Unconditional Love

💛 ONE STEP AT A TIME SELF LOVE 💛

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In my previous post about self-love, I wrote about accepting and loving parts of yourself you don’t like. 

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You can read the previous post here 👉🏼 

https://www.facebook.com/595885299/posts/10161244072840300/

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This one’s about the practical things you can do to cultivate self-love ✨

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SET BOUNDARIES 🙅🏽‍♀️ 

If you have people around you constantly needing your energy, only calling you when they are in a bad place but not listening to you when you need them, see if you actually want to be friends with this person. Tell them how you feel, “I’m noticing I’m there for you a lot, but when I need you, I feel like you’re not there for me.” This is your life. When you do so much for others, what are you doing for yourself? Listen to the guilt and say, “Thank you for sharing.” and give yourself what you need without having to earning or deserving it. You deserve it anyway without doing anything.

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TAKE A BATH & REST 🛁 

Fill up a bath, put some rose oil in it. Put an ambient chill playlist on, light some candles. Et voila, you created a sacred space for yourself to absolutely do nothing. You go further by slowing down. I used to go into overdrive and not even realise i’ve been working for 5 hours straight. Then my head would feel as if it’s going to explode and i wouldn’t know how to wind down. You’re not a machine and you’re allowed to have time where you do nothing but soak in a bath ✨

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LEARN HOW TO EAT WELL

I’m no expert in this. But luckily I had a conscious mum who taught me how to eat well followed by a nutritionist I saw for a while. Plan your meal shopping. Do a big one for the month, then another one in 2 weeks for things like fruits, salads as they will run out in the first two weeks. Have recipes of 5-6 dishes you can make. Write down the ingredients and do your shopping according to that. Have 2-3 alternative to breakfast/lunch/dinner in case you get bored of eating the same thing like I do. Sometimes prepare your table as if you’re having guests around. You are the guest! Treat yourself like a queen/king 👑

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CONNECT WITH YOUR BODY 🏃🏽‍♀️ 

Your body loves moving. Choose a workout or embodiment practice. Whether its running, yoga, dancing, climbing etc, stick to something 2-3 times a week even for 20 minutes and you’ll see a drastic change in how you feel and also how your body looks ✨

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HAVE SOME ALONE TIME 💛 

We live in such a busy world, in such fast pace. It can be easy to forget to spend time on your own. Take yourself out on a date, to a movie, for a dinner, for a walk in nature. You’re the person you’re going to be with for the rest of your life. Get to know yourself, what do you like? What brings you joy? And don’t rush if you don’t know your purpose. When you do what brings you joy, your purpose will become obvious with time ✨

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There is a place deep within you that knows who you are. You don’t have to look outside for things. You just have to let go of everything you’re not and turn down the volume of external sounds. This is why slowing down and being in silence is powerful. Switching from doing to being, it’s rejuvenating, healing and restoring ✨

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HAVE COMPASSION TOWARDS YOURSELF 😍

We’re our worst enemies. Talk to yourself how you’d talk to a friend, especially when you’re feeling low, especially when you don’t feel at your best. The words you use carry powerful energy. You might not have crossed everything from your to-do list. That’s ok. You might not be where you thought you’d be by now. That’s ok. Train yourself to tell yourself, “That’s ok. I love you anyway.”

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HAVE A MORNING AND NIGHT ROUTINE ☀️🌕

Morning routine can be as simple as making your bed and journaling for 10 minutes, writing out whatever you’re thinking in that moment. A night routine can be as simple as reading a fiction novel for 10 minutes while drinking a camomile tea. Keep it simple to start with. I’ll write a longer post about this tomorrow.

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These are action steps that are easy to do. Go into the part of you that doesn’t feel loved, a part of you you don’t accept, pushed to the side. Love that part. When you accept and love more the parts you don’t want anyone to find out, all these practicalities fall into place anyway. External actions become effortless when you shift the internal.

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Take one practice from this post, whether it’s taking a bath or moving your body, do it regularly for a week. Then come back to this post and add another. It’s overhelming to do them all at the same time in one go. 

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This past November and first half of December, for the first time in my life, I slept well, ate well, did 5rhythms (movement meditation), did yoga nearly every day. I always had one or two out of balance. For the first time I nailed it. And I know I might not have this balance all the time and that’s ok.

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Ask yourself:

- Is this going to connect me more with me?

- What gives me more self-love?

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And do that. Treat yourself like you’re your own lover 😉💛

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I love you ❤️

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😘😘😘

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❤️ SELF LOVE 101 ❤️

Self love is one of the hardest things I find. The more I do breathwork journeys, workshops and sessions, the more I see I’m not alone in feeling this way.

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Self love is not just taking baths, getting a massage etc. It’s also about going into your darkness, accepting and loving those parts of yourself you don’t want anyone to find out.
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You might feel you don’t deserve to be cared for so you don’t do it for yourself when you do it so generously for others. You might feel seperate and lonely so you seperate yourself even more by abandoning yourself. You might feel you deserve good things only as a reward when you earned it. Or you might feel self-love is a weird narcissistic thing where you feel awkward to love yourself.
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Growing up, maybe you believed there was something wrong with you, maybe you felt you’ve done something bad and you don’t want anyone to find out. So you carry a shame keeping people at an arm’s length distance so they don’t find out. If they find out, they might shame you, reject you or abandon you.
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I have felt and done all the above. I still do them from time to time and continue to work on them.
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You’re not black or white. There are many sides to you. Sometimes you’re feisty, dark and sexual. Sometimes you’re loving, soft and giving. Accepting them as a part of you takes the power out of it. When you do so, it stops showing up so strongly because you listened and payed attention to it. It was a part of you just wanted to be heard and seen.
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Growing up, I believed anger was a bad emotion and I felt guilt and shame whenever I felt it, especially towards people I loved. Now I see, anger when integrated, coming from a higher place, is actually power and strength. It shows you where your boundaries are and what you care about.
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There are always two sides to things. Our pain becomes our greatest strength when we see the lesson, forgive and let go of the story. Our shame becomes compassion. Our fear becomes courage. Our grief becomes freedom.
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Here are few steps to accept and love parts of you you might struggle to accept and love:
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
- Take 4 more deep breaths.
- Go on then, one more 😃
- Ask, “What part of me I feel I can’t show to people?”
- Imagine that part of you infront of you
- Ask, “What do you need?” (Maybe just needs to be acknowledged and to be listened)
- Give them what they need.
- Tell that part of you, “I love you and accept you.” and imagine you hug that part as it integrates to your body.
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When you have your internal love and validation, any external love and validation would be extra, not a necessity. You receive love and validation when you let go of the need for it 💛
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Master this and practical side of what to do to cultivate self-love such as alone time, bath, movement etc is actually easy. My next post is about that ✌🏼
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Sending you love ❤️✨
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(Image is from this past summer ☀️)
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⭐️ SHARING FROM ABUNDANCE ⭐️

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This post is for you guys, you coaches, teachers. healers, practitioners, speakers, givers ❤️ 

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It’s about sharing from abundance (love) rather than sharing from lack (fear).

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In the end of the breathwork journeys I hold, I always promote the assistants’ events or offerings. I send a follow up email the next day to recommend events I’ve been to and found them powerful.

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This is something I do naturally since I was a kid. Whatever I have, I’d share it without wanting anything in return.

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When people ask me how I get clients or fill my breathwork and women’s events, I don’t have a specific answer. Breathwork ones are the most magical ones, they bring me alive. Of course there are practicals I do such as creating a fb event, inviting people in and sending a newsletter twice a month to 400 subscribers. Then maybe a post here and there. But that’s pretty much it.

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Behind the scenes, what I do is, I imagine 20-28 people in the room, breathing, going into their darkest places, feeling it all, releasing and coming back to their full power. I imagine this a month before the event, 3 weeks before, the week before, when I’m on the bus, when I’m eating my breakfast, I send love to those people I haven’t met yet. Love is the most powerful force on the planet. It transforms everything, it’s magnetic. And those people show up.

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Last breathwork we held was 23 people, I didn’t know half the room, they were all referrals. This is what happens with love, it rippels out to people you don’t even know ❤️

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You can’t use love as a way to manipulate to get what you want. Same as you can’t manipulate yourself into feeling grateful. It has to be natural. It has to come from your heart, from a pure place of no expectations. I don’t expect the room to fill up, but I imagine people coming back to themselves, loving themselves. That’s all I want, a world where people feel they can be themselves ✨

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It’s easy to assume that there are limited amount of people you can help. If there is a potential person who can attend your event, it can be tempting to hold onto them and resent them when they don’t turn up after saying they will. Remember, people don’t owe you anything. Set them free. They can change their minds and that’s ok. There are billions of people on this planet and there is never too many coaches, healers to help people. It’s now more than ever we need you guys. To step in to serve and give.

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✨ What if people copy me?✨

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That’s actually a good thing. It shows that what you’re doing is working. Focus on serving rather than worrying other people stealing your stuff. When people copy you, they can never copy you fully. They’re not you, they don’t embody your energy. 

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Nothing belongs to you. You don’t own anything. You are in a way a channel for love and wisdom to move through you. Let it flow. A dear client of mine I haven’t seen in few months, reached out and told me that she’s been sharing what I told her, “You teach what you struggle with the most.” It made me cry with gratitude as I don’t even remember saying that but it reached a deep part of her that she’s sharing it now with others.

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✨But I’m not healed yet, how can I help others? ✨

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You can choose to wait until “you’ve healed yourself” but that’s never going to happen. All you need is to come to a point where you have awareness about your Ego, remove yourself from it for a moment, so you can help someone in a similar situation.

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I can be in deep grief and help someone process their grief. It’s authentic, it’s real because I’ve been there, I’ve felt it. Embodying it is much more powerful than having the knowledge. Being human is much more important than being an expert. Since my dad’s death, I’m able to hold more sadness and grief in the space. 

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Sometimes in the beginning of a workshop, I tell the participants I’m in deep grief and let’s do this. You don’t have to be this incredible and perfect leader, you just have to show up as you are. They signed up for this, because of your energy. Not the venue, not the music, not the assistant, but you. This is your creation 🔥

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If you want to learn how to operate from love and have a natural abundance in your business through giving and surrender, I offer coaching and healing (that actually works) for you spaceholders, coaches, healers, speakers. I’m offering a 20% discount until the end of the year. If you’re interested, just message me.

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Feel free to share this post if it resonated with you ❤️

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Sending you love and blessings 🙏🏼✨

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I’m on my way to Avebury now, going to Swindon first.

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I’m on my way to Avebury now, going to Swindon first. I said to the woman who was giving me this coffee who reminded me of my mum’s eyes, ‘You have incredible beautiful eyes.’ She lit up and said, ‘I wanted to tell you the same. They’re beautiful.’ We held our eye gaze for a bit, I felt the love, such an amazing feeling, to connect with another woman for a moment, whether you know her or not. Then she gave me the coffee for free ❤️

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Always choose kindness ✨ And of course don’t use it to manipulate people to get your way 😂 (More on the Integrated Feminine Retreat later)

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💚 I SURRENDER 💚

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It’s been few months since I wrote about Aaron and my seperation. Now I feel to share more about it.

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To give bit of a context, Aaron and I broke up after going through the seperation together for 5 weeks. Then, he went to Panama for 3 weeks where we didn’t communicate at all. He did lots of release while I moved to my own place and had the busiest time in my business giving sessions and workshops. After he came back, we carried on being intimate for another 2 months. When we realised this is not serving us, we seperated for real, a month ago. That was the last time we made love. 10 days ago, he started seeing someone. 

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I was in my Ego for the last few days about him seeing someone. This is us after he was there holding space for me on Sunday when he first told me. I cried straight for 2 days, pretty sure I made some abs from sobbing. At some point I really thought I won’t be able to go through this, it was just all too much, all too soon and all too painful. I don’t want any of this. This is the most amount of pain I felt in my entire life.

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Then the pain started turning into suffering and I started going into the drama of it, how I’m not ready for this, how dare he do this to me, this is not love, it’s been only a month since we were intimate, how could he move on so quick, what is she like etc.

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I did a breathwork on this yesterday, to feel all the emotions fully to let them go, to cry for all the times I didn’t feel loved, crying to release them rather than crying from a place of victimhood, thinking ‘why me’ and ‘this isn’t fair’. In the end, I felt a glimpse of what it would feel like to be free from all this pain. I heard this voice that told me, ‘By the end of this, you’re going to feel the freest, happiest and most empowered you’ve ever felt in your whole life.’ Now that’s a big promise. I asked, ‘Really?’ rolling my internal eyes. It said, ‘Yes, just trust me.’ I smiled.

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It’s the little girl in me that feels she’s not loveable, and it’s that wound coming back to the surface again. Today I told that little girl, ‘There’s so many beautiful experiences infront of you. Keep your heart open. I love you.’

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Aaron and I had the most beautiful year together where we went super deep and grew so much. And we have that, nothing can change the memories or take them away from us. We’ll always have a place in each other’s heart and will always have love for each other. I’ll forever be grateful for him for everything we shared.

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The same love we shared tells Aaron, ‘I love you. I want you to be free. Whatever happiness looks like for you I want you to have it and I’ll be happy for you.’ I can’t be the judge of what his happiness looks or feels like or what moving on looks like for him. I didn’t believe as humans we can have unconditional love, it’s just not possible. What my coach reminded me today was, (thank God I have a coach!) ‘You experience unconditional love from a Soul level, on a human level, yes, you can’t get it, but from a Soul level you can.’ And I felt that for Aaron today 💛

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All of the drama was a distraction for me to avoid my pain. I’m stepping up to a new level in my business so it’s another distraction to not create and to not serve. In every moment, we get to choose which level we want to operate from. I was in my victim place for the last few days. I can’t write or serve from that place, it just doesn’t work because I’m still in it.

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When I was little, I remember realising we’re all going to die one day so I wanted to experience life fully until I die, I wanted the whole spectrum of it. Little did I know what the spectrum was like 😃 

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Today, sitting here, I’m feeling grateful for wishing that. I get to experience life fully, the joy, ecstasy, love, and the grief, sadness, loss. On too of that, I get to guide people through their pain, into their gift, their light, to fulfill why they’re here for.

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In deep pain, I shout through my tears, ‘I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!’

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Surrender is not giving up, it’s letting go of needing to know all the answers and opening yourself up to what’s there for you. I don’t know all the answers. I know that I love giving workshops, sessions and I love writing. And currently I’m grieving. That’s all I know for now.

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I have a part of me that is rigid in many ways. I like knowing what I’m doing, I like controlling the outcome so I feel safe. I’m learning to let go, to surrender a whole lot more. Already I’m feeling that I softened a bit more, I opened up a little bit more, knowing that I can’t control any of this so I surrender to what’s unfolding absolutely having no clue what that is.

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In the midst of all this, I gave a Goddess Circle workshop Monday evening. I took a bath, setting the intention by the end of this bath I’m going to be in a place to serve. I’m going to do the best I can with where I am at in this moment. And I did that. I showed up, I told the ladies, ‘Look, I’m in a lot of grief and sadness at the moment. But I’m here for you and ready to serve you.’ In the end of it, one of the women told me, ‘Thank you for your energy even though you were going through a grief period, you still served and carried us perfectly through the session.’ 🌹

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When I’m in this place of huge learning and growth, it’s not always easy. I look at other people and go, ‘Their life seems to be going pretty smoothly when mine is like a fucking roller coaster.’ Then I remind myself, people don’t always share their experiences or they’re not aware of their pain, especially on social media you see the tip of the iceberg. You see the package that is put together nicely. Take my word for it, everyone has something going on. 

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Another thing is there is no comparison of intensity of the event. You might have an abortion, the love of your life might die, your child you made with love might leave this world (which I can’t even imagine how that feels) but it’s the inherent pain we all have in this human existence that gets triggered. So don’t ever compare your experience to someone else. This experience is what you need right now. You get to choose how you’re going to go through it.

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That was another reason I wanted to share. I commit to being raw, open and real in life, same with my posts. I can’t pretend life is all happy and good when I’m experiencing grief. But also that’s not an excuse to not show up and do what I love.

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You can be in pain, but in joy at the same time. You can feel pure joy and deep sadness at the same time. We’re not black and white, we’re having a human experience which has a whole spectrum I’m just tapping into. 

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Everyone chooses to process their pain differently. I know that if I lock it away in a box and move on, it will come up again in my next relationship. I will carry on dating the same guy in different scenarios. I choose to go into it to heal it as much as I can while it’s present in my life.

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Aaron and I will not be communicating for a month. During this time I will put everything I’ve got into writing my book which is our story. To write through my pain but not through my suffering as that’s a never ending, never serving place.

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That’s the only healthy way I know to release something, to create something beautiful out of it, to put all that energy into a creation so it serves people going through something similar. That’s why I’m here to do, to write my experiences. This experience is a blessing in many ways, there’s a book in it to start with and who knows what else but I’m open to go into it and find out.

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I’m just at the beginning of this, just because I had this realisation, doesn’t mean I’m healed from it but now I have a point of reference, a place I can go back to to remind myself and to surrender. It feels like swimming up to the surface of the water to breathe some air in.

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Feel free to share this if it touches somewhere in your heart 💛

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Loads of love to you all ❤️🌹

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(This is the breathwork I’m doing, the guided journey is at the bottom of the page, it’s called Quantum Light Breath by Jeru Kabbal. It’s great and you feel super held. Give it a go:

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http://yourfriendinspirit.blogspot.com/…/quantum-light-brea…)

😣 OVERWHELM 😣

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This is an interesting topic as it comes into my life every now and then.

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I find that it’s not about completely removing stress, overwhelm and anxiety. It’s about accepting their existence and learning to play with them when they come out to work.

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Overwhelm comes from needing to do everything on your own so you can control the outcome. When you feel like you have to do everything on your own, you can ask for help and receive it gracefully. There are people out there when they help, it brings them joy, when you push away support, you rob them from the joy of giving as well.

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Overwhelm comes from control. When you see there are way too many options that you can’t control, you go into overwhelm. It happens when things are happening real quick and you feel it’s growing out of your control so you shut down to get back in the control seat. 

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This happened to me few weeks ago, when Aaron and I were seperating, I was searching to find a new home to start living on my own, had 2 workshops in one week, had one day to pack everything and few other things were going on which I forgot now. I was sitting, thinking about all the things I need to do in a neverending loop. I was going into overthinking and panic.

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It’s not because a lot was going on. It was about how I was responding to the things that were going on. If you think its hard and overwhelming, it’s going to be hard and overwhelming which takes the joy out of what you are doing. What you normally do with joy becomes just another task added to your to do list. If you connect to love you have about all these things you’re doing, then ease, flow and joy will come back into it. 

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Underneath all the overwhelm, I love giving workshops and I actually loved the house search, creating a new home. As soon as I stop trying so hard, get out of the overwhelm and connect back to the joy, someone books a ticket to one of my workshops. It’s mindblowing, every single time.

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Another one happened right today actually, there was a lot going on that I felt like was happening out of my control. I saw that I created most of it in my head. I made it more than what it is and created a huge wall to climb that overwhelmed me, but in truth there was no wall, everything was actually ok 😂

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Overwhelm also comes from trying to plan out the next five years. If you are honest and true to yourself, you’ll see that who you are changes every moment of every day. If you plan out your next five years you’ll be planning it from where you are right now. Your circumstances might change tomorrow and your control to stick to your plans might push away all the opportunities out there. I’m not saying go with the wind every day and have no plan whatsoever, but instead have a goal, a vision, a destination you want to arrive at. Find your next true action, take that and keep your awareness open to people, resources coming to you. Repeat this as you go.

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I stopped doing to-do lists 1.5 years ago just to try it out for two weeks. It turned out to be one of the best things I did. I didn’t like it in the beginning, especially the uneasy feeling of letting go of control. In the end, it allowed my heart and intuition to come in more into my life.

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Funnily enough, I started remembering things I thought I’d forget because I didn’t have a to do list. More ideas started flowing to me because I was being more present. Whatever had priority would naturally pop into my mind and I’d do it straight away rather than writing it down to do later. I set reminders now if I’m meant to send a newsletter, call someone etc. I use calendar obviously but other than that I don’t do to-do lists. The temptation is there but I know it takes me into a frantic overdrive mode, so I don’t do it.

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Whatever I go through in my life, my clients do as well, sometimes we’re synced daily, it’s so interesting. So whenever I am in overwhelm, I have few clients in overwhelm as well, being a great mirror to me without even realising, gets me out of my overwhelm instantly. I’m super grateful for them 🙌🏼

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Next time you’re trying to juggle way too many balls and feeling overwhelmed, follow these steps:

- Notice you’re in overwhelm, name that it’s overwhelm

- Close your eyes, take a deep breath, sigh it out

- Notice what thoughts you’re telling yourself, what meaning you’re putting to the situation

- Imagine rising above the situation, floating above it, looking at it from a higher perspective

- Ask, ‘What’s number one priority right now?’

- Do that. Don’t go into planning the rest before you do that

- Repeat rising above and finding what’s priority as you need.

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If you do to-do lists and have bit of an addictive relationship with them, go for a week without doing one and see what happens 😉 Then assess again after a week, don’t judge the situation before then and move from there ✨

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Sending you loads of love 💛

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✏️🔨 THE MAGIC TABLE 🔨✏️

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I’ve been selling and giving away loads of stuff as I moved recently.

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I sold this table to a guy today. He came around to pick it up and said, “It’s going to be perfect for the kids.”
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“Is it for kids?” I asked.
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He said, “Yes, I teach kids how to do woodwork stuff in a community centre in Highgate, for kids who have ADHD, autism and so on.”
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I was like 😍😍😍😍😍
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I asked him, “Do you do it with dads and sons as well?”
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“Oh yeah, lots of dads and sons come in”
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So he’s taking this table to them so they can do it as well. I can tell that that’s literally his gift and he’s offering it to the world with such love, genuineness and kindness.
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He said there was a woman asked him once if he had a ‘normal’ class for kids who don’t have ADHD, autism etc.
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He told me he told her, “I don’t seperate them. I put all of them in the same class.”
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I just stared at him in awe and said, “Oh my god, that’s so lovely.”
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It makes me so happy when I meet such kind and loving people. This is what the world needs more of. There are so many kind men out there and it warms my heart when I see them spreading their love, making the world shine a bit more ✨
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This got me super emotional and so grateful today for life for bringing such beautiful people to me sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for years 💗
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If you want to go to his woodwork classes open to children, adults, and together, his details are:
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Ricky
07506 504 220
woodthatworks@hotmail.com
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May you receive kindness and love as much as you spread them and so much more ✨
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Sending you so much love 💛
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💚 DEEPER LAYERS OF LOVE 💚

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This post has been the hardest post I've written to this day taking out words from me with each tear, feeling each pain and each emotion.

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Aaron and I seperated on Monday. It was our last day as a couple. We made the decision to seperate 5 weeks ago realising we've given each other everything we needed at this time, it was time to let go and be on our own for a while.

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Since then we've been allowing ourselves to grieve, to feel and to celebrate what a wonderful and special relationship we created. We held breathwork journeys for each other, spoke about our memories together, had playful and fun time together, soaking up the last moments we have of our relationship. We wanted to do it in a way to honour our love and life together for the past year so we can go into friendship without any heaviness, resentment, sadness or anger.

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I've never had a breakup this way before. It hasn't been easy. It has been a very loving, honouring but also a confronting process requiring us to be honest with ourselves and each other. It's the opposite of cutting each other off, two lovers becoming two strangers within hours after intimate months together, moving on like nothing happened. 

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Rather than holding onto pain for months and years, we've been feeling the pain of letting each other go and releasing as we feel. Rather than crying out on our own or with a friend, we've been crying together. Rather than turning all the love to hate, we've been going deeper into love while transitioning into friendship. As we let go, we find a deeper layer of love underneath the sadness, underneath the resentment and the pain.

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When you're getting to know someone you slowly go into the relationship, this felt like the same thing but on the other side of completing a relationship allowing us to not carry on any trauma to the next phase of our lives.

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Part of me is excited to see what's ahead of me. Part of me is scared that I'll never find such a deep and loving connection ever again. My mind goes, it's insane to have this and let it go, how can there be something even deeper than this? Then my heart says, 'You've already made the hardest decisions in your life, just trust, I got you.' Then I take a step forward into the complete unknown not knowing what's next ✨

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I've been feeling so grateful for the last few days for receiving such supportive and loving feedback about my recent posts telling me I'm brave to tell all of this. I feel like real bravery is willing to go deep within yourself, willing to dig deeper and deeper knowing you might not like what you find but still going until you hit the gold. There's a deep sadness, deep loneliness within me that I discovered recently as I write more. I didn't know it was there before. That's gold for me because that's what makes this post happen.

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I feel grateful to have been with a man with whom I went into the depths of my darkness together. I feel grateful to have been with a man who can see right through me and love all that I am. I feel grateful to have been with a man who stays by my side lovingly even when I try to push him away. 

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This has been a magical, beautiful, transformational year full of growth, deep love, deep intimacy and lots of fun. We were two people who grown into two completely different people. The intensity of shift felt like ten years fitting into one year.

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The last five weeks we've been through together has been a ride, beautiful, loving and honouring. Now its time to journey and grow on our own. Aaron's off to Panama in few hours for three weeks, I'm staying in London focusing on my 1-1 sessions, writing and workshops 🙏🏼

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If you're going through a seperation, breakup, grief and want to talk, PM me, would love to listen to you. Know that you're not alone and you're meant to feel as a humanbeing 💙

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Loads of love to you 💚

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🌾 I WANT TO SURRENDER 🌾 

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Following similar theme to yesterday's post, this might be taboo for some. I'm going to share something very personal but also very important to me. Surrender during lovemaking 💗

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Surrender is the hardest thing I find in life. Surrendering to life, to my partner, to myself. That's why I love talking and writing about it. I'm constantly coming back to it, feeling more and more scared and vulnerable each time, surrendering more and more.

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I'm used to being on my own, not needing anyone. When you're in that space, surrender becomes a struggle. It can even feel like a weakness. It can feel hard to let someone in and show all parts of you.

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If your default mode is more masculine, you might want to control the outcome to make yourself feel safe. When you let go of the need to control, it can feel uneasy, unsafe. It can feel like your whole world is turning upside down because you never found out what on the other side of control is.

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This reflects in your lovemaking as well. You might not be able to get out of your head to feel and enjoy the sensations in your body. You might struggle to let go of the need to control and drop your guard which stop you from having orgasms. I used to be this woman. I didn't allowed myself to surrender and feel fully. As a result, I never had vaginal/g-spot orgasms up until few months ago.

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Few months ago, Aaron and I did this beautiful process allowing me to surrender fully to him. He asked me, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?'. I said, 'You can put your hand on my heart and tell me I'm safe.' He did that. Then he asked me, 'How safe do you feel? 1 to 10, 10 being the safest.' I said, '7'. He asked again, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' I said, 'You can tell me you love me.' He did. This went on and after a while I had 5 vaginal orgasms back to back. I cried, laughed, cried, laughed, surrendered more and more.

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I'm writing this because I know there are women out there feeling like there's something wrong with their bodies, so I want to let them know, you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you or your body. It's all about creating a space where you feel safe to surrender and feel. You feel everything when you surrender. You're meant to feel all emotions when you make love. Its the fear of feeling that we're scared of, not the feeling itself. You feel deeply and you let it go. Now, you're free ✨

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If you're a woman:

- Get him to ask you, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' 

- Then they can ask you, 'How safe do you feel?' answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, let him ask you these questions few times. And just observe how you let go and surrender more and more. You might cry, feel sadness, grief or joy, ecstasy, let everything come to you. You're meant to feel all emotions while you make love.

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If you're a man:

- Ask her, 'What can I do to make you feel safer?' It could be putting your hand on her heart, letting her know its safe, caressing her face etc.

- Then you can ask, 'How safe do you feel?' get your partner to answer it in scale 1-10, 10 being super safe.

- While you make love, ask these questions few times. And just observe how they let go and surrender more. They might cry, hold them in that emotion, you don't have to make the emotion go away, be present and let them know all emotions are welcome here. This can be a huge thing for her..

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You can swap roles around and as a man you can experience how it feels to surrender as well, its a beautiful thing partners can do for each other. For me, it was words, I needed to hear that I was safe, for you it can be that or something different. There are many ways out there to guide you back to surrender, this is one simple way Aaron and I made up that worked for us. I respect and honour what works for you too ❤️

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How do you feel about surrendering? What are the ways you found that help you surrender more? Would love to hear, message me if you don't want to share publicly 🙏🏼

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Feel free to share if you feel this might help someone you know ✨

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Loads of love to you ❤️

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(Artist: Ines Honfi)

❤️ HOW DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? ❤️

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This topic has been coming up for weeks now, today being the Valentine's Day, I thought its a good day to write about self love 😍

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You're the most important person in your life. The better you take care of yourself, the happier you'll feel, the better you'll help, serve, give others.

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Loving yourself can be a challenge when you have parts of you that you don't love. You see all parts of yourself that are incomplete, dark, messy, not lovable, not good enough.

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But actually, you're not meant to be perfect and sorted. You're meant to be as human as you can. And love yourself as much as you can with all those parts that you can't accept and love.

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So how do you love yourself?

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You give yourself what you need. You listen to your body, to yourself and prioritise what you need. "You do you" as one of my clients says.

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When you do that, you might have guilt coming up. How can you prioritise yourself and chill when you have a 3 year old needing your attention? When you take care of yourself, your little one will see what self-love looks like, feels like and you'll be more present with them more than ever.

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Or you might have shame coming up. Who do you think you are? How can you love yourself when you messed up? Notice the shame, talk to it, feel it, let it know its ok and let it go.

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Because when you prioritise yourself, you don't expect other people to give you love. You don't resent them for not fulfilling an expectation that they were not even aware of.

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You can hold yourself, hug, caress yourself, seduce yourself without needing someone to do that for you. If they do, that's great. If they don't, that's great too, because you don't feel lonely or desperate anymore by the lack of it. And its exactly that energy that attracts more love.

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Here are ways to be loving towards yourself:

- Think about where you were 2 years ago. Think about where you are now. Write down all your achievements (including non tangible ones: your patience, courage, working on yourself, building family, creating relationship, enjoying yourself, self growth etc) Celebrate them!

- Next time you want to say no, but you feel like saying yes not to cause conflict; take a step back, breathe, close your eyes and ask yourself what you want, do that.

- When you had a long day at work, in the evening allow yourself to rest properly, could be bath with no phone, walk in woods, journaling, reading etc. (TV is not rest, its stimulation.)

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If you learn to be happy on your own, to enjoy your own company, you never have to settle down for less than what you desire in a partner or in a friend. 

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Someone shared with me she hugged herself after breathwork I held and she meant it. It moved me, seeing someone geniunely hugging herself feeling love for themselves. Later on the same day, I felt so much joy, I was kissing my arms, hugging myself and geniunely feeling, meaning it 💜 

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How do you show yourself love? What do you do just for yourself, no one else? 

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Love you 💛

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