Relationships

🌹 DON’T SAVE PEOPLE, LOVE THEM 🌹

Saving someone strips them out of their power. The intention behind it could be geniune but the person might not be wanting to be saved. Maybe they just wanted to be heard and loved.

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Loving someone instead of saving them could be being there for them, listening to them. It’s not about trying to make things better for them, it’s accepting and meeting them where they’re at and simply asking, “What can I do to support you?” Then trusting they will tell you what they need. If they don’t know what they need, you can support them in finding that but you can’t find that for them.
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When people face a challenge they also have the ability to create resources. Even if you know from afar that they’re messing up, let them mess up. They need to go through that to learn the valuable lesson 🙏🏼
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This is not only overcrossing people’s boundaries but also assuming you know what’s best for them better than them. You might also have a part of you that feels worthy and significant when you save someone. In that case, you’re taking from that person rather than giving.
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If you tend to save others ✨ You can let them know you’re there for them, you love them trusting they will ask for help if they need ❤️
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If you tend to expect to be saved ✨ Know that you’re a powerful being. You can go through the challenge you’re facing. You can speak your truth, set boundary, whatever you need to do. And you can ask for help ❤️
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Loads of love to you 😍
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❤️ 4 THINGS TO REMEMBER IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS ❤️

✨When someone rejects you, it doesn’t mean anything about you ✨

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When someone doesn’t want to be with you, it can be almost automatic to take it personally. You might feel abandoned, unloved, unworthy or insignificant. You might question yourself as if there is something wrong with you or you might loose your confidence. You might even change yourself to fit into the criterias of that person so they don’t leave you.

When you’re being yourself and someone rejects you, that is actually a good thing. It shows that you’re not right for each other. When you’re being yourself and that person wants to be with you, that’s beautiful. You win either way. 

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The truth is, there is someone for you out there who will love you for who you are. You don’t have to change yourself and be less of who you are for someone. Ever 😍

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✨When you compare yourself with others, you forget who you are ✨

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When you compare yourself with others, you’re taking something external as a reference point and you loose your centre, you give your power away. 

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Especially on social media when you look at other people’s lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. You don’t know the whole story of what’s going on for them. No one’s life is perfect. Even if they tell you they don’t have any issues, that’s not true. They’re either playing it small, not being honest with themselves or haven’t gone deeper into their wounds.

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Write a list of 20 things you love about yourself, it could be about how you look, your character, anything. 20 things that makes you, you ❤️ Next time you catch yourself comparing with others, you can bring your focus back to what you love about yourself.

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✨ You can ask for what you want and have it ✨

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You might feel like you can’t ask for what you want not just from your partner but from people around you. It might feel awkward, you might feel you don’t deserve to have it or you might not want to let people in to keep yourself safe as asking for help requires vulnerability.

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A good way to ask for what you want is speak from your heart. Don’t offer a favour first, or tell how tired you are hoping they’ll get the message, that’s manipulation. Ask directly. Be clear and loving. If they say no, that’s ok, again doesn’t mean anything about you. Ask someone else. You’ll be surprised how many people are willing to help you, they just don’t know how. 

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✨ Give yourself what you wants others to give you ✨

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Close your eyes and imagine the 5 year old you infront of you. What does s/he need? What does s/he need to hear from you to feel safe and loved? Tell them that.

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Give your inner child what you want others to give you. This way you meet your own needs and you don’t get upset by others’ actions towards you, especially by your parents’. When the need for them to do something is not there, they naturally give you what you always wanted anyway 😊 This also helps you to focus on your future with ease and flow rather than dwelling on the past.

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Feel free to share if you found this useful 😍

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I work on those areas (relationship & purpose) a lot in 1:1 coaching/clearing sessions. If you want support in mastering these, message me ❤️

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Love you 😘

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💛 END OF A CHAPTER 💛

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It took me 7 months to finally share this post. I was in process of feeling and now I’m in a place where it feels complete and I can share it. So here it goes:

Aaron and I had been together on and off since our initial breakup in February, but two days ago was our final day as a couple.

We initially broke up gradually over 5 weeks back in February. Rather than cutting each other off and being strangers overnight, we held each other through the grief and sadness. After that, Aaron went to Panama to Tribal Gathering, I moved into my own flat and we had a few weeks of not talking to each other. 

After a while, we started to be intimate again. We tried open relationship to polyamory (intimate relationship with more than one person), being lovers to being committed intimate partners to not having any labels. At some point we were friends and seeing other people, at some point we didn’t speak at all. 

Every time we didn’t speak to each other for long periods of time, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

In this process, we became two different people. The relationship energy we had initially was gone and two new people met for the first time. Every time, we went deeper into intimacy and deeper into love.

You need to know yourself and know what you want. If you don’t, you’re going to loose yourself in your relationships. Whether you choose to be non-monogamous or monogamous, you will be carrying the same wound to any form of relating.

Non-monogamy can be a beautiful way to go deeper within yourself to dive into your wounds and shed light on them. It could be a great way to ask for what you want, speak your truth, practice your boundaries or enjoying your sexuality, breaking through the shame and guilt.

Or it could also be a way to avoid commitment, a coping mechanism to feeling not good enough to be your partner’s only lover, feeling unworthy to ask for a closed relationship, fear of missing out or fear of going deep into intimacy, being devoted to one another. 

There were times I got the hang of it and there were times I fucked up. After exploring back and forth, I came to the conclusion that I like monogamy. I love surrendering into one another and creating a sacred space only two people share.

2 days ago, we both saw that this intimate relationship we created, grew and shared together over the last two years was not serving us anymore. Aaron came over to my place and we sat down, instantly we both broke into tears. Without saying a word, we both knew it was the end. It felt unreal but so true. We tried everything but it didn’t work.

It’s easy to break up with someone when you hate each other, but it’s so hard when you have so much love for one another. It’s easy to break up when you just met someone incredible that could be your new partner, but it’s so hard when you haven’t met that person yet, and you both choose being single so it serves you both, no matter how much it hurts.

No matter how much love you put into something, if it’s not right, it’s not going to work. It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

This relationship showed me what I want, what is possible. It showed me the depth, vulnerability and honesty two people can journey into. It showed me I don’t need anything from men anymore, I got it all within me. I can stop searching, now that I see what a relationship could look and feel like. It showed me that my body’s a sacred temple and to not let anyone in who doesn’t deserve to be there.

We had 3 intense breakups and coming back to love each time, to keep surrendering into love through the pain and hurt, to keep choosing love.

Aaron and I will always be in each other’s life. I feel deep sadness, grief, loss combined with my dad’s loss but also relief that we are doing what is true. We are always going to be friends, brother and sister.

I especially want to thank our mutual friend Amanda for seeing us go back and forth and sticking with us through it all and choosing to love us even when she saw when we were not right for each other. I love you so much Amanda and so grateful for you 💛

I want to finish with what Aaron said to me when we made love for the last time. If you’re a woman, receive this as the masculine talking to you ❤️

“Your sexuality is one of your greatest gifts.

You are the most expensive meal on the menu.

You are the diamond that shines the brightest in the store.

You are the greatest gift you can receive at Christmas.

Do not give yourself away cheaply.

The level of love you give, it’s a level people can’t imagine.

Don’t allow a man to enter you without feeling your body.

Make sure the man feels right, deep within you, before you are intimate with him and share your sacred energy

Feel your body, womb and heart.

What do they say?

Don’t give yourself away freely to anybody.”

Feel free to share this if it touched somewhere in your heart ❤️

Love you 💛

My friend Nathalie is here in London!

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One of my closest friends Nathalie went to Croatia a year ago to follow her heart to create a retreat/home holding embodiment retreats. She ended up traveling to Australia, Spain, Texas, Peru and New York after Croatia 😃

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She inspires me with her courage and her determination to cope with the lack of routine 😂 I love routines and having a clean and organised home. I couldn’t do what she did for a year, would probably go crazy. She loves routines too so I admire her for what she’s done.
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She’s staying with me this week then off to Australia to move in with her boyfriend and continue with her projects ❤️
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I want to share how we met and got close as I’m super grateful to have her in my life. So we met 2-3 years ago at ecstatic dancing, started talking about tantra and I added her as ‘Nathalie Tantra’ on my phone, to this day she’s still Nathalie Tantra on my phone and in my life 🙏🏼
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We bumped into each other few times at ecstatic dancing and each time I asked her when she is starting her dance group. I was geniune, she’s really good. She got super uncomfortable each time I asked 😃 Anyway we met up for a coffee one day. I felt a strong pull to ask if she wanted to meetup with me and dance every week (we’re not close by this point) she was a bit shocked but said ‘yes’.
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We started dancing in her kitchen followed by deep conversations and eating on the floor. We laughed, cried, had so much fun, filmed ourselves. Sometimes Adam joined us 🐵 We moved with one another with blindfolds on, learnt to surrender and trust again.
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During this time we both started training as life coaches (Nov 2016) at the same time in Animas Coaching and now here we are, both graduated in a whole new chapter in our lives.
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We went to 5rhythms last night and on Sunday we’re going to picnic gathering our coaching school is organising ✨
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I am grateful to have very few but deep friendships like this one where no matter how far you go without talking for weeks, when you come back together the connection’s always there and deeper.
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Love you Nathalie so much 💛
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💚 I SURRENDER 💚

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It’s been few months since I wrote about Aaron and my seperation. Now I feel to share more about it.

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To give bit of a context, Aaron and I broke up after going through the seperation together for 5 weeks. Then, he went to Panama for 3 weeks where we didn’t communicate at all. He did lots of release while I moved to my own place and had the busiest time in my business giving sessions and workshops. After he came back, we carried on being intimate for another 2 months. When we realised this is not serving us, we seperated for real, a month ago. That was the last time we made love. 10 days ago, he started seeing someone. 

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I was in my Ego for the last few days about him seeing someone. This is us after he was there holding space for me on Sunday when he first told me. I cried straight for 2 days, pretty sure I made some abs from sobbing. At some point I really thought I won’t be able to go through this, it was just all too much, all too soon and all too painful. I don’t want any of this. This is the most amount of pain I felt in my entire life.

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Then the pain started turning into suffering and I started going into the drama of it, how I’m not ready for this, how dare he do this to me, this is not love, it’s been only a month since we were intimate, how could he move on so quick, what is she like etc.

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I did a breathwork on this yesterday, to feel all the emotions fully to let them go, to cry for all the times I didn’t feel loved, crying to release them rather than crying from a place of victimhood, thinking ‘why me’ and ‘this isn’t fair’. In the end, I felt a glimpse of what it would feel like to be free from all this pain. I heard this voice that told me, ‘By the end of this, you’re going to feel the freest, happiest and most empowered you’ve ever felt in your whole life.’ Now that’s a big promise. I asked, ‘Really?’ rolling my internal eyes. It said, ‘Yes, just trust me.’ I smiled.

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It’s the little girl in me that feels she’s not loveable, and it’s that wound coming back to the surface again. Today I told that little girl, ‘There’s so many beautiful experiences infront of you. Keep your heart open. I love you.’

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Aaron and I had the most beautiful year together where we went super deep and grew so much. And we have that, nothing can change the memories or take them away from us. We’ll always have a place in each other’s heart and will always have love for each other. I’ll forever be grateful for him for everything we shared.

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The same love we shared tells Aaron, ‘I love you. I want you to be free. Whatever happiness looks like for you I want you to have it and I’ll be happy for you.’ I can’t be the judge of what his happiness looks or feels like or what moving on looks like for him. I didn’t believe as humans we can have unconditional love, it’s just not possible. What my coach reminded me today was, (thank God I have a coach!) ‘You experience unconditional love from a Soul level, on a human level, yes, you can’t get it, but from a Soul level you can.’ And I felt that for Aaron today 💛

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All of the drama was a distraction for me to avoid my pain. I’m stepping up to a new level in my business so it’s another distraction to not create and to not serve. In every moment, we get to choose which level we want to operate from. I was in my victim place for the last few days. I can’t write or serve from that place, it just doesn’t work because I’m still in it.

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When I was little, I remember realising we’re all going to die one day so I wanted to experience life fully until I die, I wanted the whole spectrum of it. Little did I know what the spectrum was like 😃 

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Today, sitting here, I’m feeling grateful for wishing that. I get to experience life fully, the joy, ecstasy, love, and the grief, sadness, loss. On too of that, I get to guide people through their pain, into their gift, their light, to fulfill why they’re here for.

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In deep pain, I shout through my tears, ‘I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!’

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Surrender is not giving up, it’s letting go of needing to know all the answers and opening yourself up to what’s there for you. I don’t know all the answers. I know that I love giving workshops, sessions and I love writing. And currently I’m grieving. That’s all I know for now.

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I have a part of me that is rigid in many ways. I like knowing what I’m doing, I like controlling the outcome so I feel safe. I’m learning to let go, to surrender a whole lot more. Already I’m feeling that I softened a bit more, I opened up a little bit more, knowing that I can’t control any of this so I surrender to what’s unfolding absolutely having no clue what that is.

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In the midst of all this, I gave a Goddess Circle workshop Monday evening. I took a bath, setting the intention by the end of this bath I’m going to be in a place to serve. I’m going to do the best I can with where I am at in this moment. And I did that. I showed up, I told the ladies, ‘Look, I’m in a lot of grief and sadness at the moment. But I’m here for you and ready to serve you.’ In the end of it, one of the women told me, ‘Thank you for your energy even though you were going through a grief period, you still served and carried us perfectly through the session.’ 🌹

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When I’m in this place of huge learning and growth, it’s not always easy. I look at other people and go, ‘Their life seems to be going pretty smoothly when mine is like a fucking roller coaster.’ Then I remind myself, people don’t always share their experiences or they’re not aware of their pain, especially on social media you see the tip of the iceberg. You see the package that is put together nicely. Take my word for it, everyone has something going on. 

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Another thing is there is no comparison of intensity of the event. You might have an abortion, the love of your life might die, your child you made with love might leave this world (which I can’t even imagine how that feels) but it’s the inherent pain we all have in this human existence that gets triggered. So don’t ever compare your experience to someone else. This experience is what you need right now. You get to choose how you’re going to go through it.

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That was another reason I wanted to share. I commit to being raw, open and real in life, same with my posts. I can’t pretend life is all happy and good when I’m experiencing grief. But also that’s not an excuse to not show up and do what I love.

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You can be in pain, but in joy at the same time. You can feel pure joy and deep sadness at the same time. We’re not black and white, we’re having a human experience which has a whole spectrum I’m just tapping into. 

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Everyone chooses to process their pain differently. I know that if I lock it away in a box and move on, it will come up again in my next relationship. I will carry on dating the same guy in different scenarios. I choose to go into it to heal it as much as I can while it’s present in my life.

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Aaron and I will not be communicating for a month. During this time I will put everything I’ve got into writing my book which is our story. To write through my pain but not through my suffering as that’s a never ending, never serving place.

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That’s the only healthy way I know to release something, to create something beautiful out of it, to put all that energy into a creation so it serves people going through something similar. That’s why I’m here to do, to write my experiences. This experience is a blessing in many ways, there’s a book in it to start with and who knows what else but I’m open to go into it and find out.

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I’m just at the beginning of this, just because I had this realisation, doesn’t mean I’m healed from it but now I have a point of reference, a place I can go back to to remind myself and to surrender. It feels like swimming up to the surface of the water to breathe some air in.

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Feel free to share this if it touches somewhere in your heart 💛

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Loads of love to you all ❤️🌹

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(This is the breathwork I’m doing, the guided journey is at the bottom of the page, it’s called Quantum Light Breath by Jeru Kabbal. It’s great and you feel super held. Give it a go:

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http://yourfriendinspirit.blogspot.com/…/quantum-light-brea…)

🙏🏼 I GAVE A TALK THE OTHER DAY 🙏🏼

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I talked about surrendering to love at LOVEx Talks Sex and Relationships on Tuesday 😍

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Standing up and talking vulnerably and openly infront of 50 people felt like the scariest thing I’ve done in a long time. I’ve been avoiding talking and it was about time.
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I want to tell how this came about as it was a great lesson for me.
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Some of you read my ‘I want to surrender’, the post about lovemaking. Here it is if you haven’t :
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https://www.facebook.com/isik.tlabar/posts/10160031020585300
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3 weeks ago, the organizer of LOVEx Talks Scott, read it and reached out to me saying he loved the way i wrote it, geniune, open and beautiful and would love me to speak at the event.
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So I said yes, I’d love to 😍
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I gave a Goddess Circle workshop the day before so I was focusing on that up until then. When the day came, I was pretty nervous, my thoughts were going in loops and I was forgetting to eat.
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Anyway, the day went by, arrived at the venue, went up there, feeling super nervous. I talked about letting go of the need to control, being vulnerable, surrender in relationships and also in lovemaking.
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It’s easy to sit and watch speakers and judge them but it’s a whole another reality when you go up there yourself. It’s pretty surreal, I can’t even remember what I said. Later on, I found out as I was speaking, a guy outside on the street was playing Imagine by John Lennon. It made me teary, that song literally is the world I want to live in.
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One of the many things that touched me afterwards was that 2 Turkish women came up to me saying, its inspiring to see someone from the same sexually repressed background putting herself out there sharing about these topics. They thanked me, I felt so grateful 😍 (I am Turkish, I grew up in Istanbul then moved to UK when I was 18.)
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A part of me always believed I have to go to networking events, do webinars etc, do all these things to be visible. But actually, I just have to write.
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Writing is my medicine, its how I realise, let go, forgive, feel, grieve, integrate, complete and move on. The bonus side of it is when I share, I find that so many people resonate with them. So when I just write and share, all these magical things come to me as a confirmation of what I’m doing is true. An opportunity to speak, to write in a magazine as a monthly columnist and to collaborate to run a women’s retreat ❤️ (Will share more on the last one soon 😉)
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It took me few days to digest, integrate what happened but I feel like now I adjusted to this new energy. Ready for the next level 😍
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This showed me, once again, always do what’s true and the rest will take care of itself ✨
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Sending you love 💛
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LOVEx Talks ❤️ 

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I’m giving a talk tomorrow at LOVEx events about surrendering to love. Super exciting! 😍❤️ 

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There will be 3 other beautiful speakers. Tickets are SOLD OUT though now, if you’re coming along see you there! ✨

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https://www.facebook.com/events/1406275946140328/?ti=icl

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Loads of love to you ❤️

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💚 DEEPER LAYERS OF LOVE 💚

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This post has been the hardest post I've written to this day taking out words from me with each tear, feeling each pain and each emotion.

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Aaron and I seperated on Monday. It was our last day as a couple. We made the decision to seperate 5 weeks ago realising we've given each other everything we needed at this time, it was time to let go and be on our own for a while.

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Since then we've been allowing ourselves to grieve, to feel and to celebrate what a wonderful and special relationship we created. We held breathwork journeys for each other, spoke about our memories together, had playful and fun time together, soaking up the last moments we have of our relationship. We wanted to do it in a way to honour our love and life together for the past year so we can go into friendship without any heaviness, resentment, sadness or anger.

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I've never had a breakup this way before. It hasn't been easy. It has been a very loving, honouring but also a confronting process requiring us to be honest with ourselves and each other. It's the opposite of cutting each other off, two lovers becoming two strangers within hours after intimate months together, moving on like nothing happened. 

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Rather than holding onto pain for months and years, we've been feeling the pain of letting each other go and releasing as we feel. Rather than crying out on our own or with a friend, we've been crying together. Rather than turning all the love to hate, we've been going deeper into love while transitioning into friendship. As we let go, we find a deeper layer of love underneath the sadness, underneath the resentment and the pain.

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When you're getting to know someone you slowly go into the relationship, this felt like the same thing but on the other side of completing a relationship allowing us to not carry on any trauma to the next phase of our lives.

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Part of me is excited to see what's ahead of me. Part of me is scared that I'll never find such a deep and loving connection ever again. My mind goes, it's insane to have this and let it go, how can there be something even deeper than this? Then my heart says, 'You've already made the hardest decisions in your life, just trust, I got you.' Then I take a step forward into the complete unknown not knowing what's next ✨

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I've been feeling so grateful for the last few days for receiving such supportive and loving feedback about my recent posts telling me I'm brave to tell all of this. I feel like real bravery is willing to go deep within yourself, willing to dig deeper and deeper knowing you might not like what you find but still going until you hit the gold. There's a deep sadness, deep loneliness within me that I discovered recently as I write more. I didn't know it was there before. That's gold for me because that's what makes this post happen.

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I feel grateful to have been with a man with whom I went into the depths of my darkness together. I feel grateful to have been with a man who can see right through me and love all that I am. I feel grateful to have been with a man who stays by my side lovingly even when I try to push him away. 

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This has been a magical, beautiful, transformational year full of growth, deep love, deep intimacy and lots of fun. We were two people who grown into two completely different people. The intensity of shift felt like ten years fitting into one year.

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The last five weeks we've been through together has been a ride, beautiful, loving and honouring. Now its time to journey and grow on our own. Aaron's off to Panama in few hours for three weeks, I'm staying in London focusing on my 1-1 sessions, writing and workshops 🙏🏼

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If you're going through a seperation, breakup, grief and want to talk, PM me, would love to listen to you. Know that you're not alone and you're meant to feel as a humanbeing 💙

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Loads of love to you 💚

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🌾 I WANT TO SURRENDER 🌾 

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Following similar theme to yesterday's post, this might be taboo for some. I'm going to share something very personal but also very important to me. Surrender during lovemaking 💗

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Surrender is the hardest thing I find in life. Surrendering to life, to my partner, to myself. That's why I love talking and writing about it. I'm constantly coming back to it, feeling more and more scared and vulnerable each time, surrendering more and more.

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I'm used to being on my own, not needing anyone. When you're in that space, surrender becomes a struggle. It can even feel like a weakness. It can feel hard to let someone in and show all parts of you.

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If your default mode is more masculine, you might want to control the outcome to make yourself feel safe. When you let go of the need to control, it can feel uneasy, unsafe. It can feel like your whole world is turning upside down because you never found out what on the other side of control is.

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This reflects in your lovemaking as well. You might not be able to get out of your head to feel and enjoy the sensations in your body. You might struggle to let go of the need to control and drop your guard which stop you from having orgasms. I used to be this woman. I didn't allowed myself to surrender and feel fully. As a result, I never had vaginal/g-spot orgasms up until few months ago.

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Few months ago, Aaron and I did this beautiful process allowing me to surrender fully to him. He asked me, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?'. I said, 'You can put your hand on my heart and tell me I'm safe.' He did that. Then he asked me, 'How safe do you feel? 1 to 10, 10 being the safest.' I said, '7'. He asked again, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' I said, 'You can tell me you love me.' He did. This went on and after a while I had 5 vaginal orgasms back to back. I cried, laughed, cried, laughed, surrendered more and more.

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I'm writing this because I know there are women out there feeling like there's something wrong with their bodies, so I want to let them know, you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you or your body. It's all about creating a space where you feel safe to surrender and feel. You feel everything when you surrender. You're meant to feel all emotions when you make love. Its the fear of feeling that we're scared of, not the feeling itself. You feel deeply and you let it go. Now, you're free ✨

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If you're a woman:

- Get him to ask you, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' 

- Then they can ask you, 'How safe do you feel?' answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, let him ask you these questions few times. And just observe how you let go and surrender more and more. You might cry, feel sadness, grief or joy, ecstasy, let everything come to you. You're meant to feel all emotions while you make love.

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If you're a man:

- Ask her, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' It could be putting your hand on her heart, letting her know its safe, caressing her face etc.

- Then you can ask, 'How safe do you feel?' get your partner to answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, ask these questions few times. And just observe how they let go and surrender more. They might cry, hold them in that emotion, you don't have to make the emotion go away, be present and let them know all emotions are welcome here. This can be a huge thing for her..

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You can swap roles around and as a man you can experience how it feels to surrender as well, its a beautiful thing partners can do for each other. For me, it was words, I needed to hear that I was safe, for you it can be that or something different. There are many ways out there to guide you back to surrender, this is one simple way Aaron and I made up that worked for us. I respect and honour what works for you too ❤️

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How do you feel about surrendering? What are the ways you found that help you surrender more? Would love to hear, message me if you don't want to share publicly 🙏🏼

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Feel free to share if you feel this might help someone you know ✨

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Loads of love to you ❤️

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(Artist: Ines Honfi)

Early New Year's celebration with family 😍🎉✨

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Playing backgammon is a well known thing in Turkey and my uncle is really good at it, I found out he was the best in our family tonight. I'm proud to say I won 3-1 despite his verbal demoralisations :)
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I absolutely love board games. I get really competitive in them and usually win ☺️💙 
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Who loves board games? 🎲
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Let's play! I'll still love you even if you win 😃💛
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Wishing you a wonderful last day of 2017 ⭐️✨
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