argument will be over and you can go to bed. You can say no.
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You don't have to drink at the bar when you don't want, so that everyone else who is drinking won't judge you. You can say no.
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The problem is the guilt that comes up, when you say no. Stay with the guilt, feel it. Then ask what you need and prioritise your needs before others. This can feel selfish but actually it benefits everyone in the long run.
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Saying no is a loving thing to do for the other person too. Then they can trust you that you will speak your truth instead of resenting them. You can always choose not to have what you don't want. You don't have to justify yourself either. And at any point, you can also change your mind.
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Follow these steps to find out what a real yes and a real no feels in your body:
- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath in.
- Repeat in your mind, 'My name is ...(someone else's name).'
- Repeat in your mind, 'No'
- Notice how the no feels in your body. Where do you feel it in your body?
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This is your real, authentic no. Start noticing how you feel when you say no in your daily life. If its a maybe, take that as a no for now and then explore it again πŸ˜‰
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When do you struggle to say no? When do you absolutely know when something is a no for you?
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Share below if you're drawn to or private message me if you don't want to share publicly, would love to hear. You can also say no and choose not to πŸ˜ƒ
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Loads of love to you πŸ’›
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✨ MAGICLAND ✨

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Only few more days until my love is back from India.. I've been meaning to share this story that happened 10 months ago so here it is πŸ™πŸΌ

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One evening in January, Aaron and I went to Richmond Park in this freezing cold. We arrived quite late, it was already getting dark. Not many people were there really. We walked up to one of the buildings where they do events, weddings etc. 

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We went in to find out what was happening in there. We saw this sign saying there was a wedding happening, so we went upstairs to see it ☺️

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It was a wedding for literally 30 people! Super small. We're wearing sneakers, jeans, jumpers btw while everyone is super dressed up πŸ˜ƒ

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As we were standing there, I noticed this room where people were dancing. I said, 'Let's go in!'. Aaron got really scared and was insisting no. He was scared that someone was going to tell him off. We're pretty good at pushing each other to grow (while knowing our boundaries). Usually what I'm scared of, Aaron's not and what he's scared of, I'm not. So it works great.

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I have no problem with breaking the rules as that's what I always did anyway and I rarely get told off lol. I went in, then he came in too. We danced there to Abba, Dancing Queen πŸ’–

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We left the room after our little dance. Aaron was a bit surprised seeing no one told us off and the fact that he did it anyway despite the fear 😍

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There was another room where they were serving some food. I said, 'No, that'll be too much.' Aaron asked, 'What would be too much?', smiling. It was my turn to go into my fear πŸ˜‰

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After some resistance I had, we went into the room. I stood there nervous, anxious. It was this belief I had back then was playing out, I can't have what I want especially if its for free.

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During this whole time, no one has spoken to us btw, no one even looked at us. It's as if we were in this virtual reality hanging out in a bubble clearing our beliefs in turns.

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Right then, this waiter came up to me and said, 'Please help yourselves.' I was in shock receiving this clear message from the universe.. 

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I'm crying at this point. I thanked him, we approached the table. There was a man infront of me, he said the exact same thing and gave me his turn. I was like, 'Ok, OK, I got the message. I will eat food at this wedding we just crashed!' πŸ˜‚

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I grabbed some food, half crying half eating it. Seeing what just happened, feeling this thing I know for a 'fact' to be crushed within minutes.. Aaron is watching me lovingly the whole time btw.

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Someone said, 'Group photo!'. We laughed, it was a cherry on top of the cake.. 

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We got in that photo obviously πŸ˜ƒ The bride and the groom came in. Only then a guy looked at us wondering who the hell we were. After the photo was taken, we ran out quickly πŸ™ˆ

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We stood outside taking in what just happened.. It was all within an hour. As we looked back at the building we realised the gates were closed. As if it was telling us, 'Your mission here is complete' πŸ˜‰ We put that memory in our heart πŸ™πŸΌ

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This was only a month after we met each other.. It was one of the few magiclands we've been into, pushing each other to face our beliefs to release them. We won't be told off and we can have what we want even for free.. So can you πŸ’–

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Here's to Sonia and Frank, may you have a beautiful life together 😍

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Lots of love to you! 

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Have a gorgeous week ahead πŸ’™βœ¨ 

Being apart for another 3 weeks..

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Aaron is leaving for India this time. When we were at the airport it felt like we grew so much since the last time he was about to leave..

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There was another couple there, crying their eyes out. After saying bye to my love, I watched them a bit. The guy literally surrendered to the woman in tears, sobbing.
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I felt at ease. I feel this way when I see a man being vulnerable. When he drops how he 'should' be as a 'man' and he's just himself. When he says, 'I'm scared and have no idea what is going to happen.' I feel so much safer and can trust him more because he's not pretending.
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I wanted to speak to the woman. After the guy left, she walked away from me. I went, 'oh well', letting it go. I went to grab something to eat, looked at my right side and there she was. I said to her, 'I just said goodbye to my boyfriend as well.' She smiled, turns out her boyfriend was going away for 2 months. We exchanged few words, she was way too raw I felt like, so I let her be. I went on the tube, reading my book 'The Prosperous Coach' (best book I read so far about coaching btw)
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It came to me, behind all our personalities, roles, how we present ourselves, we are all human. And it's ok, you don't have to know what's unfolding. You don't have to have it all together. No one has anyway, even when they look like they have πŸ˜ƒ
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Have an amazing week! πŸ™ŒπŸΌ
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Love you ❀️
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βšͺ️ ❀️ SOVEREIGNTY & LOVE ❀️ βšͺ️

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This has been the main theme in my life in the last 2 weeks, so time to write about it πŸ™πŸΌ

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What does it mean, to be sovereign?
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It's being whole and complete within yourself, being in your power and not needing something external to complete you or make you feel good. Its being your own lover, treating your body like it belongs to someone you love. Its not needing that person to love you because you feel that love towards yourself anyway.
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When you're sovereign, you love someone for who they are, not because they fix the incompleteness in you or they fulfill how you want to be.
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You don't need that person, but you want them. You want to connect and share intimacy with them just because of that, no other motives. Rather than saying 'I choose you because you complete me', its freedom to say 'I choose you because I love you'.
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You're able to love all parts of them. Because it doesn't threaten you anymore. Its doesn't mean anything about you and it doesn't trigger your incompleteness anymore. Because now you're whole. This is the shift from dependancy to sovereignty, two complete people coming together ✨
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Also there's a fine line between being sovereign and being super independant where you can create distance, push people away and go one man band. So just watch out for that πŸ˜ƒ
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There is a beautiful Osho card, 'The Creator', my favourite one.. It says, there are two types of creators in the world: one type of creator works with objects - a poet, a painter etc. The other type of creator works on himself. He doesn't work with objects, he works on his own being. He makes himself into a masterpiece.
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It's about dropping the idea of becoming someone and surrendering to who you are, because you already are a masterpiece. Then you know yourself and you know you have everything you need..
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When you feel like you need to get something from someone, follow these steps to come back to your sovereignty:
- Notice how you feel, name how you feel.
- Notice what it means about you if you don't get that thing.
- Notice what that need is telling you to do.
- Close your eyes, take in a deep breath and imagine you're empty in pure bliss and presence.
- Ask 'What's the truth?' and allow anything to come up.
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The more you make this shift, the more it'll become an effortless habit where you just naturally in love and freedom..
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Let me know your thoughts below β˜ΊοΈπŸ’›
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Loads of love! πŸ’ž
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πŸ’š 5 LOVE LANGUAGES πŸ’š

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This keeps coming up for me, people are asking me about their relationships. As they do I'm mentioning 5 love languages more and more. So here is how you can use this simple tool to create more intimacy and love in all your relationships.

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5 love languages are 5 ways we feel loved: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service.
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You and your partner's love language might not be the same and doesn't have to be the same. As long as you're aware of both your love languages, you're good.
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So what are they exactly?
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Physical touch is kissing, hugging, a loving stroke on arm, cheek, back rubbing, massage, sexual intimacy, love making etc πŸ™ŒπŸΌ
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Words of affirmation is expressing your love through words. Giving compliments, writing poems, appreciating through written or spoken expression ❀️
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Quality time is spending time together being fully present with no phone, going on adventures together, sharing experiences together πŸ’‘
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Gifts are giving gifts, pretty obvious πŸŽπŸ˜ƒ
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Acts of service is doing things for your partner like cooking for them, cleaning their room for them, hanging some pictures on the wall, taking the bin out etc. Showing your love through your acts πŸ›
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Love languages are formed by how you were treated when you were younger. Maybe you were hugged loads by your parents so you want the same from your partner. Or you weren't hugged at all and you want hugs from your partner.
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They might change over time as well depending on your life circumstances, for example when you go through hard times, service might become more important for you as someone doing something for you will lift the weight off your shoulders..
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How can you use this?
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First find out yours through here:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
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Mine is in this order: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service 😍
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Then you can make a game out of it and ask your loved one:
- Do you feel more loved when you receive a hug or a gift?
- Do you feel more loved when someone cooks for you or gives you a compliment?
- Do you feel more loved when someone rubs your back or spend the whole afternoon with you?
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You get the point πŸ˜‰ Or just follow the questions on the website with your partner, friend, children, family etc.
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Great conversation to have on dates too πŸ˜‰
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When you do this you can truly make your loved one feel loved and vice versa, massive life saver..
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What makes you feel loved? Comment below top three ways you feel loved πŸ‘‡πŸΌπŸ’ž
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Much love to you πŸ’š
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πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘¦ TRIGGERS IN FAMILY:Β MASTER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘¦

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Your parents are the people that will trigger you the most, at times even more than your partner.

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I was chatting to a friend the other day. He was telling me how he went on a holiday with his family and now he needs another holiday, an actual one where he can relax πŸ˜ƒ

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This is so real.. You go to see your parents for Christmas, holiday or whatever and that gathering becomes hell.. Everyone's Egos flying all over the place, people getting annoyed, old deep wounds coming up to surface.. You leave the holiday feeling worse than how you felt in the beginning πŸ˜‚

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It's so easy for your parents to trigger you, annoy you. The reason for this is they're the people you know the oldest. There are so many memories between you, pain, love, joy, happiness, hurt, anger, guilt, even emotional, sexual or physical abuse at times. So when you get triggered you're not just triggered for that moment, you're triggered for the sum of all those moments, for all these unresolved issues coming up.

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Also they are great mirrors. You inherited so many unconscious behaviours, patterns, habits from your parents because you saw them doing it as you were growing up. So you absorbed them like a sponge. Now as a grown up, when your unconscious defense mechanisms are reflected back at you by your parents, you feel angry and annoyed.. 

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In an argument with your family, your Ego will get triggered because its an unsafe situation. There's danger so you go into a survival mode by seeing the other person as the enemy. 

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But you're more than that. You're not just your Ego. You have your higher self, your true self. This is fully you, this is the real part of you that sees the situations as they are rather than attaching a story to it. 

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You can see those trigger moments as opportunities for you to grow. Your parents are showing you areas you need to work on.. Patterns that you have are being reflected to you so you can change them. Rather than figuring out those patterns on your own, you have someone to show you. How wonderful is that..

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In one of Tony Robbins videos, he was saying that its easy to meditate all day and grow on your own. Try being with the person you love 24/7, that's real growth πŸ˜‰ You don't necessarily need that person, but through your parents or partner you see all those areas you need to work on much quicker than you'd see on your own.. 

Your parents are as human as you are, they have their vulnerabilities, mistakes, regrets, weaknesses etc. When you see them as humans, you understand them, you forgive them and you see them for who they are. 

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And you don't have your parents for long. Some of you don't have them with you anymore. Feel the love you have for them and connect with them as much as you can. Then you actually enjoy the time you have with them rather than dreading it.

Find out what their love language is. How you want to be loved might not be the same way they want to be loved. Maybe your mum loves a hug rather than receiving a gift. You can find out yours from this link, then your parents'. You can even make a game out of it and do it together 😍 

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I'll write another post about love languages but here is the link until then: 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

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Next time you're in an argument with one of your parents, follow these steps:

- Before you do or say anything, take a deep breath. Honestly, don't skip this. Do this throughout the whole thing anyway πŸ˜ƒ

- Notice how you feel.

- Notice how the way you feel is making you do something, like an impulse. It can be shouting, getting physical, hurting that person with word etc. 

- Notice how your parent feels. If its not obvious, ask them, don't assume how they're feeling. (Always focus on how you feel first then the other person, a bit like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first on plane before you put on your child)

- See they're human like you and see their pain in that moment.

- Then imagine you're looking at the situation from above as if your higher self is observing it.

- Ask yourself 'What would my higher self do?', 'What's in the highest in this moment?'

- Do that.

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You, but only you have the power. Just having awareness of what's going on internally and externally will do magic for you, your parents, and eventually for your relationship.. 

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You always have a choice. You can choose to act from Ego or you can choose to act from your higher self. Depending on what result you want to have, its up to you to choose which level you want to operate from.. 

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When you can see you're in your Ego while you're in your Ego, that's the biggest, most helpful tool you can learn in life. Then nothing has power or control over you. 

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Master your relationship with your parents, master all relationships πŸ˜‰

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Loads of love to you ❀️

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(I love Family Guy 😍)

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πŸ’› CONTROL IN RELATIONSHIPS πŸ’›

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When there's control in a relationship, there's no connection, only seperation. 

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The need to control can have many reasons. Maybe you weren't allowed to be yourself as a child. Maybe your boundaries were violated. Maybe you decided you had to control the other person before they control you..

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When you try to control in a relationship, you see yourself seperate from the other person. You see them the enemy rather than your partner. You try to mold them into who you think they should be and what they should do.

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Then the other person gets angry, upset or might even leave because you're not allowing that person to be truly who they are.. 

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You might go into this super independant mode of doing everything on your own, because the other person might slow you down, because they're different, because they're not like you and they won't get you.. So it's better off to do it on your own.

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But the truth is, you're in this together. Once you work with your differences rather than against your differences, things become much easier. Once you let go and surrender, there is more love, intimacy and joy.

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Here's how you can move from control to surrender:

- Notice your immediate reaction of wanting to control when it comes up. Just become aware of it.

- Notice what behaviour the need to control pushing you to do.

- See what might happen if you do that

- Imagining you're empty and free from anything, feel the love you have for this person.

- Then ask, 'What's my next step to come back to this love?'

- Do that πŸ˜‰

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It's actually just a choice in the end of the day. It is choosing either love or seperation. 

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Try this out and see how it goes for yourself. Would love to hear the outcome πŸ™πŸΌ

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In which situations do you find yourself wanting to control? Comment below if you feel drawn to it β˜ΊοΈπŸ’™

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Much love to you! πŸ’›

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